THE  POOR  LITTLE 
RICH  GIRL  \XPJay 


ELEANOR  GATES 


B     SJ     1 


GIFT  OF 

o    S) 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 


BY  ELEANOR  GATES 

Plays 

THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 
WE  ARE  SEVEN    (three  acts) 
"SWAT  THE  FLY!"   (one  act) 

Novels 

THE  BIOGRAPHY  OF  A  PRAIRIE  GIRL 
THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 
THE  PLOW-WOMAN 
CUPID,  THE  COW-PUNCH 
THE  JUSTICE  OF  GIDEON  (short  stories) 


ELEANOR    GATES 


THE 
POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 


A  Play  of  Fact  and  Fancy 
in  Three  Acts 


BY 

ELEANOR  GATES 


With  a  Reminiscence  and  a  Foreword  by 
George  Jean  Nathan 


NEW  YORK 

THE  ARROW  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 
MCMXVI 


Copyright,  1916 
BY  THE  ARROW  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 

All  rights  referred,  including  that  of  translation  into  foreign  languages, 
including  the  Scandinavian. 

For  information  regarding  stage  presentation,  or  public  reading,  address 

the  publishers. 


4&V  f 

f 


VAIL-BALLOU    COMPANY 
1ION  AND  NEW  YORK 


DEDICATED 

WITH  MUCH  AFFECTION  TO 
SOPHIA  REED  SPICKERS  AND  WILLIAM  SPICKERS 


34215G 


A  REMINISCENCE  AND  A  FOREWORD 

Whatever  otherwise  the  pretty  virtues  of  our  Amer 
ican  drama,  the  quality  of  fanciful  imagination  is 
of  the  catalogue  no  (or  at  best,  small)  part.  We 
have  seen  amongst  us  farce  writers  of  light  and  facile 
finger;  we  have  seen  drama  framers  of  intermittently 
rugged,  if  consistently  yokel,  philosophic  vision.  Yet, 
the  writer  of  exploring  phantasies,  the  writer  of 
caprices  that  violate  the  neutrality  of  the  sacrosanct 
Broadway  commonplace,  is  but  dimly  silhouetted 
against  the  borning  native  sun. 

Several  years  ago,  losing  my  way  in  the  ulterior 
reaches  of  darkening  and  rainy  Philadelphia,  I  sought 
geographical  counsel  and  a  temporary  shelter  in  the 
lobby  of  the  old  Walnut  Street  Theater.  Along  with 
the  solicited  charting  (and  the  spectacle  of  quicken 
ing  rains)  I  was  prompted  by  the  acute  box-office  gen 
tleman  to  pass  the  storm  within  the  playhouse.  And 
it  was  therein,  thus  accidentally,  that  first  I  saw  a 
trying-out  and  experimental  exhibition  of  this  play 
by  a  writer  whose  name,  though  known  well  to  the 
periodical  pages,  was  then  still  new  to  me  and  to  the 
American  theater  of  which,  over  years,  I  had  been  a 
recording  spectator.  And  it  was  therein  upon  the 
platform,  amid  a  phantasmagoria  of  bunchlights  that 
wouldn't  behave  and  scenery  that  inopportunely  tot 
tered  and  stagehands  whose  tangled  feet  were  audi 
ble  and  spotlights  that  sizzled  and  flickered,  that  first 


A   REMINISCENCE  AND   A   FOREWORD 

I  learned  of  "The  Poor  Little  Rich  Girl,"  by  this  Miss 
Eleanor  Gates — the  play  that,  once  its  prelude  done 
with,  was  to  present  to  the  native  audience  a  playful, 
meadow-larking  imagination  such  as  it  had  probably 
never  till  then — and  has  certainly  not  since  then — felt 
in  and  from  an  American  pen. 

As  against  the  not  unhollow  symbolic  strut  and 
gasconade  of  such  over-paeaned  pieces  as  let  us  for 
example  say  "The  Blue  Bird"  of  Maeterlinck,  so  sim 
ple  and  unaffected  a  bit  of  stage  writing  as  this — of 
school  dramatic  intrinsically  the  same — cajoles  the 
more  honest  heart  and  satisfies  more  plausibly  and 
fully  those  of  us  whose  thumbs  are  ever  being  pulled 
professionally  for  a  native  stage  less  smeared  with  the 
snobberies  of  empty,  albeit  high-sounding,  nomen 
clatures  from  overseas.  Miss  Gates's  play,  the  cur 
tain  upon  which  now  goes  up  for  you  on  the  adjoining 
page,  is  at  once  a  work  of  genuine  fancy  and  sound 
art,  and  a  work  standing  to  the  wholesome  credit  of 
the  all  too  scantily  filled  ledger  of  imaginative  Amer 
ican  dramatic  writing. 

GEORGE  JEAN  NATHAN. 

February  the  eighth, 

Nineteen  hundred  and  sixteen. 


THE  PERSONS  OF  THE  PLAY 

In  Fact  In  Fancy 

DANCING  MASTER   

GERMAN  TEACHER ^    ,          ,.~     , 

FRENCH  TEACHER Prake  and  Ducks 

Music  TEACHER  

BUTLER  (POTTER)  

GOVERNESS   (Miss  Royle)The  Snake  in  the  Grass 

NURSE  (Jane)    The  Two-Faced  Thing 

GWENDOLYN  The  Poor  Little  Rich  Girl 

FIRST  FOOTMAN  (Thomas) Big  Ears 
PLUMBER The  Piper 

ORGAN-GRINDER The    Man    Who    Makes 

Faces 

MOTHER The  Woman  with  the  Bee 

in  Her  Bonnet 

FATHER  The  Man  Who  Is  Made  of 

Money 

DOCTOR    ;The  Man  Who  Rides  Hob 
bies 

FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN  . . 
SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN  . 


THIRD  SOCIETY  WOMAN  . . 

FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 

SECOND  SOCIETY  MAN  ... 


They 


PERSONS  OF  THE  PLAY 


In  Fact                            In  Fancy 
SECOND  FOOTMAN    

BROKER    .The    Man    Who    Breaks 

Things 

POLICEMAN  Heels  over  Head 

PUFFY  BEAR A  Live  Bear 

TOY  SOLDIER   King's  English 

The  Little  Bird  Who  Tells 

Things 


COSTUMES 

THE  DUCKS  AND  THE  DRAKE  should  resemble  those 
flat-billed,  web-footed  birds  as  closely  as  possible. 

THE  SNAKE  IN  THE  GRASS  should  wear  a  closely 
fitting  dress  that  trails,  and  that  is  of  a  greenish- 
brown  material  which  glistens  in  the  light.  On 
her  head,  at  either  side,  is  a  green  jewel — to  sug 
gest  a  snake's  eyes.  In  Act  I  the  Governess, 
Miss  ROYLE,  should  wear  a  bonnet  in  which  there 
is  such  a  jewel  at  either  temple;  and  her  dress 
may  also  remotely  resemble  the  Snake  costume. 

THE  TWO-FACED  THING  should  wear,  on  the  back  of 
her  head,  a  face  that  is  made  from  a  cast  of  her 
own.  About  this  second  face,  her  hair  should 
be  arranged  precisely  as  it  is  about  her  real  face. 

THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL  wears  a  gingham  frock. 
Her  hair  is  unbound;  her  feet  are  bare. 

BIG  EARS  wears  a  huge  pair  of  false  ears  over  his  own. 

THE  WOMAN  WITH  THE  BEE  IN  HER  BONNET  wears 
a  robe-like  dress  that  resembles  the  handsome 
dressing-gown  of  MOTHER,  in  Act  III.  She 
carries  a  bonnet  which  is  like  her  small  hat  in 
Act  I. 

THE  MAN  WHO  Is  MADE  OF  MONEY  wears  a  suit 
that  is  covered  with  dollar-signs.  The  coat  is 
the  yellow  of  a  twenty-dollar  bill;  the  trousers 
are  the  green  of  paper-money. 


COSTUMES 


THE  MAN  WHO  RIDES  HOBBIES  wears  riding-clothes, 
and  carries  a  crop  upon  which  is  painted  the  scale 
of  a  thermometer.  The  crop  is  transparent,  and 
provided  with  a  pocket  flash-light  at  one  end. 
When  this  light  is  turned  on,  the  scale  of  the 
huge  thermometer  may  be  seen. 

THEY  wear  long  cloaks  of  smoke-gray.  Their  hair 
should  be  powdered  the  same  shade.  The  men 
wear  silk  hats. 

THE  MAN  WHO  BREAKS  THINGS  wears  a  suit  of 
armor,  and  a  helmet  with  a  visor.  He  carries  a 
sledge-hammer. 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH  wears  a  busby,  a  scarlet  coat, 
and  dark  trousers  down  which  is  a  scarlet  stripe. 
Over  his  left  shoulder  is  his  bandoleer.  On 
his  right  arm  he  carries  THE  LITTLE  BIRD,  which 
is  a  carrier-pigeon,  life-size,  completely  feath 
ered,  and  with  a  bill  that  opens  and  shuts  when 
THE  KING'S  ENGLISH  changes  his  own  voice  in 
order  to  impersonate  the  speech  of  THE  LITTLE 
BIRD. 

THE  PIPER,  THE  MAN  WHO  MAKES  FACES,  and 
HEELS  OVER  HEAD  are  dressed  exactly  like  THE 
PLUMBER,  THE  ORGAN-GRINDER,  and  THE  PO 
LICEMAN,  respectively,  of  Act  I. 

A  LIVE  BEAR  is  PUFFY  BEAR  grown-up. 


SCENES 

BITTER  FACT 

ACT  I. — Reception  Hall  of  Gwendolyn's  Home. 

DEAREST  FANCY 

ACT  II.— Scene  1— The  Tell-Tale  Forest. 

(Where  There  Is  No  Duplicity) 

Scene  2 — The  Land  of  the  Lights. 

(Where  Candles  Burn  at  Both 
Ends) 

Scene  3 — Robin  Hood's  Barn. 

(Where  They  Go  'Round) 

DEAREST  FACT 
ACT  III. — Gwendolyn's  Nursery. 

Epilogue  Tableau:     The  Road  to  Johnnie  Blake's. 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

ACT  I 

THE  RECEPTION  HALL  OF  GWENDO 
LYN'S  HOME 

The  high  room  shows  a  lavish  outlay  of  money  in  its 
decoration,  but  every  evidence  of  good  taste.  At  the 
back  is  a  wide  arch  hung  with  curtains  down  which 
runs  an  ornate,  leaf -like  pattern.  Through  the  arch 
may  be  seen  a  part  of  the  vestibule,  with  a  playing 
fountain.  About  the  fountain,  and  set  in  boxes  of 
carved  marble,  are  brilliantly  flowered  plants.  At 
one  side,  between  the  fountain  and  the  arch,  stands  a 
suit  of  armor. 

To  the  left  of  the  wide  arch  is  a  great  window,  the 
sashes  of  which  open  outward.  Its  curtains  are  like 
those  which  adorn  the  arch,  and  its  window-seat  has 
a  velvet  cushion  furnished  with  pillows.  This  win 
dow  looks  upon  the  Drive,  and  through  it  may  be 
seen  the  tops  of  trees,  a  bit  of  the  River,  and,  farther 
still,  a  rocky  precipice  crowned  by  woods. 

To  the  left  of  the  window  is  an  automatic  elevator. 
The  grille  of  its  door  is  hung  with  silk,  and  through 
grille  and  silk  the  movements  of  the  car  may  be  fol 
lowed. 

Beside  the  elevator,  a  curtained  arch-way  leads  to  the 
dining-room.  A  glimpse  is  afforded  of  the  service- 
corner,  with  its  handsome  screen  partly  concealing 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

both  a  sideboard  and  the  swinging  door  of  the  butler's 
pantry.  In  front  of  the  dining-room  entrance  is  a 
small  table  and  a  deep  couch. 

To  the  right  of  the  wide  arch  at  the  back  of  the  room 
is  the  fireplace.  At  either  side  of  its  hearth  is  set  a 
large,  carved  chair.  The  mantel  of  the  fireplace 
holds  candelabra,  and  a  clock.  Above  these,  placed 
in  a  finely  wrought  frame,  is  a  richly  emblazoned 
coat-of-arms  bearing  a  motto. 

A  broad  staircase  is  on  the  right  of  the  fireplace.  It 
descends  from  a  landing  which  is  concealed  by  velvet 
curtains,  and  ends  in  newel  posts  that  are  exactly  the 
height  of  GWENDOLYN. 

Beside  the  staircase  is  the  curtained  doorway  of  the 
music-room. 

The  hall  is  lighted  by  silk-shaded  brackets.  It  is 
carpeted  by  several  rugs. 

Before  the  curtain  rises,  a  piano  is  heard,  playing  a 
lively  tune;  and  the  counting  of  the  DANCING  MAS 
TER  keeps  time  to  the  music. 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
One,  two,  three,  point!     One,  two,  three,  point! 

[The  curtain  rises.  The  FRENCH 
TEACHER  is  seated  beside  a  newel  post. 
Before  her,  dancing,  are  the  DANCING 
MASTER  and  the  GERMAN  TEACHER.] 

No,  no,  Fraulein! 

[He  corrects  her  step.] 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  GERMAN  TEACHER 
Ach,  du  liebe  Zeit!     I  nefer  learn! 

[She  sinks  upon  the  couch.  The  music 
stops.] 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 

Do  not  be  discouraged!     I  am  a  Master  of  Dancing 
— an  artist.     I  could  teach  an  elephant  to  dance! 

THE  FRENCH  TEACHER 
[Laughing.] 
Oh  I    An  elephant! 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
[Calling  into  the  music-room.] 
Miss  Brown!    Please! 

[He  holds  out  a  hand  to  the  FRENCH 
TEACHER,  who  springs  up  and  joins  him.~\ 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
[Answering  from  the  music-room.] 
Yes! 

[The  music  begins  again.  The  DANCING 
MASTER  and  the  FRENCH  TEACHER  dance 
down.] 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
One,  two,  three,  point!     One,  two,  three,  point! 

THE  GERMAN  TEACHER 
Ach,  if  I  could  only  do  it  so! 

3 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 

You  say  that,  but  you  make  no  attempt! 

[He  turns  the  FRENCH  TEACHER,  and 
they  dance  toward  the  vestibule.  The 
music  stops  once  more — in  the  middle  of 
a  bar.  The  DANCING  MASTER  and  the 
FRENCH  TEACHER  halt,  startled,  and  look 
toward  the  music-room,  from  which  the 
Music  TEACHER  comes  hastily.  She  is 
of  the  extremely  assertive  type.  She 
makes  a  warning  gesture.'} 

THE  Music  TEACHER 

Sh!     Potter! 

[She  halts  at  a  newel  post,  while  the 
FRENCH  TEACHER  seats  herself  hurriedly 
on  the  couch.  All  wait,  assuming  stiff 
poses.  POTTER  enters  from  the  music- 
room.  He  is  a  spare,  elderly  man,  with 
the  formal  manner  of  a  butler.  He  is, 
however,  coatless,  and  has  a  square,  white 
apron  tied  about  him.  His  cuffs  are  off. 
He  is  carrying  flowers.  He  halts.] 

POTTER 
[Coldly.] 

And  where,  may  I  ask,  is  Miss  Gwendolyn? 

THE  FRENCH  TEACHER 
Oui!    Where  ees  Mees  Gwendolyn! 
[She  shrugs.] 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
We've  all  been  waiting. 

POTTER 

But  the  music — just  now? 

[They  attempt  to  look  innocent.] 

THE  FRENCH  TEACHER 
[Rising  and  going  to  him.~\ 

Pot-tair!     I  wait  one  hour.     Mees  Gwendolyn  do 
not  come  for  ze  French  lesson. 

[.Coyly.] 
Ees  it  harm  for  a  leetle — er — entertainment? 

{Takes  a  flower  from  the  armful  he  is 

carrying.] 

POTTER 
[Severely."] 
Here?    What  an  unheard-of  proceeding! 

[He  crosses  the  room  to  the  table;  and  so 
soon  as  his  back  is  presented  to  the  others, 
they  lean  to  whisper,  and  exchange  ges 
tures  of  resentment.  He  halts  and  turns. 
At  once,  all  resume  their  stiff  poses.'} 

THE  Music  TEACHER 

But  the  child's  nurse  hasn't  called  any  of  us  yet. 
I've  been  waiting  one  hour  and  a  half! 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
And  I,  two  hours! 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  GERMAN  TEACHER 
Me,  too! 

POTTER 

You  will  all  remain,  however,  until  the  Governess 
dismisses  you. 

[He  goes  into  the  dining-room,  stopping 

at  the  sideboard.] 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
[Speaking  low.] 
The  old  spy! 

[The  DANCING  MASTER,  the  Music 
TEACHER  and  the  FRENCH  TEACHER  seat 
themselves  dejectedly.  The  governess 
enters  from  the  vestibule.  She  is  about 
forty,  and  graying;  tall  and  slender. 
She  affects  a  sinuous  walk.  She  is  car 
rying  two  or  three  packages.] 

THE  FRENCH  TEACHER 
[Rising] 
Ah,  Mees  Royle! 

[The  others  rise  with  a  show  of  pleasure, 
and  gather  about  the  Governess] 

THE  OTHER  TEACHERS 
Miss  Royle !    Splendid !    So  glad ! 

Miss  ROYLE 

[Smiling,  as  she  rustles  down] 
Ah,  Professorl    And,  ladies! 

6 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[Halts;  sobers,  and  shows  a  trace  of  em- 
barrassm(ent.~] 

Why, — why,  didn't  Jane  tell  you? 

THE  TEACHERS 
Tell  us?    What?    Ja,  vat? 

MlSS  ROYLE 

This  is  Gwendolyn's  birthday. 

THE  TEACHERS 
Oh!    Birthday!     That's  it! 

Miss  ROYLE 

So,  of  course,  I  couldn't  ask  her  to  have  lessons. 
And — and — 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
[Crossly.] 
And  we  weren't  notified. 

Miss  ROYLE 

No.     Well,    I— I    fully    intended    to.     But— er— I 

thought  you'd  prefer  to  come  and  not  lose  your — er — 
[There  is  a  general  murmur  of  under 
standing,  and  nods.] 

I'll  see  to  that.     And,  besides,  I'd  like  to  have  you 

all  stay  to  tea. 

THE  TEACHERS 
Tea !    Oh,  Miss  Royle !     Could  you  ? 

7 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MlSS  ROYLE 

I'm  fairly  famished  myself,  and  utterly  tired  out  with 
shopping. 

[The  DANCING  MASTER  takes  her  wrap.] 
So  kind  of  you,  Professor ! 

[The  FRENCH,  GERMAN,  and  Music 
TEACHERS  take  the  packages.] 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
[Proffering  a  chair.] 
Miss  Royle. 

Miss  ROYLE 

[Seating  herself,  and  smiling  on  the 
others.] 

Well,  I  flatter  myself  that,  as  Gwendolyn's  govern 
ess,  I  have  selected  a  most  competent  and  obliging 
staff  of  teachers! 

[There  is  a  second  murmur  of  appre 
ciation.  The  DANCING  MASTER  bows. 
The  descending  light  of  the  elevator  is 
seen;  a  hand  pushes  the  sliding  door  aside, 
and  JANE,  the  nurse,  appears.  She  is 
large  and  angular,  with  red  hair.  She  is 
panting  with  anger.] 

JANE 

So  there  you  are!  A  fine  governess  you  are!  How 
long  have  you  been  back? 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MlSS  ROYLE 

{With  great  dignity.'} 
Jane,  are  you  addressing  me? 

JANE 

Who  do  you  think  I'm  talkin'  to? — the  gent  in  the 
tin  clothes? 

{She  gestures  toward  the  suit  of  armor.'} 

Miss  ROYLE 
Jane!     How  dare  you! 

JANE 

Well,  you've  had  me  cooped  up  with  that  terrible  kid 
all  afternoon.  It  was  neuralgia  you  had  when  you 
wanted  to  go  down  town. 

Miss  ROYLE 

[Pathetically;  with  a  hand  to  one  cheek.] 
My  neuralgia  has  been  worse  to-day. 

JANE 

Yes,  it's  always  worse — on  bargain  days ! 

THE  TEACHERS 

Oh!     How  terrible!     St!     St! 

[The  FRENCH  and  the  GERMAN  TEACH 
ERS  sink  to  the  couch.] 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MlSS   ROYLE 

Impudence!  That  will  do,  Jane.  I  shall  report  you 
to  Madam. 

JANE 

[Advancing  upon  Miss  ROYLE.] 
Go  ahead,  report!    And  I'll  tell  Madam  somethin' 
myself ! 

[Desperately,  as  she  comes  down  to  stand 

by  the  table.'] 

I  declare  I  can't  make  that  young  one  out  to-day! 
Usually  she  don't  want  to  see  a  blessed  one  of  you — 

[The  TEACHERS  assent.'] 

— but  now  she's  demandin'  to  come  down  and  see 
the  lot  of  you  together! 

[The  TEACHERS  stare  at  one  another  in 

surprise.'] 
Now  what  do  you  suppose  she  wants? 

Miss  ROYLE 

Oh,  well,  we  all  know  Gwendolyn. 
[The  TEACHERS  assent.'] 

JANE 

[Wisely.-] 

O-o-oh,  it  ain't  the  old  tricks  this  time!  "Jane,"  she 
says  to  me,  '  'every thing's  goin'  to  be,  oh,  so  different, 
after  to-day." 

[The  TEACHERS  stare  at  one  another  in 
alarmed    inquiry.    JANE    turns    angrily 

upon  Miss  ROYLE.] 
10 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

And  it's  all  your  fault,  too.     What  did  you  go  and 
tell  her  it's  her  birthday  for? 

Miss  ROYLE 
I  thought  it  best.     Suppose  her  mother — 

JANE 

The  Madam  won't  even  remember,  especially  with  a 

dinner  on  to-night. 

[Belligerently,  as  she  stalks  to  the  ele 
vator  and  turns.] 

Well?    Are  you  comin'  up? 

Miss  ROYLE 

Why,  Jane,  we're  to  have  tea,  and  I'm  sure  you 
wouldn't — er — 

JANE 

Tea !    And  me  workin'  like  a  dog  upstairs ! 

Miss  ROYLE 

Why  work?    Why  not  take  a  ride  in  the  motor?     I 
am  sure  Gwen  darling  would  enjoy  it. 

[Ingratiatingly.  ] 
And  you  may  take  Thomas  with  you. 

JANE 

[Suddenly  mollified,  and  brightening.'} 
Oh!     Thomas! — Well,  I  suppose  a  ride  would  be 

good  for  little  Gwennie. 

11 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[She  goes  into  the  elevator  and  closes  the 
door.  The  cage  ascends.  POTTER  ap 
pears  at  the  sideboard  in  the  dining- 
room.] 

Miss  ROYLE 
Ah,  there  you  are,  Potter ! 

POTTER 

[Entering ',  and  coming  to  the  table, ] 
Eh? 

Miss  ROYLE 
[With  assumed  dignity.] 
You  may  serve  tea. 

POTTER 
Tea! 

[Stares  about  the  room.] 
Here? 

Miss  ROYLE 
Here. 

[POTTER  is  dumb  with  amazement.] 
Madam  won't  be  back  for  an  hour. 

POTTER 

[With  polite  firmness.] 

I  beg  to  remind  you  that  there  is  a  schoolroom  up 
stairs. 

[He  goes  into  the  dining-room.] 
12 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
Outrageous,  Miss  Royle ! 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
Impertinence ! 

THE  GERMAN  TEACHER 
Himmel! 

THE  FRENCH  TEACHER 
Mees  Royle! 

Miss  ROYLE 
I  wouldn't  have  such  a  butler  in  my  house! 

[To  the  Music  TEACHER.] 

And  as  for  Jane —    Well,  I  flatter  myself  that  I 
never  lose  the  composure  of  a  lady. 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
I  think  you  handled  her  extremely  well,  Miss  Royle. 

Miss  ROYLE 
[On  the  verge  of  tears. ~\ 

But  it  hurts  to  stand  insults  from  such  an  ignorant, 

two-faced  thing! 

[Proudly.] 

In  my  own  home,  the  butler  was  a  perfect  slave  to 

me.     I  had  two  personal  maids — until  my  father — 

my  father — 

[She  covers  her  eyes  with  her  handker 
chief.] 

13 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
Ah!     You  lost  your  father! 

Miss  ROYLE 

{With  asperity;  dabbing  at  her  tearsJ] 
No!    He  lost  his  money. 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
Oh! 

Miss  ROYLE 

It's  a  terrible  thing  for  a  lady  to  come  down  to  the 
position  of  a  dependent !  Oh,  isn't  that  the  way  with 
life !  Here  we  are — we  work  unceasingly ;  our  pleas 
ures  are  few.  What  do  we  have?  Nothing!  While 
for  one  child,  because  she  happens  to  be  born  to  it,  all 
this  luxury — 

[Makes  a  sweeping  gesture.] 

— everything  her  Heart  can  desire.  And  she  isn't 
even  grateful! 

THE  Music  TEACHER 

It  must  be  trying  to  have  that  troublesome  youngster 
constantly.  The  questions  she  asks!  What  do  you 
suppose  it  was  yesterday? 

[Mimicking  GWENDOLYN .  ] 
"Miss  Brown,  what  is  the  meaning  of  absquatulate?" 

[The  OTHER  TEACHERS  and  Miss  ROYLE 

laugh, ,] 
What  she  needs  is  a  good,  old-fashioned  spanking! 

14 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
[Crossing  to  the  Music  TEACHER.] 
Well,  what  is  the  meaning  of  absquatulate? 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
Ah — um — I  think  he's  addressing  you,  Miss  Royle. 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Taken  aback.] 
Oh!    Ahem! 

[Shaking  a  finger  at  the  DANCING  MAS 
TER,  and  simpering.] 

Professor,  I  shall  answer  you  just  as  I  do  Gwendo 
lyn. 

[The  light  of  the  elevator  descends.] 
Use  your  Dictionary! 

[There  is  laughter  and  applause.  In  the 
midst  of  the  gaiety,  the  elevator  door 
opens,  and  GWENDOLYN  comes  slowly 
out.  She  wears  a  daintily  embroidered 
frock,  and  slippers.  She  is  followed  by 
JANE,  who  is  dressed  for  a  drive,  and  car 
ries  GWENDOLYN'S  hat,  coat,  and  hand 
bag.  THOMAS  follows,  in  the  livery  of  a 
footman.  He  has  a  large  Teddy  bear 
under  one  arm.] 
Gwendolyn,  dear! 

[Miss  ROYLE  springs  up.] 

GWENDOLYN 

[To  the  TEACHERS,  who  have  also  risen.] 
I'm  glad  you're  not  gone.     I  wanted  to  see  you  all. 


THR  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  TEACHERS 
Darling!    How  sweet  of  you!     Gwennie! 

GWENDOLYN 

I   wanted   to   see   you   because — because   maybe   I 
couldn't  ever  again. 

THE  TEACHERS 
What?    Eh? 

[They  stare  at  one  another.'} 

MlSS  ROYLE 

{With  some  concern.'} 
I  don't  understand  you,  darling. 

GWENDOLYN 

Well,  you  know,  this  is  my  birthday.     So  I'm  going 
to  ask  father  and  mother  to  let  me  go  to  day-school. 

THE  TEACHERS 
[In  consternation.'] 
What?    Day  school?     Himmel!     Mon  Dieu! 

[JANE  puts  a  hand  to  her  mouth  to  con 
ceal  a  smile."] 

Miss  ROYLE 

What  are  you  talking  about,  you  ridiculous  child! 
Day-school,  indeed! 

[Seating  herself.} 

Haven't  your  dear  father  and  mother  provided  you 
with  your  own  school-room? 

16 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

I  don't  want  my  own  school-room.     It's  too  lone 
some. 

Miss  ROYLE 
And  what  about  these  dear,  kind  friends? 

[Indicates  the  TEACHERS.] 
Don't  you  want  them,  to  come  here  any  more? 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  I've  been  such  a  bother  to  them.     They'll  all  be 
glad  when  I  go  to  day  school. 

Miss  ROYLE 

[Sneeringly] 
Day-school!    Where  did  you  get  that  common  idea? 

THE  TEACHERS 
Humph!    Bourgeois!     Common! 

[The  FRENCH  TEACHER  and  the  GER 
MAN  TEACHER  again  seat  themselves  on 
the  couch.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[Bravely.] 
Day-school  is  where  grown-up  girls  and  boys  go. 

JANE 

You    hear?     Grown-up!     That's    what    she's    been 
givin'  me. 

17 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
[Happily.] 
I  am  grown-up  to-day. 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Brightly.'] 

Oh,  I  see!  One  of  her  pretend-games.  Very  well, 
Gwennie;  you're  grown-up.  Now,  what  shall  we 
pretend? 

GWENDOLYN 
It  isn't  a  pretend-game.     It's  really  and  truly! 

Miss  ROYLE 

[Rising,  and  going  to  GWENDOLYN.] 
You're  going  to  ask  your  father  and  mother  to  dis 
charge  your  dear,  kind  teachers? 

[She  takes  GWENDOLYN  roughly  by  the 

arm.] 

Now,  young  lady!  I've  had  quite  enough  of  this 
nonsense!  Grown-up,  indeed! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Stoutly.] 

Well,  Johnnie  Blake  was  grown-up,  and  to-day  I'm 
just  as  old  as  he  was. 

Miss  ROYLE 
A-a-ah!    Johnnie  Blake!     So  that's  it! 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
And  who  is  Master  Blake? 

18 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MlSS  ROYLE 

A  dirty,  ragged  little  boy  she  met  when  she  went  to 
the  country.  She's  been  prattling  about  him  ever 
since.  Johnnie  Blake!  Johnnie  Blake!  Johnnie 
Blake! 

GWENDOLYN 

I'm  a  whole  year  older  than  I  was  yesterday.  Isn't 
it  so,  Jane? 

JANE 

Yes,  but  how  much  bigger? 

GWENDOLYN 
[Disconcerted.] 
Huh? 

JANE 
How  much  bigger? 

GWENDOLYN 

[Her  confidence  coming  back.] 
Oh,  a  lot! 

[JANE  whispers  to  THOMAS.] 

Miss  ROYLE 

You  stupid  girl!  Do  you  think  a  person  grows  up 
in  a  single  night? 

JANE 

[Significantly.] 
Miss  Royle,  you  ain't  forgot,  have  you,  Miss  Gwen- 

19 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

dolyn  had  me  measure  her  yesterday — right  over 
there,  on  the  post? 

[Points  to  the  newel- post. ~] 

MlSS   ROYLE 

Thank  you,  Jane.  Well,  Miss,  since  you're  so  cer 
tain  that  you're  grown-up  to-day,  just  step  over  and 
measure  again. 

GWENDOLYN 
I — I — don't  want  to. 

Miss  ROYLE 

[To  the  TEACHERS.] 
There!     You  see?     She's  afraid! 

[To  GWENDOLYN.] 
Well,  I'll  take  this  nonsense  out  of  your  head! 

[To  the  Music  TEACHER.] 
Your  roll,  please. 

[Taking  the  music-roll,  she  crosses  to  the 

newel-post. ~\ 
Where  is  the  mark,  Jane? 

[GWENDOLYN  retreats  a  little  toward  the 

dining -room.] 

JANE 

[Pointing.] 
Top  of  the  post. 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Placing  the  music-roll  on  the  post.] 

Come,  Gwendolyn! 

20 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[GWENDOLYN  looks  at  her  governess 
fearfully  for  a  moment,  then  starts  to- 
ward  her,  walking  on  her  toes.'} 

THE  FRENCH  TEACHER 
[Pointing.} 
She  walks  on  her  toes ! 

[GWENDOLYN  lowers  herself,  with  an  ac 
cusing  look  at  the  FRENCH  TEACHER. 
She  goes  to  stand  under  the  music-roll; 
then  rises  slightly  to  her  toes  again. 
Miss  ROYLE  grasps  her  roughly  by  a 
shoulder,  pushes  her  down  to  her  heels, 
and  lowers  the  roll  until  it  rests  upon 
GWENDOLYN'S  head.} 

Miss  ROYLE 
Come  out! 

[She  pulls  GWENDOLYN  away  from  the 
post.  GWENDOLYN  goes,  looking  back 
over  a  shoulder  anxiously.} 

You  see!    Not  a  hair's  difference! 

GWENDOLYN 

[Returns  to  look  again;  satisfies  herself 
that  ROYLE  speaks  the  truth;  then  bursts 
out  vehemently,} 

But  I  am  grown-up !     lam!     And — 
[With  determination.} 

— I'm  not  going  to  have  teachers  any  more. 

21 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[Turning  to  Miss  ROYLE.] 
No,  nor  a  governess ! 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Ironically.] 
Oh!     So  I'm  to  go,  too? 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  Miss  Royle,  it's  nothing  against  you,  or  my 
teachers.  It's  only — oh,  I  want  to  be  in  a  big  play 
ground — with  lots  of  girls  and  boys,  running  and 
playing  and  shouting,  and —  Oh!  I've  seen  them 
as  we  drove  by,  and  they  seemed  so  happy!  While 
here — I — I — know  you  all  do  the  best  you  can  for 
me,  but  I — I — 

[POTTER  appears  at  the  sideboard  in  the 

dining-room.] 
Oh,  Potter! 

POTTER 
[He  enters.] 
Yes,  little  dear? 

GWENDOLYN 

Potter!  You'll  believe  me!  You'll  see  I'm  grown 
up! 

POTTER 

[Surprised.] 

Grown-up!  Bless  your  dear  little  heart,  a  young 
miss  don't  grow  up  till  she's  eighteen. 

[GWENDOLYN  looks  at  him  sorrowfully, 

22 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

keeping  back  Tier  tears.    He  pats  her, 
hair,  and  returns  to  the  dining-room.] 

Miss  ROYLE 
[To  the  TEACHERS.] 

And  now  I'll  excuse  you  all  for  the  afternoon.     You 
may  come  to-morrow  at  your  usual  time. 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
[Whispering.] 
Is  it  all  right,  Miss  Royle? 

Miss  ROYLE 
[With  a  wise  nod.'} 
Leave  a  certain  person  to  me. 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
Good  afternoon,  Gwennie  dear. 

THE  FRENCH  TEACHER 
[To  GWENDOLYN,  plaintively.] 
And  she  sink,  please,  so  kind  of  her  Mademoiselle! 

THE  GERMAN  TEACHER 
Auf  wiedersehen! 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 

I  wish  you  many  happy  returns  of  the  day,  my  dear. 
[He  pats  GWENDOLYN  on  the  head. 
The  TEACHERS  go,  whispering  among 
themselves.] 

23 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MlSS  ROYLE 

Gwendolyn  love. 

[She  drops  on  one  knee,  and  takes  GWEN 
DOLYN'S  hand.] 

Listen,  pet.  Your  teachers  didn't  know  it  was  your 
birthday,  and  they  were  here  a  long,  long  time.  And 
they  got  very  tired.  So  Miss  Royle  had  them  wait 
down  here  instead  of  up  in  the  stuffy  nursery. 

[More  confidential.] 
But  we  are  not  going  to  say  anything  about  it,  are  we? 

GWENDOLYN 
[With  no  interest.] 
No. 

Miss  ROYLE 

That's  right,  Gwennie, — because — it  might  worry 
mother! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Suddenly  concerned.] 
Oh!    Mother! 

[She  crosses  to  the  hearth.] 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Rising.] 
Oh,  Jane! 

JANE 
Well? 

[She  comes  to  the  Governess.] 

24 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MlSS  ROYLE 

A  certain  party  should  not  get  to  headquarters  with 
these  new — er —     You  understand? 


JANE 

But  what  do  I  git  out  of  it  ? 

Miss  ROYLE 
You  may  have  this  evening  off, — yes-s-s. 

[Nods,  smiling,  and  enters  the  elevator. 
The  light  of  the  car  does  not  go  up.~\ 

THOMAS 

[Speaking  with  a  strong  Cockney  accent; 
he  comes  to  JANE.] 
She's  an  old  snake-in-the-grass. 

GWENDOLYN 

[Who  is  seated  in  one  of  the  carved 

chairs.  ] 

Thomas!  Why  do  you  always  call  Miss  Royle  a 
snake-in-the-grass  ? 

JANE 

[Going  to  GWENDOLYN.] 

That's  somethin'  you  can't  understand.  Now, 
Gwennie,  we're  goin'  out.  It  ain't  good  for  a  little 
girl  to  stay  inside  all  day,  and  miss  the  nice,  fresh  air. 

[She  holds  out  GWENDOLYN'S  coat.] 

25 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
[Rising  joyously.'] 
Oh — I  want  to  go  out! 

[She  thrusts  one  arm  into  a  sleeve.] 

JANE 

Thomas,  you  can  order  the  limousine. 

THOMAS 

[Jerking  his  head  toward  the  vestibule.] 
Hit's  waitin'. 

GWENDOLYN 

[Taking  her  arm  out  of  the  coat-sleeve.] 
Oh,  I  don't  want  the  car.     I  want  to  walk. 

JANE 

[Disdainfully.] 
Walk? 

GWENDOLYN 
[Smiling.] 

Yes,  Jane.  I'll  tell  you!  We'll  go  out,  and  down 
across  the  grass  to  the  bridle-path.  The  dirt's  loose 
there,  and  I  can  scuff  it  with  my  shoes. 

JANE 
Yes!    And  poor  Jane  can  wear  herself  out  cleanin'! 

GWENDOLYN 

No,  Jane!  I'll  do  it  myself.  Why,  up  at  Johnnie 
Blake's,  I— 

26 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

JANE 

No,  you  won't!  It  was  downright  shameful  the  way 
you  muddied  your  clothes  that  week  you  was  up 
country;  and  raced  out  in  the  thunderstorms  1 

GWENDOLYN 
Who  told  you  I  did  that? 

JANE 
A  little  bird. 

GWENDOLYN 
What  kind  of  a  little  bird? 

JANE 

Never  you  mind.    We'll  ride. 

GWENDOLYN 

But,  Jane,  I  could  just  kick  up  the  leaves,  and  throw 
'em.  Why,  I  haven't  walked  for  a  whole  week! 

JANE 

You  can  lean  back  in  the  car,  darlin',  and  pretend 
you're  a  grand  little  queen. 

GWENDOLYN 
I  don't  want  to  pretend  queen.     I  want  to  walk. 

JANE 

Rich  little  girls  don't  hike  along  the  streets  like  com 
mon  little  girls. 

27 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

I  don't  want  to  be  a  rich  little  girl.    I  want  to  walk. 
[She  crosses  to  the  couch.'] 

JANE 

[Following  her.~] 

Now,  be  still!  You'll  go  in  the  machine  if  you  go  at 
all.  Do  you  think  I'm  going  to  tramp  over  the  hard 
pavement  on  my  poor  tired  feet,  just  because  you 
take  a  notion? 

[Coolly.] 
Tell  the  chauffeur  we're  ready,  Thomas. 

[THOMAS  goes  toward  the  vestibule.] 

GWENDOLYN 

But  I  don't  want  to  be  shut  up  in  the  car  on  my  birth 
day.  And  I  won't!  I  hate  the  carl  I  hate  riding! 
I  hate  the  chauffeur! 

JANE 
Oh! 

GWENDOLYN 

And  I  hate  you!  And  I  won't  ride!  I  won't!  I 
won't ! 

[Sobbing,  she  hides  her  face  in  her  arms. 

There   is    a    moment    of   tense    silence. 

THOMAS  comes  back,  exchanging  a  look 

with  JANE.] 

28 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

JANE 

[Quietly,  with  a  pretence  of  submission.] 
All  right!  All  right!  Walk.  But  don't  blame 
Jane  if — 

[Dropping  her  voice  in  fear.] 
— before  you  git  to  the  corner  somebody  steals  you! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Looking  up.] 
Steals  me? 

JANE 

Yes,  steals  you. 

GWENDOLYN 
But  other  little  girls  walk  all  the  time. 

JANE 

[Purses  her  mouth.,  folds  her  arms,  and 
speaks  in  a  funereal  voice.] 
Well,  Thomas,  I  guess,  after  all,  I'll  have  to  tell  her. 

THOMAS 
She  forces  y*  to. 

[GWENDOLYN   looks   from   one   to   the 
other.] 

JANE 

It's  true.  Nobody  steals  poor  little  girls  and  boys. 
But  it's  different  when  a  young  lady's  papa  is  made 
of  money. 

99 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THOMAS 
So  much  money,  hit  fairly  makes  me  palm  itch! 

[Rubs  one  open  hand  against  a  corner  of 
the  couch.'} 

GWENDOLYN 

But  my  father  isn't  made  of  money.     I've  seen  his 
sleeves  rolled  up,  and  his  arms  are  strong,  like  Jane's. 
[THOMAS  giggles.] 

JANE 

[Making  scared  eyes] 

What's  that  got  to  do  with  the  wicked  men  that  keep 
watch  of  this  house  ? 

GWENDOLYN 
Wicked — men? 

JANE 

[  Triumphantly] 

Aha!  Now,  just  let  me  ask  you  another  question: 
Why  are  there  bars  on  our  basement  windows? 

[GWENDOLYN'S  lips  part  to  reply,  but  no 

words  come] 
Kidnappers! 

THOMAS 
With  knives! 

JANE 

Big  curved  knives,  and  they  grab  rich  little  girls  and 
boys,  and  carry  'em  off,  and  they  never,  never  see 
their  father  and  mother  again. 

30 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh! 

[She  rises,  staring  before  her  in  fear.] 
Then — I  won't  go  out  at  all. 

THOMAS 
[To  JANE.] 
Now,  you've  done  hit ! 

[Strides  away  in  disgust.] 

JANE 

[Exasperated.] 

But  there  ain't  no  danger  if  you  go  out  in  the  car. — 
Now,  see  here!  I  ain't  goin'  to  stand  quarrellin'  with 
you  all  day.  You'll  go  with  Thomas  and  me,  or  I'll 
call  the  policeman. 

[GWENDOLYN  starts  in  fresh  alarm.] 

THOMAS 
[Returning.] 
Do  you  want  'im  to  come  with  'is  club  ? 

[GWENDOLYN  shrinks  from  him.] 

JANE 

All  shiny  with  blood! 

GWENDOLYN 

But — but,  Jane!  You  stand  and  talk  to  him  every 
night. 

JANE 

What's  that? 

31 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THOMAS 
[Jealously.'} 

Ho,  ho!     She  does?     H'm!     She  does,  now! 
[He  crosses  to  the  fireplace.'} 

JANE 

[To  GWENDOLYN.] 

Hold  your  tongue ! 

[Puzzled  at  the  command,  GWENDOLYN 
touches  the  tip  of  her  tongue  with  a 
finger.  JANE  follows  THOMAS.] 

OK,  now,  Thomas,  don't  be  misunderstandin' — 

THOMAS 

[Coldly.-} 
Miss  Jane,  if  you're  ready — 

[He  goes  to  wait  in  the  vestibule.] 

JANE 

[Transferring   her   anger   to    GWENDO 
LYN.] 
You  put  on  this  coat. 

[She  pulls  GWENDOLYN  to  her  roughly.} 

GWENDOLYN 

[Allowing  the  coat  to  "be  put  on.} 
But,  Jane,  let's  drive  down  to  father's  office,  and 
bring  him  home. 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

JANE 

[Suddenly  suspicious.'} 
Father's  office? 

[She  looks  at  THOMAS,  who  turns  his 

head  away  indifferently.'} 

Dearie,  I'm  sorry,  but  I  couldn't  allow  you  to  go  to 
your  papa's  office. 

[Shakes  her  head  solemnly.'} 
It's  full  of  bears. 

GWENDOLYN 
[Frightened.'} 
Bears!    Live  bears? 

JANE 

[Nodding.} 

They'd  eat  you  up ! — Now,  on  goes  the  pretty  hat. 

[GWENDOLYN  puts  on  her  hat,  then  cov 
ers  her  eyes  with  both  hands."} 

Tut,  tut!     Little  ladies  don't  cry! 

[GWENDOLYN  controls  her  weeping,  puts 
a  hand  in  JANE'S,  and  they  go  toward  the 
vestibule.} 

THOMAS 
Miss  Jane! 

[He  waves  them  to  pass,  and  GWENDO 
LYN  goes  out.} 

JANE 

[Coyly,  as  she  stops.} 
Now,  Thomas  dear! 

33 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THOMAS 

Thankin'  you  very  kindly  for  your  hinvitation  to  ride 
hinside  the  car — but  Hill  stay  hout ! 

JANE 

Thomas !    You  ain't  mad  ? 

THOMAS 
[Stiffly.] 

HoutJ 

[He  follows  GWENDOLYN.] 

JANE 

[Coaxingly.] 

Ah,  now,  Thomas! 

[She  follows  him.'] 

You  know  how  much  I  care  about  that  policeman! 

[POTTER  looks  in  from  the  dining-room 
and,  seeing  the  room  empty,  enters 
quickly,  and  calls  back  over  his  shoulder.] 

POTTER 

Come  through  here. 

[A  PLUMBER  enters,  in  overalls,  with  a  kit 
of  tools  and  a  length  of  pipe  that  is  bent 
over  one  shoulder.  He  wears  a  greasy 
cap.  There  is  a  blast  from  the  horn  of 
the  limousine,  and  POTTER  goes  to  the 
window  and  looks  out] 

Bless  her  little  heart!    Bye-bye! 

[The  horn  sounds  again.] 

Bye-bye! 

34 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  PLUMBER 

[Roughly;  talking  out  of  one  side  of  his 

mouth.] 
Well,  where's  yer  broken  pipe? 

[POTTER  waves  from  the  window.'] 
Say,  you!     I'm  on  over-time,  y'  know.     Git  busy. 

POTTER 

[Going  to  the  elevator.] 
It's  on  the  second  floor. 

[As  POTTER  opens  the  elevator,,  Miss 
ROYLE  is  discovered  in  the  attitude  of 
listening.] 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Flustered.] 

Oh,  I  was  just  going  up.     I — I  mean  I  was  just 
coming  down. 

[She  leaves  the  elevator,  but  stops  on  see 
ing  the  PLUMBER.     To  POTTER.] 
Is  there  anything  the  matter? 

POTTER 

Of  all  nights  to  have  a  pipe  break!     A  wet  spot 
showing  on  the  dining-room  ceiling! 

Miss  ROYLE 
And  Madam  giving  a  dinner! 

[She  goes  to  look  into  the  dining-room.] 

THE  PLUMBER 
Well,  do  I  see  that  pipe? 

35 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

POTTER 
Step  into  the  elevator. 

THE  PLUMBER 

Come  on,  sleuth!  Keep  yer  lamps  on  me.  I  might 
be  one  of  them  second-story  crooks.  Haw!  Haw! 
Haw! 

[He  slaps  POTTER  on  the  back  familiarly, 
and  enters  the  elevator.  POTTER  ex 
changes  a  look  with  Miss  ROYLE;  then 
follows  the  PLUMBER,  and  closes  the  ele 
vator  door.  The  light  goes  up.~\ 

MOTHER 

[Speaking  from  the  vestibule."} 
No,  I  shan't  need  the  car  again  to-night. 

THE  SECOND  FOOTMAN 
Very  well,  Madam. 

[MOTHER  enters,  followed  by  the  SECOND 
FOOTMAN,  who  is  carrying  two  packages, 
a  large  and  a  small.  The  FOOTMAN 
places  the  packages  on  the  table,  and 
exits  into  the  vestibule.] 

MOTHER 
Ah,  Miss  Royle! 

Miss  ROYLE 

[Hastening  forward] 
Let  me  take  your  coat,  Madam. 

36 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 

Thank  you,  Miss  Royle. — Is  Potter  in  the  dining- 
room? 

Miss  ROYLE 
No;  he's  upstairs,  Madam. 

MOTHER 

[Indicates  the  packages."] 
These  are  for  him.     Favors. 

Miss  ROYLE 
Yes-s-s. 

[Picks  up  both  packages  and  goes  to 
ward  the  dining-room.] 

MOTHER 
No,  not  the  large  one.     That  is  for  Gwendolyn. 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Halting.] 
Of  course! 

[Returns  to  place  the  large  package  on 
the  table.] 

MOTHER 
A  birthday  present. 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Simpers.] 
You  are  always  so  thoughtful! 

37 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 
How  has  she  been  to-day? 

Miss  ROYLE 

[Gushingly,  as  she  unwraps  the  favors."} 
Oh,  she's  had  a  perfectly  wonderful  day,  the  little 
angel!  Played  with  her  nurse  until  afternoon;  then 
she  came  downstairs  to  me.  I  didn't  ask  her  to  have 
lessons,  but  all  her  dear  teachers  came  to  bring  her 
greetings.  It  was  most  touching.  Then  she  wanted 
to  go  for  a  nice  happy  ride.  So — 

MOTHER 

I'm  glad  she's  had  such  a  pleasant  birthday.  I 
promised  her  this  morning  that  I'd  come  up  to  the 
nursery  for  a  little  visit. 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Simpering.] 

Yes-s-s ! 

MOTHER 

She  said  she  had  something  important — very  impor 
tant — to  say  to  me.  Do  you  know  what  it  is  ? 

[Miss  ROYLE  hesitates.  The  light  of  the 
elevator  descends.  POTTER  enters  from 
the  car.] 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Quickly.] 

Oh,  Madam,  I  forgot  to  tell  you  about  the  break  in 
the  pipes  over  the  dining-room. 

38 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 
A  break?    The  dining-room? 

Miss  ROYLE 
Yes,  Madam;  the  plumber's  here  now. 

MOTHER 
[Distressed.] 
Oh,  I  hope  it  isn't  serious! — Potter! 

POTTER 

Not  very  serious,  Madam.     We  got  it  in  time,  as  you 
can  see. 

[He  leads  the  way  to  the  door  of  the  din 
ing-room,,  and  draws  aside  the  velvet 
hanging] 

MOTHER 
You  say  it's  being  fixed?     Dear,  dear! 

[Miss  ROYLE  stands  staring  before  her 
nervously] 

The  table's  beautiful,  Potter! 

POTTER 
Oh,  thank  you,  Madam! 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Taking  up  the  favors] 

Oh,  Madam,  these  place  cards — Potter's  so  busy.     If 
you  can  direct  me,  I'll  put  them  around  myself. 

39 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 

Very  well.     Thank  you,  Miss  Royle. 

[She  follows  the  governess  into  the  din 
ing-room.'] 

The  Doctor  will  sit  here,  and — 

[POTTER  follows  his  mistress  as  FATHER 
enters  from  the  vestibule.  The  latter  has 
on  a  business  suit.  He  walks  wearily. 
He  comes  to  sit  on  the  couch.} 

MOTHER 

[Entering,  and  speaking  over  a  shoulder 
to  Miss  ROYLE.] 
The  two  ladies  at  this  end,  Miss  Royle. 

Miss  ROYLE 

[From  the  dining-room.'} 
Yes,  Madam. 

MOTHER 

[Sees  FATHER,  and  goes  to  him.} 
Oh,  dear!     I'm  glad  you're  home! 

[FATHER  looks  up  at  her;  nods,  smiling.} 
You  look  tired!    Has  it  been  a  hard  day? 

FATHER 
No, — not  harder  than  usual. 

MOTHER 
That's  good. 

40 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 
And  you? 

MOTHER 

Well,  it's  been  a  trying  day  for  me.  Dressmakers, 
and  hunting  around  for  favors.  Then,  at  the  Char 
ity  Committee  Meeting  this  morning,  the  President 
was — so — 

[Breaking  off.] 
Oh,  well,  I  thought — rude. 

FATHER 
[Angrily.] 
That  woman  nasty  to  you? 

MOTHER 

[Going  to  sit  beside  FATHER.] 

It  doesn't  pay  to  resent  such  things.  They  say  she's 
simply  the  arbiter  in  that  set. 

FATHER 
[Impatiently.] 

They  say  I    They  say! 

MOTHER 
Now,  don't  be  angry  with  me ! 

FATHER 

Angry!  Oh,  no,  dear;  it's  not  you.  It's  only  that 
I — I  can't  get  used  to  seeing  my  wife  on  her  knees  to 
anybody.  But  of  course — 

[Rising,  and  crossing  the  room.] 

41 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIEL 

— a  man  doesn't  understand  that  sort  of  thing.     I 
suppose  it's  all  in  the  game. 

MOTHER 
You're  worried! 

[Following  him..    As  he  halts  and  turns, 
she  looks  at  his  face  with  concern.] 
What  have  you  been  doing  to  yourself? 

FATHER 

[Dropping  to  a  chair  by  the  hearth.] 
Oh,  I'll  be  all  right  when  I  get  a  little  rest.     What 
I  need  is  a  twelve  hours'  sleep. 

MOTHER 
Yes,  yes,  dear;  but  the  dinner! 

FATHER 
[Blankly.'] 
Dinner? 

MOTHER 

Oh,  not  a  big  one — just  half  a  dozen  people. 

FATHER 

Will  it  matter  if  I'm  left  out?    I've  got  to  see  my 
broker  to-night  about  some  serious  business. 

MOTHER 

Yes,  I  know,  dear,  but  that  would  upset  my  table. — 
And  then  you've  forgotten  somebody  that's  coming. 

[He  looks  up  at  her  enquiringly] 
The  Doctor! 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 
[Delighted.] 

Oh,  the  Doctor! 

[Rising.] 
And  I  haven't  seen  him  in  years ! 

MOTHER 

I  thought  I'd  like  him  to  be  here  on  Gwendolyn's 
birthday. 

FATHER 
Good! — How  is  she? 

MOTHER 

Doing  so  splendidly,  Miss  Royle  says.  And,  dear, 
this  dinner — it's  practically  for  her.  The  right  peo 
ple  are  coming — people  who  have  children — the  very 
smartest  little  set,  you  see. 

[The  SECOND  FOOTMAN  enters  from  the 
vestibule,  carrying  a  merry-go-round.] 
Oh,  a  merry-go-'round! 

FATHER 
I  stole  fifteen  minutes  to  pick  that  out. 

[He  takes  the  toy  from  the  SECOND  FOOT 
MAN,  who  goes.] 

MOTHER 
Oh,  she'll  like  that! 

[She  turns  the  merry-go-'round.] 

43 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 

Think  so?  But  you  mustn't  wear  yourself  out  with 
these  social  affairs. 

MOTHER 
[Earnestly.'} 

Well,  a  mother  can't  think  of  that — when  she  has  a 
growing  daughter. 

FATHER 

I  know,  I  know! 

[Miss  ROYLE  enters  from  the  dining- 
room.  Her  manner  in  FATHER'S  pres 
ence  is  dignified.} 

Call  Gwennie,  Miss  Royle. 

MOTHER 
She's  gone  for  a  drive,  dear. 

FATHER 
[Disappointed.] 
Oh! 

MOTHER 

But  she'll  be  down  for  the  guests  to-night. — And  her 
supper  can  be  a  little  later  than  usual.  You  under 
stand,  Miss  Royle? 

Miss  ROYLE 
Perfectly. 

[She  bows.} 

44 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 
Come,  dear ;  it's  time  to  dress. 

[She  goes  toward  the  elevator.'} 

FATHER 
Oh,  all  right. 

[He  follows,  carrying  the  merry-go- 
'round,  opens  the  elevator  door,  and 
stands  aside  for  MOTHER  to  pass.'} 

Miss  ROYLE 
Oh!— Oh,  Madam! 

[MOTHER  turns.'] 
My  neuralgia's  been  simply  terrible  to-day! 

[She  puts  a  hand  to  her  cheek.} 

MOTHER 
I'm  sorry.  * 

Miss  ROYLE 
If  I  could  be  spared  to-night — ? 

MOTHER 
Very  well. 

Miss  ROYLE 
Thank  you!     Thank  you! 

[MOTHER  enters  the  elevator.  FATHER 
follows,  closing  the  door.  The  light  goes 
up.} 

45 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

JANE 

[From    the    vestibule;    wrangling    with 
THOMAS.] 
I  say  you  did! 

THOMAS 
I  say  I  didn't! 

JANE 

Yes,  you  did! 

THOMAS 
No,  I  didn't! 

JANE 

You  did,  too! 

THOMAS 
We-e-ell,  what  if  I  did! 

[GWENDOLYN  enters  from  the  vestibule, 
followed  by  THOMAS  and  JANE.  GWEN 
DOLYN  is  listless;  she  seats  herself  in  a 
chair  by  the  hearth,  the  Teddy  bear  in 
her  arms.'] 

MlSS  ROYLE 

Well,  Jane !    Why  this  sudden  return? 

JANE 

[Ignores  her;  to  THOMAS.] 

The  shame  of  it!     Right  in  front  of  the  chauffeur — 
to  give  me  the  cold  shoulder! 

46 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THOMAS 

[Warning  JANE.] 
Now,  don't  start  no  tongue  lashin' ! 

Miss  ROYLE 

Thomas! — "Don't  start  no  tongue  lashin'!"     Why 
mil  you  murder  the  King's  English ! 

GWENDOLYN 

[Startled,  rises y  and  goes  to  THOMAS.] 
Oh,  Thomas!    I  didn't  see  that!    Did — did  we  run 
over  the  King's  English? 

THOMAS 
[Laughing.] 

Did  we  run  hover  the  King's — 

[He    covers    his    mouth.     GWENDOLYN, 
puzzled,  turns  to  Miss  ROYLE.] 

Miss  ROYLE 
Gwendolyn,  love,  come  kiss  Miss  Royle. 

JANE 

Why,  you  ain't  goin'  out? 

Miss  ROYLE 
By  Madam's  express  orders.     Yes-s-s. 

JANE 

But  you  promised  I  could  have  the  evenin'  off. 

47 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MlSS  ROYLE 

Now,  Jane,  don't  sulk.     Madam  also  orders  Mis 
Gwendolyn  brought  down  to-night. 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  goody,  goody!     I'm  coming  downstairs  to-nighl 
IS  he  dances  up  and  down  happily.'} 

Miss  ROYLE 
Gwendolyn,  love,  your  presents  are  upstairs. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  mother  is  home  ! 

he  starts  toward  the  elevator.] 


Miss  ROYLE 

[Stopping  her.] 

But  you  mustn't  bother  mother  now.  She's  dressing 
—  yes-s-s.  Good  night,  dear. 

[She  kisses  GWENDOLYN  and  goes  towart 

the  vestibule.] 
There,  there,  Jane!     Be  fair  —  yes-s-s.     Yes-s-s. 

[She   goes,   and   GWENDOLYN   surrepti 

tiously  wipes  the  kiss  from  her  cheek.] 

JANE 

[Going  to  GWENDOLYN  and  taking  th< 

Teddy  Bear.] 

Well,  with  all  the  new  presents  you  git,  it's  high  tim« 
you  was  throwin'  away  this  little  beast.  A  great  bi^ 
girl  like  you! 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
But  I'm  going  to  keep  my  Puffy  Bear. 

JANE 

But,  look!    It's  covered  with  germs.     Let  Thomas 
throw  the  ragged  old  thing  into  the  rubbish-can. 
[She  offers  THOMAS  the  bear.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  no!  no! 

[She  reaches  out  both  arms.] 

THOMAS 
[To  JANE,  with  mock  politeness.] 

No,  thank  you!     You  can  do  that  yourself — to-night 

— when  you  stand  hout  there  talkin'  to  your  friend, 

the  policeman. 

[He  stalks  to  the  door  of  the  dining- 
room.] 

JANE 
[Following.] 

Oh,  now!    Thomas! 

THOMAS 

[Halting,  to  turn.] 
You  two-faced  thing! 

JANE 

[Pleadingly.] 
Thomas! 

GWENDOLYN 
Jane,  have  you  really  got  two  faces? 

49 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THOMAS 

Aw,   you   can't   bluff  me!     That  policeman!     'E' 
'eels  over  'ead!     'Eels  over  'ead! 
[He  goes  out.] 

GWENDOLYN 

Jane,  how  can  the  policeman  walk  if  he's  heels  ove: 
head? 

JANE 

[Hastily.] 

Here,  dear,  take  your  bear.  Jane  has  to  see  Thoma; 
for  a  minute. 

[She  starts  toward  the  dining-room.'] 

GWENDOLYN 
But,  Jane,  if  the  policeman — 

JANE 

[Halting.] 

Hush  your  foolish  questions !  And  don't  you  dare  t( 
leave  this  room  till  I  come  back. 

[She  goes  out.] 

GWENDOLYN 

Now,  Puffy,  don't  look  frightened!  I'm  not  goin£ 
to  let  Jane  take  you  away.  Why,  you're  my  besl 
friend,  almost.  And  I  love  you! 

[She  seats  herself  on  the  floor,  takes  iht 
Teddy  bear  in  her  arms,  and  kisses  him.] 

50 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

If  I  knew  how  to  sew,  I'd  mend  you.  Oh,  Puffy, 
maybe  some  day  we'll  go  back  to  Johnnie  Blake's, 
and  then  it  won't  matter  if  you  are  shabby.  Of 
course,  a  farm  isn't  stylish.  But  do  you  remember 
the  gingham  dress  I  wore?  With  the  pocket?  And 
we  ate  with  father  and  mother,  oh,  for  a  whole  week! 

[Sighs  longingly.] 

Oh,  I  wish  we  were  there  now!  But — we  can  pre 
tend. 

[Springs  up.] 
See,  Puffy!    Here's  Johnnie  now. 

[She  curtseys  to  an  imaginary  boy  at  her 

side.] 
How  do  you  do,  Johnnie? 

[Imitating  JOHNNIE'S  voice  and  manner.] 
Hello,  kid!     Why  don't  you  go  barefoot? 

[Herself  again.] 
Well,  I  will! 

[She  pretends  to  kick  off  her  slippers  and 

stockings;  then  imitates  JOHNNIE  again,] 
Bully!     Goin'  fishin'  with  me?     See  here! 

[Herself.] 
Oo-o-o !    Wor-rms ! 

[JOHNNIE.] 
Traidcat!     'Fraid  cat! 

[Herself.] 
Fm  not  afraid  of  worms. 

[JOHNNIE.] 
Well,  come  on!     Here,  Rover!     Here,  Rover! 

[She  pats  her  dress  to  call  the  dog.] 

51 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

K  [Outside  the  great  window,  a  hand-organ 

strikes  up  a  tune. 
Herself.] 

He's  going  too?    Oh,  goody!    Goody! 

[GWENDOLYN  hears  the  hand-organ,  and 
stops  her  game.  Smiling,  she  runs  to  the 
•window,  kneels  on  the  cushioned  seat, 
pushes  open  the  sash,  and  calls  down.'] 

Mister  Organ-Grinder!    Mister  Organ-Grinder ! 

IS  he  waves  to  him,  and  the  music  stops.} 

Come  on  up  here. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[From  the  street.'} 
Up  there? 

GWENDOLYN 
Yes,  I'd  like  to  see  you. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Oh,  no,  no! 

GWENDOLYN 
I'll  give  you  a  dollar. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
A  dollar? 

GWENDOLYN 
Yes.    Come  on!    Please! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Nobody'll  let  me  in. 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

j 
I'll  let  you  in  myself.     Wait! 

[She  closes  the  window,  gives  a  quick 
survey  of  the  room  and  darts  into  the 
vestibule.  JANE  enters  from  the  dining- 
room,  speaking  back  over  her  shoulder  to 
THOMAS,  who  follows.] 

JANE 

Oh,  the  theayter  will  be  fine,  Thomas! 

THOMAS 

But  how  can  you?  Old  Royle  'as  gone  hout,  and 
you'll  have  to  stay  with  the  young  un. 

JANE 

That's  easy.  You  go  to  the  drug-store  and  buy 
some  of  that  sleepin'  medicine.  I'll  give  her  a  good 
dose  of  it,  and  she'll  be  off  my  hands  till  mornin'. 

THOMAS 

Right  you  are.     I'll  get  it. 

[Looking  about.] 
Where  is  she? 

JANE 

[Calling.] 
Gwendolyn! 

[She  crosses  to  the  foot  of  the  stairs, 
while  THOMAS  goes  to  the  door  of  the 
music-room  and  looks  in.] 

53 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THOMAS 

You  needn't  hide,  Miss!     We  know  where  you  are! 
[He  goes  into  the  music-room. ~\ 

JANE 

Gwendolyn! — Was  there  ever  such  a  child! — Gwen 
dolyn  ! 

[She  races  up  the  stairs.  GWENDOLYN 
appears  in  the  vestibule,  makes  sure  that 
the  hall  is  vacant,  then  calls  to  the  ORGAN- 
GRINDER.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[Politely.] 

Come  on  in,  Mr.  Organ-Grinder. 

[She  comes  down,  and  the  ORGAN- 
GRINDER  comes  to  a  halt  by  the  fountain. 
Over  his  shoulder  by  a  strap  hangs  his 
hand-organ.  He  is  about  sixty,  with  grey 
hair  and  rosy  cheeks.  His  face  is  gentle, 
but  he  is  roughly  dressed  in  baggy  trou 
sers,  an  old  soft  shirt,  and  a  torn  coat  out 
at  elbows.  His  toes  show  through  his 
shoes.  In  his  hand  is  his  ragged  hat, 
which  he  fingers  nervously.] 

Oh,  come  right  in. 

[He  enters  the  hall  timidly,  with  a  glance 
backward,  then  forward.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Remember,  Miss,  you  got  me  up  here! 

[Smiling,  he  halts  by  the  hearth.] 

54 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

It's  my  birthday.     And  I'm  grown-up.     So  I  can 
have  guests. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[In  a  sudden  panic,,  lie  stumbles  against  a 
chair,  and  steps  on  the  Teddy  bear.] 
I  think  I'd  better  go  back  to  the  sidewalk. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  no,  no! — Look  out!     Oh! 

[He  retreats,  startled.'} 

I  didn't  want  you  to  step  on  Puffy.     He  and  I  were 
playing  a  pretend-game  before  you  came. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Eh? 

GWENDOLYN 

[She  introduces  an  imaginary  boy] 
This  is  Johnnie  Blake. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

[Taps  his  forehead  sadly,  then  starts  to 
leave. ~] 
Now  I  know  I  ought  to  go. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  no! 

[Catches  at  his  sleeve  and  turns  him] 
Johnnie's  not  real. 

55 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Oh!    Make-believe! 

GWENDOLYN 
Yes.     Won't  you  meet  him? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
All  right. 

[He  places  the  hand-organ  on  a  chair.'} 

GWENDOLYN 
Now  we're  up  in  the  country.     Come,  Johnnie. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Entering  into  the  game,  and  bowing  to 
JOHNNIE.] 
Howdy  do !     Howdy  do ! 

GWENDOLYN 
And  you — 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Eagerly.'] 
Yes? 

GWENDOLYN 
You're  Rover,  the  dog. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
The  dog! 

GWENDOLYN 
Yes.     Bark! 

56 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Woof!    Woof!    Woof! 

GWENDOLYN 

[Laughing  with  delight.'] 
Here,  Rover !    Here,  Rover ! 

[Pats  her  dress  to  call  the  dog.'} 
Oh,  but  you  don't  stand  up ! 

[He  drops  to  all-fours.'] 
That's  it!    Ha,  ha,  ha! 

[Jumps  up  and  down.} 
Look  out!    You're  in  the  water! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Eh? 

GWENDOLYN 

[Points  to  an  imaginary  stream.} 
Oh,  but  it  is  water. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Well,  I'm  a  water-dog. 

GWENDOLYN 
All  right.     Good!    Now,  go  over  by  the  big  trees. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Eh? 

GWENDOLYN 
The  big  trees! 

[She    points    to    the    newel-posts.    He 
goes.} 

57 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

Now,  I  jump  across  the  stream  and  I  accidentally 
drop  Puffy. 

[She  jumps  the  imaginary  stream  and 
drops  the  Teddy  bear.  The  ORGAN- 
GRINDER  springs  forward,  grabs  the 
Teddy  bear  in  his  teeth,  and  shakes  Aim.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

[Growling.] 
Rar-rar-rar! 

GWENDOLYN 

Worry  him — worry  him !  That's  it !  Shake  him  up ! 
[In  sudden  concern,  she  gets  down  on  her 
knees.] 

Now,  Rover,  don't  hurt  Puffy!  Rover,  don't  hurt 
Puffy!  Here,  give  him  to  me. 

[She  seizes  the  bear  by  a  leg.  There  is  a 
short  tussle,  then  the  ORGAN-GRINDER 
drops  the  bear;  they  sit  back,  laughing.] 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  my,  you're  a  fine  dog!  I  wish  you  were  here  all 
the  time! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Ah!  But  what  would  all  the  little  folks  around  the 
city  do?  All  my  young  friends  would  wait  and  wait, 
to  dance  on  the  pavement — and  I  and  my  music 
wouldn't  come! 

58 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  I'd  like  to  go  down  sometime  and  dance  on  the 
pavement! — without  the  Professor  around!  And  it 
must  be  nice  to  go  wherever  you  please — anywhere! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Agreeing.'] 
Ah-ha! 

GWENDOLYN 
You  know,  I  can't.     Because  Jane  is  afraid — 

[She   leans   toward   him,   dropping   her 
voice.'} 
— of  kidnappers! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Startled,,    he   rises   quickly,   seizes    the 
hand-organ,  and  makes  as  if  to  go.} 
Oh,  I  guess  I'd  better  go  out  on  the  sidewalk. 

GWENDOLYN 
[Going  to  him.} 
But  I  haven't  given  you  the  dollar  yet ! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

You  know,  Miss,  I've  got  to  go.  Just  because  I'm 
not  a  Dago,  the  policeman  on  this  beat — 

GWENDOLYN 
Are  you  afraid  of  him,  too? 

59 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Nodding.'] 
Why,  he's  run  me  off  the  block  twice! 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
You  know  that  big  club  he  carries? 
[He  rubs  his  knee.] 

GWENDOLYN 
All  shiny  with  blood! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

[Grumbling.] 

Oh,  I'd  like  to  give  him  a  black  eye !     But  all  I  can 
do  is  to  make  faces. 

[The  PLUMBER  appears  on  the  stairs. 

He  has  on  his  cap,  and  is  smoking.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Make  faces?    Where  do  you  make  faces? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Why,  you  see,  I — 

THE  PLUMBER 
[Amazed.] 
Well! 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[GWENDOLYN  and  the  ORGAN-GRINDER 
start  guiltily.'] 
What  do  y'  know  about  dis! 

[The  PLUMBER  descends.'} 

GWENDOLYN 
[Smiling  hospitably.] 
Oh,  you're  the  gentleman  that  fixes  the  pipes? 

THE  PLUMBER 
Yep. 

GWENDOLYN 

Mr.  Piper,  this  is  Mr.  Organ- Grinder. 

THE  PLUMBER 
Howdy-do,  Grinder!     Howdy-do! 

GWENDOLYN 
He's  a  wonderful  musician ! 

THE  PLUMBER 

Haw!     Haw! — And  who  are  you?     And  what  do 
you  do? 

GWENDOLYN 

I'm  only  Gwendolyn,  and — and — I —    Well,  after 
while,  I'm  going  to  be  a  laundress! 

THE  PLUMBER 
A  wash-lady,  eh? 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  I  can  see  them  from  my  nursery.     They  have 
such  fun!     They  run  about  on  the  roofs,  and  sing! 

61 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  PLUMBER 
[Sarcastically.] 
It's  a  grand  life! 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  now  let's  have  some  music.     Mr.  Organ-Grinder, 
please  begin. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Nervously.'} 
What,  here? 

GWENDOLYN 
Yes.     Oh,  please!    It's  my  birthday. 

THE  PLUMBER 

Go  on,  Grinder,  give  us  a  tune. 

[He  seizes  the  crank  of  the  hand-organ, 
gives  it  a  turn,  and  begins  to  dance. ~\ 

Let's  jolly  up  these  swells! 

[The  ORGAN-GRINDER  turns  the  crank, 
timidly  at  first,  then  more  boldly.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Come  on,  Mr.  Piper !     That's  it.     Point  your  toes. 

[As  he  dances,  the  PLUMBER  takes  up  the 
tune,  singing  into  the  pipe  coiled  about 
his  chest.  GWENDOLYN  also  dances, 
using  her  dancing-school  steps.  JANE 
comes  hurrying  down  the  staircase.] 

JANE 

[Horrified.'] 
What's  this?    What's  this? 

62 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[To  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
You  old  creature !     Git  out  of  here ! 

GWENDOLYN 

[Holding    up    her    hands    to    stop    the 
nurse '.] 
Oh,  Jane!    I  invited  him! 

THE  PLUMBER 

Yes,  she  asked  him  in.     And  what's  the  use  of  havin' 
money  if  you  can't  entertain  the  friends  you  like? 

JANE 

[To  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
You  git  out,  I  tell  you! 

[To  the  PLUMBER.] 
And  you,  too! 

THE  PLUMBER 
[Standing  in  JANE'S  way.~\ 

Now,  now,  Brick-top!     Didn't  you  hear  the  little 
lady?     This  wonderful  musician  is  a  guest. 

JANE 
Ha! 

[Rushing  to  the  door  of  the  music-room.'] 

Thomas!    Thomas! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[To  the  PLUMBER,  as  he  edges  toward 
the  vestibule.] 
I'd  better  go  out  on  the  sidewalk. 

63 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  PLUMBER 
[Holding  him  back;  mischievously.'} 

Aw,  wait!    Wait!    Let's  get  a  peek  at  Tom! 

[To  THOMAS,  who  comes  from  the  music- 
room.] 

Ho!    Ho!     So  you're  the  bouncer,  eh? 

THOMAS 
If  your  job's  done,  you  git  hout! 

THE  PLUMBER 

Who're  you  talking  to?  You  six-dollar-a-week 
flunky!  You're  not  a  man.  You're  a'  ornament, — 
you  and  the  rubber  plant! 

THOMAS 

[To  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
What're  you  doin'  here? 

THE  PLUMBER 

He's  amusin'  the  kid.  And  that's  more'n  you're 
doin'. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Imploringly.'} 
Stop!    Don't!    Let's  go. 

[He  edges  farther  toward  the  vestibule.} 

JANE 

[Intercepting  him.} 
No,  you  don't! 

64 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[Pointing  toward  the  dining-room.] 
Out  the  back  way. 

[The  ORGAN-GRINDER  obeys  her.] 

GWENDOLYN 

[Catching  up  her  hand-bag  and  running 
to  him.] 
"Oh,  good-bye,  Mr.  Organ-Grinder! 

[She  puts   a  dollar  bill  into   his   coat 
pocket.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

You'll  hear  me  again — after  while. 
[He  goes  out.] 

THE  PLUMBER 

[To  THOMAS.] 
Old  big  ears!    Puh! 

[To  GWENDOLYN.] 
Well,  so  long,  kid! 

GWENDOLYN 
Good-bye,  Mr.  Piper,  and  thank  you! 

THE  PLUMBER 

Don't  mention  it.    Don't  mention  it. 

[Turning  at  the  door  of  the  dining-room.'} 
All  in  the  day's  work! 

[He  goes  out.] 

65 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
[Following  him.'] 
Oh,  you'll  come  again  some  time,  won't  you? 

THE  PLUMBER 

[Calling  from  the  butler's  pantry. ~\ 
I  got  a  swell  chance  of  gittin'  into  this  joint  again. 

[JANE  angrily  pursues  GWENDOLYN 
through  the  swinging  door.  THOMAS 
shakes  his  head,,  puts  the  Teddy  bear  on 
a  chair,  and  turns  on  the  lights.  The 
SECOND  FOOTMAN  appears  from  the 
vestibule,  and  stands  aside  for  the  DOC 
TOR  to  enter.  The  latter  is  about  fifty, 
and  wears  a  closely  cut  Fan  Dyke  beard.] 

THE  DOCTOR 

[To  the  SECOND  FOOTMAN.] 
Say  that  the  Doctor's  here. 

[The  SECOND  FOOTMAN  bows,  and  goes 
upstairs.  THOMAS  closes  the  curtains  at 
the  window.  The  DOCTOR  goes  to  the 
fireplace,  and  looks  up  at  the  coat-of- 
arms.  JANE  enters  from  the  dining- 
room,  pulling  GWENDOLYN  after  her  by 
one  hand] 

JANE 

You're  goin'  to  catch  it,  you  bad,  bad  young  one! 
[THOMAS  attempts  to  warn  her.] 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Turning.'} 
Oh! 

JANE 

[Shaking  Gwendolyn.] 

Into  somethin'  every  hour — if  I  ain't  dancin'  at 
tendance  ! 

GWENDOLYN 
But,  Jane!    You  haven't  been  dancing! 

JANE 

Now,  I  don't  want  any  more  of  it!  And  if  you  act 
up  again,  I'll  know  you're  sick  or  somethin',  and  I'll 
call  a  doctor! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Frightened.] 

Oh,  no,  Jane!  Please  don't  call  a  doctor!  I'll  be 
good !  I'll  be  good ! 

JANE 

Then  you  come  right  upstairs. 

[Starts  toward  the  staircase.] 

THE  DOCTOE 
[Stopping  her.] 
Just  a  moment. 

JANE 
Miss  Gwendolyn's  got  to  have  her  hair  fixed,  sir. 

67 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
That  can  wait.     I'll  ring  for  you. 

JANE 
But,  sir, — 

THOMAS 

[Touching  her  elbow  and  whispering.] 
Pst!    Doctor! 

JANE 
Oh! 

[Retreats  precipitately,  into  the  dining- 
room,  THOMAS  following.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Smiling  down.] 
Well,  Miss  Gwendolyn,  I  see  you  don't  remember  me. 

GWENDOLYN 
[Politely.] 
I — I'm  sorry.     But  I  guess  I — I  don't. 

THE  DOCTOR 

I  was  introduced  to  you  the  night  the  stork  brought 
you. 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh!    Well,  you  see,  I  was  so  little. 

THE  DOCTOR 

That  explains  it,  of  course.     I  gather  from  your  con 
versation  that  you  don't  like — hem! — doctors. 

68 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
I  hate  them! 

THE  DOCTOE 
[Taken  aback.] 
Why,  /  don't  think  doctors  are  so  bad. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  yes,  they  are! 

[Darkly.] 

They  give  little  girls  nasty  medicine.  And  they're 
just  waiting  around  to  cut  out  my  appendix,  and 
charge  my  father  a  thousand  dollars! 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Laughing.] 

Well,  I've  heard  that  wise  doctors  give  only  bread- 
pills. 

GWENDOLYN 
Bread-pills  ? 

[He  nods] 
Did — did  you  ever  eat  one? 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Heartily.] 

Yes,  indeed!  Why,  I'm  a  sort  of  a  bread-pill  spe 
cialist. 

GWENDOLYN 
What's  a  special-ist? 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
A  specialist?    A  specialist  is  a  man  who — = 

[Thinks  a  moment.] 
— who  rides  a  hobby. 

GWENDOLYN 
[Pleased.] 
A  hobby! 

THE  DOCTOR 

Now,  let's  forget  all  about  doctors.     Eh?     I  want  to 
enjoy  this  little  visit.     It's  some  years  since  we  met. 

[He  holds  out  his  hand.] 
Won't  you  shake  hands? 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  yes  I 

[Puts  a  hand  in  his,  and  curtseys.] 

THE  DOCTOR 

[Covertly  feeling  her  pulse  with  his  left 
hand.] 
I'm  an  old  friend  of  your  father's  and  mother's. 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  I  like  friends.     Most  of  mine,  though,  are  only 
pretend. 

THE  DOCTOR 
Pretend?    Then  you  don't  go  out  much? 

GWENDOLYN 
Mostly  in  the  motor. 

70 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 

Ah,  the  motor !  Well,  I  see  that  I'll  have  to  get  you 
out. 

[Crosses  to  the  couch,  and  sits.'} 
You  and  I  will  have  to  ride  some  of  those  hobbies  of 
mine  together. 

GWENDOLYN 

[Coming  to  stand  beside  him."] 
Oh,  you  have  more  than  one ! 

THE  DOCTOR 

Yes,  indeed!  Several!  There's  fresh  air,  exercise, 
plain  food,  good  earth,  and  warm  sun. 

[He  turns  her  gently.'] 
Now,  I  want  you  to  say  mo-tor,  and  breathe  deep. 

[He  lays  an  ear  against  her  chest.~\ 

GWENDOLYN 
Mo-tor!    Is  that  the  way  you  pronounce  it? 

THE  DOCTOR 
Very  nearly. 

GWENDOLYN 

[Leaning  against  his  knee.~\ 

I  think  Pretend  friends  are  awfully  nice.  I  go  pad 
dling  in  the  water  with  them,  and  we  make  mud-pies, 
and  they  come  into  my  nursery  whenever  I  want 
them. 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Nodding. ] 

Ah!  And  when  you  don't  want  them,  raus  mit  'em! 
Eh? 

71 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[He  makes  a  gesture  of  ejecting  some 
one."] 
I  call  that  a  fine  arrangement ! 

GWENDOLYN 

I  have  so  many  of  them.  First  of  all,  there's  father, 
and  mother — 

THE  DOCTOE 
Father  and  mother!    Pretend  friends? 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  father  and  mother  are  the  Dearest  Pretend! 
At  night,  when  I'm  in  bed,  I  pretend  that  father  sits 
on  one  side,  and  mother  on  the  other.  And  father 
holds  this  hand — 

[She  puts  out  Tier  left.] 

— and  says,  "Good  night,  little  daughter."  And 
mother  kisses  me — 

[She  puts  out  her  right  hand] 

— and  sings —  Would  you  like  to  hear  what  she 
sings  ? 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes,  indeed! 

GWENDOLYN 

[Taking  a  position  in  front  of  him  in 

imitation  of  her  mother] 
I'll  sing  the  nice  part. 

THE  DOCTOR 
That's  right! 

72 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

[Singing.] 

"Rest!    Rest!     On  mother's  breast, 
Father  will  come  to  you  soo-oon." 

[The  DOCTOR  looks  down,  to  hide  the 

tears  in  his  eyes.    She  bends  to  peer  into 

his  face.] 
Don't  you  like  it? 

THE  DOCTOR 
tYes,  indeed! 

[He  rises,  patting  her  head] 

You  sing  as  if  you  had  a  very  remarkable  throat. 
Would  you  mind  if  I  took  a  look  at  it? 

GWENDOLYN 

How  funny !    Of  course  not. 

[She  opens  her  mouth] 

i 
THE  DOCTOR 

I  think  I  could  see  better  if  you'd  put  out  your 
tongue. 

[She  puts  out  her  tongue] 

That's  right—    'Way  out! 

[He  looks  at  her  tongue] 

Ah!    Just  as  I  thought!    Regular  bird's  throat! 

[His  face  shows  concern.  She  smiles  up 
at  him  delightedly  as  he  goes  to  touch  a 
bell.  JANE  enters  instantly,  showing 
that  she  has  been  listening] 

73 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Significantly  J] 
You're  very  prompt! 

JANE 

[Embarrassed.'} 
Ye-es,  sir. 

[She  goes  to  GWENDOLYN,  takes  her  by 
the  hand,  and  leads  her  toward  the  stairs.] 

GWENDOLYN 

[Calling   back   to   the   DOCTOR   over  a 
shoulder.] 
I'll  see  you  again  this  evening. 

THE  DOCTOR 

[Following  her.] 
Will  you?    Fine !    And  after  this  I'm  to  be  a  friend ? 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  yes!    A  really,  truly  one! 
[She  ascends.] 

THE  DOCTOR 

And  a  pretend  one,  too? 

[GWENDOLYN  nods  vigorously,  and  dis 
appears  with  JANE  through  the  curtains 
of  the  landing.  The  DOCTOR  goes  to  the 
fireplace,  takes  out  a  note-book,  and  jots 
something  in  it.  As  the  light  of  the  ele 
vator  comes  down,  he  steps  forward. 

74 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

The  elevator  door  opens,  and  FATHER 
comes  out,  dressed  for  dinner.] 

FATHER 
Doctor ! 

[They  clasp  hands.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
Well!    Well!    Well! 

[He  slaps  FATHER  on  the  back.] 

FATHER 

This  is  a  compliment, — to  get  hold  of  sucH  a  busy 
man! 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Laughing.] 
And  I'm  early. 

FATHER 

Goodl    We  can  have  a  minute  together  before  the 
others  come. 

THE  DOCTOR 
Something  on  to-night? 

FATHER 
My  wife's  having  a  few  friends  in. 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Regretfully. ~] 
Oh,  I'd  hoped  to  have  the  evening  alone  with  you. 

75 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 
[Shakes  head.] 
Alone!    Oh,  my  dear  doctor! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Doing  the  society  thing,  eh? 

FATHER 
You  know  how  it  is  in  the  big  town. 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes.    Beautiful  home  you  have  here. 

FATHER 
It'll  do  for  a  while.     This  is  the  music-room. 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Pointing  to  the  vestibule."] 

That  entrance  takes  my  eye.  What  a  magnificent 
sun-room  it  would  make!  And  you  can't  get  too 
much  of  that  sort  of  thing. 

FATHER 

I'm  glad  you  like  it. 

[They  go  into  the  music-room.  JANE  ap 
pears  on  the  landing  with  GWENDOLYN. 
They  come  down.] 

JANE 

Now,  Gwendolyn!     Sit  here. 

[She  leads  her  to  a  chair  by  the  hearth, 
and  GWENDOLYN  sits."] 

76 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

And  don't  you  go  tearin'   around  and  gittin'   all 
mussed. 

[Kneels  to  arrange  GWENDOLYN'S  dress.'} 
Jane's  got  to  git  some  supper. 

THOMAS 

[Coming  from  the  dining-room.] 
Jane! 

JANE 

[Going  to  Mm,  and  speaking  low.] 
Did  you  git  that  from  the  drug  store? 

THOMAS 

[Taking  out  a  bottle] 
Yes. 

JANE 

Good! 

[She  takes  the  bottle,  and  as  she  turns 
back  to  GWENDOLYN,  slips  it  into  a  pocket 
of  her  skirt] 

THOMAS 
[Following  her] 

It  ain't  the  kind  I  got  before.     He  said  only  half  a 
teaspoonful  of  this  kind. 

JANE 

[Not  hearing] 
Ah-ha! 

THOMAS 
Sh!    Potter! 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[POTTER  enters  the  dining-room  through 
the  swinging  door.  THOMAS  joins  him.] 

JANE 

Now,  Gwendolyn,  when  the  ladies  and  gents  come, 
I  want  you  to  put  your  best  foot  forward. 

GWENDOLYN 

[Holding  out  first  one  slippered  foot, 
then  the  other.'} 
But,  Jane,  which  is  my  best  foot? 

JANE 

[Rising,  exasperated.] 

"Which  is  my  best  foot?"  and  "Who  are  They?"  and 
"Where  do  They  git  soda-water?"  and  "Where  is 
Robin  Hood's  Barn?" 

[Crossing  toward  the  dining-room.] 
Land  sakes  alive!     That  young  un's  questions  would 
drive  a  saint  crazy ! 

[She  goes  out.  GWENDOLYN  looks  at  her 
feet  critically,  then  gets  down  from  the 
chair.  Through  the  window  comes  the 
long  whistle  of  a  river-boat.  She  lifts 
her  head,  goes  to  part  the  curtains  of  the 
window,  looks  out,  then  kneels  on  the  win 
dow-seat.  The  curtains  meet  at  her  back, 
screening  her.  The  SECOND  FOOTMAN 
appears  at  the  door  leading  to  the  vesti 
bule,  and  stands  aside  to  let  the  FIRST  and 
SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMEN  and  the  FIRST 

78 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

SOCIETY  MAN  pass,  after  which  he  as 
cends  the  staircase.  The  three  guests 
come  down.  They  are  in  evening  dress. 
They  look  about  them.'] 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
Rather  nice,  don't  you  think? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
[Begrudgingly.'] 
Um! — Yes.     He  had  the  money. 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

And  decorators  do  wonderful  things  these  days. — 
But  do  look  at  that! 

[Points  to  the  suit  of  armor, ,] 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

[Examining  the  armor  through  her  lor 
gnette. ,] 
Oh,  dear,  dear! 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
[Laughing.] 
A  rank  fake,  I'll  bet! 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
Atrocious  taste! 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
[To  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN.] 
I  see  you  haven't  met  our  hostess  before, 

79 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[To  the  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN.] 
She  was  just  an  ordinary  country  girl,  pretty  but 
horribly  poor,  with  a  fair  education,  and  absolutely 
no  culture.     She  met  him;  he  was  rich,  and  fell  in 
love  with  her ;  she  married  him.     And  since  then — 
[He  chuckles.     The  curtains  of  the  win 
dow  shake.'] 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

[Eagerly.'] 
What? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 

How  he's  been  making  ducks  and  drakes  out  of  his 
money! 

[The  curtains  shake  more  violently.] 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

You  know  what's  the  matter  with  her? 

[The  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN  nods.] 
She's  got  the  society  bee  in  her  bonnet. 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

The  society  bee, — yes ! 

[GWENDOLYN  looks  out  from  between  the 
curtains. ~\ 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 

She   talks   nothing   else.     She   hears   nothing   else. 
She  sees  nothing  else.     Goes  wherever  she  can  shove 

80 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

in — benefit  musicals,  hospital  teas,  Christmas  bazaars, 
and  Heaven  knows  what ! 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
Bad  as  that?    Nouveaucc  riches! 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 

Well,  it's  kept  the  poor  fellow  in  harness  all  the  time. 
You  should  have  seen  him  when  he  first  came  to  town. 
And  now  the  change!  He's  burning  his  candles  at 
both  ends. 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
Oh,  dear! 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
You  haven't  heard  the  latest  about  him? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
No.    What? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
He's  on  the  edge  of  a  crash. 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
Who  told  you? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
Oh,  a  little  bird. 

[GWENDOLYN  covers  her  mouth  with  one 
hand  to  stifle  a  cry,  and  shrinks  back  out 
of  sight.] 

81 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

[Boastingly.] 

Well,  her  money's  never  been  a  wedge  with  me. 
[She  crosses  to  the  couch  and  sits.] 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
[To  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN.] 

The  wedge,  as  you  call  it,  is  pretty  welcome,  isn't  it, 
when  one  is  Chairman  of  a  subscription  committee? 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

Well,  if  she  should  offer  me  a  check  for  the  hospital, 

I  sha'n't  be  insane  enough  to  refuse  it. 

[GWENDOLYN  sneezes.    The  SECOND  SO 
CIETY  WOMAN  rises,  and  joins  the  others.] 

Qu'est-ce  que  c'est  que  £a? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
[Nervously.] 

Est-ce  que  vous  avez  vu  quelpu'un  dans  la  chambre? 
[All  turn  to  stare  toward  the  vestibule.] 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

[Turning  about,  and  speaking  loudly,  as 

if  continuing  a  conversation.] 
Yes,  and  we  also  found  the  Riviera  very  pleasant. 

[Breaking  off.    To  the  FIRST  SOCIETY 

MAN.] 

Es  ist  jemand  geniesst;  ich  habe  es  ganz  deutlich 
gehort. 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
Haben  Sie  jemand  beobachtet? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
Nein. 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
Do  you  suppose  any  one  was  listening? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
Je  ne  vois  personne. 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

Das  lauschen  erwartet  man  nur  von  so  ganz  ordi- 
naren  Menschen. 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
[Calling  into  the  music-room.} 
Hello,  old  man ! 

FATHER 

[From  the  music-room.'} 
How  are  you? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
{Whispering.} 
Did  he— ? 

[The  elevator  light  descends.'} 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
No.     Shi     The  elevator. 

[As  he  goes  into  the  music-room,  the  ele 
vator  door  opens  and  MOTHER  comes 
out.} 

83 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 


MOTHER 

[Crossing      to      the      FIRST      SOCIETY 
WOMAN.] 
How  do  you  do!     I'm  so  glad  you  could  come. 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
Charmed  to  be  here. 

[They  shake  hands.'] 
This  is  my  sister. 

[She    indicates    the     SECOND     SOCIETY 

WOMAN.] 

MOTHER 

[To  the  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN.] 
How  do  you  do! 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
I  feel  as  if  I  knew  you  already. 
[They  shake  hands.'} 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
We've  been  enjoying  this  beautiful  room. 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

It's  a  great  pleasure  to  be  here.     So  sweet  of  you  tc 
want  me. 

MOTHER 

So  sweet  of  you  to  come! 

[As  FATHER,  the  DOCTOR  and  the  FIRSI 
SOCIETY  MAN  enter  from  the  music-room, 
the  SECOND  FOOTMAN  ushers  in  the 

84 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THIRD  SOCIETY  WOMAN  and  the  SECOND 
SOCIETY  MAN.] 

FATHER 

[To  the  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN.] 
How  do  you  do!     I  had  a  glimpse  of  you  on  the 
Avenue. 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

Indeed!     I  didn't  suppose  you  ever  left  your  desk 
for  a  minute.     This  is  my  sister. 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
Charmed. 

MOTHER 

[To  the  THIRD  SOCIETY  WOMAN.] 
So  glad  to  see  you ! 

THE  THIRD  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
We've  just  got  back  to  town! 

MOTHER 
Doctor,  it's  so  good  to  have  you  here. 

THE  DOCTOR 
I  feel  like  a  boy  out  for  a  holiday. 

MOTHER 
Excuse  me. 

[To  the  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN.] 
Well,  globe-trotting  seems  to  agree  with  you. 

85 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
You're  looking  mighty  fit  yourself. 

[POTTER  enters  from  the  dining-room.] 

MOTHER 

Very  well,  Potter. 

[Calling  to  FATHER.] 

Dearl    Dear! 

[She  goes  to  him.  POTTER  draws  aside 
the  curtains  of  the  dining-room  door  and 
signals  to  THOMAS,  who  enters  with  a  cake 
on  which  is  a  circle  of  lighted  tapers. 
THOMAS  sets  the  cake  on  the  table. 
JANE  enters,  and  waits,  standing  beside 
THOMAS.  POTTER  goes.~\ 

THE  GUESTS 

Ah!    How  pretty!    Birthday,  eh?    Isn't  that  beau 
tiful? 

MOTHER 
Gwendolyn! — Jane,  where  is  she? 

JANE 

[Suddenly  realising  that  GWENDOLYN  is 
not  present. ,] 
Why, — why,  I  left  Miss  Gwendolyn  here,  Madam. 

[GWENDOLYN  appears  from  between  the 
curtains  and  comes  down,  looking  from 
FATHER  to  MOTHER  in  concern.  FIRST 
and  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMEN  and  FIRST 

86 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIEL 

SOCIETY  MAN  stare  at  one  another  in  con 
sternation.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  mother! 

MOTHER 

[Gently  reproving.'} 
Why,  dearest! 

[Stoops  to  kiss  GWENDOLYN,,  who  returns 
the  kiss;  then  curtseys.] 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
[To  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN.] 
Been  there  all  the  time! 

FATHER 

[Coming  forward.] 
Haven't  you  a  kiss  for  father? 

[GWENDOLYN  curtseys,  and  kisses  FA 
THER.] 

THE  GUESTS 
Cunning!    Fine  child!    Adorable! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Earnestly.] 
Father,  could  I  ask  you  something? 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

[Interrupting  quickly.] 

So  this  is  your  little  daughter? — How  do  you  do, 
darling?    I  congratulate  you. 

87 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[GWENDOLYN  only  curtseys,  looking  into 
her  face  anxiously,  and  goes  to  the  FIRST 
SOCIETY  WOMAN,  to  curtsey  again.] 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
I  congratulate  you! 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
Well,  little  girl,  I  congratulate  you. 
[Shakes  hands.] 

GWENDOLYN 

[Curtseys,  looking  up  at  him  earnestly.] 
Please  tell  me,  how  do  candles  burn  at  both  ends? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
Why,  they — they — 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

[Quickly.] 

Oh,  darling,  the  candles  are  over  there  on  your  birth 
day  cake. 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

[Blandly.] 
And  you  just  blow  them  out. 

MOTHER 
Yes,  dear.     Come! 

[GWENDOLYN  crosses  to  the  cake,  looking 
back  as  she  goes,  at  the  guests.  With 
elaborate  attention,  JANE  holds  her  curls 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

back  as  GWENDOLYN  blows  out  the  can- 
dies.  The  guests  applaud.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[To  MOTHER.] 
Where  do  the  lights  go  when  I  blow  them  out? 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
Isn't  she  clever! 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 
What  gave  her  the  idea? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
She's  got  a  head  on  her  shoulders ! 

MOTHER 

Thomas,  the  cake  is  to  be  taken  upstairs. 
[THOMAS  bows.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  mother,  may  I  sit  at  the  grown-up  table  to-night? 

MOTHER 

Oh,  no,  dear.     But  I'm  having  Potter  send  you  up  a 
nice  little  bird. 

GWENDOLYN 

A — a  bird?     The  kind  that  tells  things  to  people? 

[There  is  general  laughter.  But  the 
FIRST  and  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMEN  ex 
change  uneasy  glances] 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

[To  MOTHER.] 
Oh,  clever!     Does  she — er — speak  French? 

MOTHER 
Oh,  yes, — French  and  German. 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

How  chic! 

[Glances  again  at  the  FIRST  SOCIETY 
WOMAN.] 

POTTER 
[Entering. 1 

Dinner  is  served,  madam. 

MOTHER 
Ah! — Jane. 

[JANE  comes  to  GWENDOLYN  with  a  great 
show  of  affection.] 

GWENDOLYN 
But,  mother,  I  wanted  to  ask  you  more. 

[THOMAS  takes  up  the  cake  and  goes  to 
wait  at  the  elevator.] 

MOTHER 

To-morrow,  dear. 

[She  kisses  GWENDOLYN,  and  leads  the 
way  to  the  dining-room  with  the  FIRST 
SOCIETY  MAN.] 

90 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Father! 

[FATHER  pats  Tier  head  and  turns  to  offer 
his  arm  to  the  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN.] 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
[To  MOTHER.] 
I  hear  you're  on  the  reception  committee. 

MOTHER 
Why,  yes.     Who  told  you? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  MAN 
The  chairman. 

[They  go  into  the  dining-room.'} 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

[To  FATHER.] 
You  must  be  very  proud  of  your  little  daughter. 

FATHER 
Indeed,  we  all  are. 

[They  follow  the  other  two.} 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  MAN 

Have  you  heard  of  that  sixty-story  building  we're 
putting  up  down  town? 

THE  FIRST  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

Is  that  the  same  one  you  were  telling  me  about  the 
other  day? 

[They  go.} 

91 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 

[To  THIRD  SOCIETY  WOMAN.] 
Excuse  me. 

[He  turns  at  the  dining-room  door  to 
take  GWENDOLYN'S  hand.] 
Good  night. 

GWENDOLYN 
[Wistfully] 
Good  night, — friend. 

[She  stands,  watching  into  the  dining- 
room,  from  where  come  laughter  and 
gay  talk] 

JANE 

[To  GWENDOLYN;  changing  to  a  harsh 
manner] 
Well? 

[The  faint  cry  of  a  newspaper  vendor  is 
heard  from  the  street:  Cf Extra!  Extra! 
All  about  the  lubble-lubble  in  Aw  street! 
Extra  Extra!"] 

JANE 

[Jerking  at  GWENDOLYN'S  arm] 
Come,  now! 

As  GWENDOLYN  turns  toward  the  ele 
vator,  the  SECOND  FOOTMAN  appears 
from  the  vestibule,  showing  in  the 
BROKER,  who  is  a  middle-aged  man  in  a 
business  suit.  His  hair  is  dishevelled. 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

He  looks  worried,  and  comes  down  rap 
idly.-] 

THE  BROKER 

Dinner  or  no  dinner,  I  must  see  him.  It  is  very  im 
portant. 

[The    cries    outside    continue,    growing 

louder.] 

THE  SECOND  FOOTMAN 
But  the  master's  at  table,  now,  sir. 

THE  BROKER 

I  can't  help  that.  I'm  his  broker.  Do  you  under 
stand?  His  broker!  I  must  see  him! 

[The  SECOND  FOOTMAN  goes  into  the 
dining-room.  JANE  draws  GWENDOLYN 
into  the  elevator,  THOMAS  closes  the  door, 
and  the  light  ascends.  The  BROKER 
paces  to  and  fro.} 

FATHER 

[Entering  quickly.'] 
Well,  did  you  find  out? 

THE  BROKER 

Yes,  things  couldn't  be  worse.  The  bears  have 
kicked  the  bottom  out  of  the  market.  To-morrow 
morning  they'll  have  everything  their  own  way. 
Here,  take  a  look  at  this  last  extra. 

[Again  the  cries  come  from  the  street,  but 
more  faintly.] 

93 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 
How  much  must  I  have  ? 

THE  BROKER 

One  hundred  and  seventy-five  thousand  cash,  and 
your  banks  still  carry  you. 

FATHER 
Isn't  there  any  other  way? 

THE  BROKER 

Two  hundred  thousand  would  be  safer.     Have  you 
got  it? 

FATHER 
No! 

[The  cries  of  "Extra!  Extra!3'  die  away.] 

THE  BROKER 

Well,  you'll  have  to  get  it.     Here  are  duplicate  mem 
oranda,  if  you  want  to  look  them  over. 

[He  hands  FATHER  a  sheaf  of  folded 

papers.] 

FATHER 
All  right.     All  right. 

[The  BROKER  starts  to  go.] 
I  can  get  you  at  home  on  the  'phone? 

THE  BROKER 
Any  hour  to-night. 

94 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 
Come  by  in  the  morning  and  pick  me  up. 

THE  BROKER 
At  eight  o'clock. 

[He  goes.] 

FATHER 
One  hundred  and  seventy-five  thousand! 

[As  he  starts  toward  the  dining-room,  he 
is  met  by  laughter  and  talk.  He  falters, 
turns  back  slowly,  and  sits  dejectedly  on 
the  couch,  covering  his  face  with  both 
hands.  GWENDOLYN  comes  stealing 
down  the  stairs  to  him.~\ 

GWENDOLYN 
ISoftly.] 

Father! 

[He  does  not  look  up.] 
Father! 

[She  comes  to   him.    He  uncovers   his 

face  and  looks  at  her  blankly.] 
I  was  afraid!     I  don't  know  why,  but — 

[From  the  distance,  the  cries  of  "Extra! 

Extra!"  sound  again.] 

FATHER 
Why,  hello,  daughter! 

[She  drops  a  curtsey.] 
Dear  little  girl! 

95 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  father,  I  ran  away!  Oh,  I  don't  care  about  my 
self  any  more — about  growing  up,  or  anything.  I'm 
scared  about  you !  Just  now  they  said — 

[She  points  toward  the  dining-room.] 
— oh,   such   awful   things   about   you   and   mother. 
And,  father,  are  there  bears  in  your  street? 

FATHER 
Bears?    Ah,  yes.     The  bears! 

[He  laughs  bitterly.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[Catching  his  hands.] 
Have  they  ever  frightened  you? 

FATHER 
Yes,  dear,  once  or  twice. 

GWENDOLYN 
Will  they  hurt  you? 

FATHER 

[Rising  defiantly.] 

Oh,  I'm  not  through  fighting  them  yet!  I'm  not 
through  yet ! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Throwing  her  arms  about  him.] 

Father! 

FATHER 

[Unclasping  her  arms  and  searching  her 

face.] 
Gwendolyn,  who  told  you  about  any  bears? 

96 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Jane. 

FATHER 

Jane?  That  was  wrong.  Jane  doesn't  understand. 
And  my  little  girl  shouldn't  be  worried  about  father's 
troubles. 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  father!    I  want  to  help!    Please  let  me  help! 

JANE 

[Appearing  from  the  landing.] 
Gwendolyn !     Gwendolyn ! 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh! 

[She  tries  to  warn  her  father  into  silence.] 

FATHER 
Here,  Jane. 

JANE 

[Breathing  hard.] 

Oh,  thank  you,  sir.  It  give  me  such  a  turn,  her 
stealing'  off  like  that!  And  she  hasn't  had  a  bite  of 
supper  yet. 

GWENDOLYN 
Father!    Please,  I  don't  want  to  go! 

FATHER 

[Tenderly  reproving.] 
Why!    Why!    Why! 

97 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  I  want  to  tell  you  what  they  said — 

JANE 

She  always  acts  this  way  at  bed-time,  sir. 

FATHER 
[Lifting  GWENDOLYN'S  chin  gently.] 

Father  thinks  she'd  better  go.     And  she's  not  to 

worry  her  blessed  little  head  any  more. 

[He  kisses  her,  and  goes  into  the  dining- 
room.  JANE  takes  a  bottle  from  her 
pocket] 

GWENDOLYN 

[Watching  after  FATHER.] 
I  don't  want  any  supper. 

JANE 

All  right.     But  you'll  take  a  teaspoonful  of  this. 

[She  uncorks  the  bottle,  and  holds  out 
bottle  and  teaspoon.'} 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  Jane,  I  don't  want  to  take  medicine  I 

JANE 

You  take  it  now!    It's  good  for  you. 

GWENDOLYN 
No!    No! 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

JANE 

Yes,  yes, — and  go  right  to  sleep. 

[As  GWENDOLYN  takes  the  bottle  and 
spoon,  a  hand-organ  strikes  up  a  tune 
from  the  street.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[Happily] 

Oh,  the  organ-grinder!     The  organ-grinder! 
[She  starts  toward  the  window] 

JANE 

[Stopping  her] 

No.     First  you  take  that  teaspoonful.     I'll  attend 
to  him. 

[She  stalks  to  the  window-seat.] 

GWENDOLYN 
The  organ-grinder! 

[She  pours  the  medicine  hastily;  the 
spoon  runs  over;  she  drinks] 

JANE 

[Calling  out] 
Here!    You  git! 

[The  hand-organ  stops] 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  Jane!    Please  don't — 

JANE 

[Turning  about] 
Are  you  going  to  take  that  teaspoonful? 

99 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
I  did. 

JANE 

[Coming  to  GWENDOLYN.] 
You  did  not !     You  throwed  it  away ! 
[She  points  to  the  rug.} 

GWENDOLYN 
A  little  spilled. 

JANE 

You  throwed  it  away.     I  seen  you. 

GWENDOLYN 
No,  Jane! 

JANE 
[Firmly.'} 
Come,  now,  you  take  a  teaspoonful  of  this. 

[She  seizes  the  bottle  and  pours  out  a  tea- 
spoonful.} 

GWENDOLYN 
[Holding  back.} 
But— but— 

[From  outside  comes  the  blast  of  a  po 
liceman  s  whistle.} 

JANE 

[Darkly.} 

Ah!    Here's  the  policeman! 

100 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 


GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  no-o-o,  Jane!    No!    Don't  let  him  get  me. 

[She  drinks.] 
Jane!    Don't  let  him  get  me!    Jane! 

JANE 

Well,  then!    No,  dearie,  stay  here,  and  I'll  tell  him 

to  go  right  away. 

[She  goes  out  by  the  vestibule.  GWEN 
DOLYN  stands  a  moment,  looking  from 
side  to  side  uncertainly.  She  puts  a  hand 
to  her  forehead,  and  as  the  drug  takes  ef 
fect,  there  is  a  faint  roll  of  thunder.] 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  there's  a  storm  coming  up!    Oo-oo-oo!     How 
funny!    Why — why — how  funny! 

[As  she  crosses  unsteadily  toward  the 

staircase,  the  hall  darkens] 
It's  getting  dark!    Mother!    Father!    Help  me! 

[She  staggers  back  to  the  couch] 
I  can't  see ! 

[Blackness  shuts  out  the  hall.  The 
thunder  deepens,  and  the  wind  howls, 
drowning  GWENDOLYN'S  voice.  Then 
music  is  heard,  as  the  storm  lessens  in 
fury.  And  a  faint  light  grows.  The 
hall  has  melted  away  to  a  deep  glade  in 
a  forest.  The  fireplace  is  a  rocky  cave; 
the  staircase,  a  cascade;  the  couch,  a 

mossy  stone;  the  elevator,  a  large,  gnarled 
101 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIEL 

tree;  while  the  long  velvet  curtains  are 
slender  trees,  through  which  the  river  is 
seen,  shining  under  a  great  moon. 
GWENDOLYN,  too,  has  changed.  Her 
embroidered  frock  has  disappeared.  She 
is  barefooted,  and  wears  a  little  gingham 
dress.  ] 

GWENDOLYN 
Why, — why, — where  am  I? 

[Looking  up  joyously.] 
Here's  a  tree!     A  tree!     And,  oh, — 

[She  stoops  to  fill  her  hand  with  leaves] 
— leaves,  and  grass ! 

[She  tosses  the  leaves.] 
And  the  sky!     And  the  stars! 

[The  music  swells] 
And  a  stream!     Oh,  goody!     A  stream! 

[She  springs  to  dip  her  hands  into  the 

water] 

And  mud!     Why,  here's  nice,  squashy  mud!     A-a- 
ah! 

[She  turns,  flinging  up  her  arms  joy 
ously] 

Hurrah!    Hurrah!     I'm   outdoors!     I'm   outdoors! 
I'm  outdoors! 

[She  runs,  leaping  through  the  glade, 

swishing  her  hair  in  joyous  abandon] 
Hurrah!     Hurrah!     Hurrah! 

[CURTAIN] 

102 


ACT  II 
SCENE  1:    THE  TELL-TALE  FOEEST 

The  curtain  rises  on  the  open  forest  glade.  Now  it 
is  seen  that  the  great  gnarled  tree  is  the  Face  Shop. 
There  are  noses  on  display;  eyes,  too;  also  foreheads, 
cheeks,  and  chins.  The  rocky  cave  is  the  Bear's 
Den.  And  the  cascade  is  a  stream  of  Soda  Water, 
which  ends  in  a  pool.  Winding  up  beside  the  stream, 
goes  a  steep  path. 

GWENDOLYN  is  dancing,  but  somewhat  wearily,  to 
fairy-like  music  which  the  ORGAN-GRINDER  plays  on 
his  hand-organ.  The  light  in  the  glade  is  dim,  and 
weirdly  blue. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Calling  about  him  like  a  huckster.] 
Ears  to  sharpen!     Eyes  to  sharpen!     Edges  taken 
off  of  tongues! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Breathlessly.] 
Oh,  I've  danced  so  much,  I'm  tired. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Calling.-] 

Ears  to  sharpen!  Eyes  to  sharpen!  Edges  taken 
off  of  tongues! 

103 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
[Half  laughing. ] 
I'm  afraid  I'm  going  to  topple  over. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Chanting  monotonously.] 
Relax — recline — repose. 

GWENDOLYN 
Why,  you  talk  just  like  my  dictionary! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Ears  to  sharpen!     Eyes    to  sharpen!     I  take  the 
edges  off  of  tongues! 

GWENDOLYN 

[Sitting  on  the  mossy  rock] 

I  hear  you,  but  I  can't  see  you.     I  guess  I  need  my 
eyes  sharpened. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Quite    so!     Quite    so!     You    haven't    been    seeing 
things  in  their  right  light. 

[He  crosses  to  Tier,  leans  the  hand-organ 

against  the  rock,  and  takes  a  lorgnette 

from  a  pocket.] 
Now,  don't  move.     Jus-s-st  a  minute.     There! 

[As  he  applies  the  lorgnette  to  her  eyes, 

instantly  the  light  grows.] 
Now,  you'll  have  no  trouble  in  seeing! 

104 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

[Rising,  and  looking  about  her.] 
Why — why — where  am  I? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Where  are  you?    Well,  you  ought  to  know. 

GWENDOLYN 

I — I  ought  to,  but  I  don't.  And — I  suppose  people 
don't  answer  questions  here,  either? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Oh,  yes. 

[Chanting.'] 
Necessary — obligatory — compulsory. 

GWENDOLYN 
How  nice! 

[Going  to  him.] 
Then,  why  don't  you  ? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Well,  if  I  must,  I  must.— This  is  the  Tell-Tale  For 
est. 

GWENDOLYN 

O-o-h!—  Why  is  it  called  the  Tell-Tale  Forest? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Why?  Because  it  is  a  wonderful  place.  No  matter 
what  a  person  pretends  to  be,  the  moment  he  enters 
these  woods,  he  changes. 

105 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Instantly,  without  knowing  it,  he  appears  as  he  really 
is.     Now,  take  yourself,  for  instance — 
[She  looks  down  at  herself.] 

You're  supposed  to  have  everything,  but  the  fact  of 
the  matter  is,  you  have  nothing  at  all. 

GWENDOLYN 
No? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

And  take  my  case.     In  town  I'm  the  Organ-Grinder, 
but  here  I'm  the  Man  Who  Makes  Faces. 

[ H e  jerks  a  thumb.] 

Wouldn't  you  like  to  have  a  look  at  my  establish 
ment? 

[They  go  to  the  Face  Shop.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh!    Moustaches  and  puffs  and  goatees! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

And  fine  chins  and  cheeks.     And,  see!    Here's  a 
Roman  nose. 

[He  shows  it  to  her.] 

GWENDOLYN 
And  eyes! 

[A  score  of  eyes  have  lighted  up  at  the 
back  of  the  shop,  to  wink  and  sparkle  at 
her.] 

106 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Wall  eyes.  Recently  I  made  a  lovely  blue  pair  for 
a  child  who'd  cried  her  eyes  out. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh!    And  this? 

[She  points  to  a  box.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

A  sauce  box,  full  of  mouths.  And,  see!  Did  you 
ever  hear  of  a  sweet  tooth? 

[He  takes  up  one] 

GWENDOLYN 
Why,  I've  got  one! 

[She  points  it  out  to  him.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

I  always  keep  a  supply  on  hand.  Carve  'em  myself 
— out  of  cube  sugar. — Now,  just  inspect  this  smooth 
tongue. 

[A  sign  lights  up.    It  reads:    ff Tongues 

in  all  languages"] 

GWENDOLYN 
Tongues  in  all  languages! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Welcome — convenient — satisfactory. 

107 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  that'll  save  me  a  lot  of  studying.  Please,  I'd 
like  to  buy  two:  a  French  tongue,  and  a  German 
tongue. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

So  you  would.  So  you  would. — But  can  you  pay 
for  'em? 

GWENDOLYN 
Pay? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
I  see  you  don't  realise  who  you  are. 

GWENDOLYN 

Well,  I've  been  acquainted  with  myself  quite  a  few 
years,  but — but — 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
I  thought  so. 

GWENDOLYN 

[Smiling. ] 

I  must  be  a  happy  little  girl,  anyhow.  Look  at  my 
dress ! 

[She  holds  out  the  gingham  pinafore.] 

TPIE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
H'm! 

[He  takes  her  hand.] 
Well,  I  see  you  don't  know. 

GWENDOLYN 
Tell  me! 

108 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Tenderly.'] 

You're  The  Poor  Little  Rich  Girl.— The  Poor  Little 
Rich  Girl! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Thoughtfully.] 
That's  so. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

But  things  will  improve.     You  can  be  so  happy  if 
you'll  follow  my  advice. 

GWENDOLYN 
What? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
You  must  find  your  father  and  mother. 

GWENDOLYN 
Father  ?    And  mother  ? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
And  you  must  get  rid  of  those  servants. 

GWENDOLYN 
But  how  can  I  ? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Leave  no  stone  unturned. 

GWENDOLYN 
There's  a  stone  right  here. 

109 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[She  points  to  a  small  stone  beside  the 
mossy  rock.} 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
All  right;  turn  it. 

[GWENDOLYN  stoops  and  turns  it.} 

JANE 

[From  behind  the  trees. ~\ 
One,  two,  three,  point!     One,  two,  three,  point! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Oh!     How  fortunate!     Here  comes  one  now.     But 
you'll  have  to  keep  out  of  her  clutches. 

[He  goes  to  her  protectingly.} 

GWENDOLYN 
[Whispering.'] 
Her? 

[They  both  turn  to  look,  and  fall  back  a 
step  as  JANE  dances  toward  them.} 

JANE 

One,  two,  three,  point!    One,  two,  three,  point! 
[She  stops.} 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
What  are  you  doing  here,  Jane? 

JANE 

What  should  I  be  doin'?    I'm  dancin'  attendance. 

no 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[She  dances  sideways  to  the  Face  Shop, 
where  she  examines  a  big  red  braid.} 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Darkly  to  GWENDOLYN.] 
Ha-a!    That's  it!    We  must  keep  her  dancing! 

JANE 

[Shaking  the  braid.} 
Say,  old  man,  what's  the  price  of  this  switch? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

I'll  quote  you  no  prices.  You  haven't  paid  me  yet 
for  your  extra  face. 

GWENDOLYN 
[Whispering.} 
Has  she  really  got  two? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Two.     Just  watch. — Waltz  around,  Jane. 

JANE 

[Waltzing,    and   disclosing    her   second 
face.} 
One,  two,  three !     One,  two,  three ! 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  the  Two-Faced  Thing!— I  like  the  Tell-Tale 
Forest.  Things  are  exactly  as  I've  always  seen 
them. 

[She  goes  to  the  mossy  rock  and  sits.} 
in 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

That's  right.    You  must  be  lying  down  when  she 
finds  you. 

[GWENDOLYN  reclines  sidewise,  and  shuts 

her  eyes.] 

JANE 

[Walking  over  to  the  Face  Shop.'] 
Now,  Gwendolyn.     It's  time  you  was  goin'  upstairs. 
Come! 

[She  presses  a  button,  and  the  light  of 

the   elevator   descends   across   the   Face 

Stop.] 

THE  ORGAN-GKINDER 
[Whispering  to  GWENDOLYN.] 
Don't  answer!    Mum!    Muffle!    Mute! 

JANE 

Ah-ha!    You're  asleep !    Here! 

[She  shakes  GWENDOLYN.] 

Wake  up!    Wake  up  now! 

[GWENDOLYN  does  not  open  her  eyes.] 

Gwendolyn!     Gwennie!     Stop  your  foolin'!     Now, 

don't  you  frighten  Jane ! 

[Thoroughly  frightened.] 

Gwennie!     Gwennie!    What's     the     matter?     Oo- 

ooohl 

[She  takes  out  the  bottle,  looks  at  it,  cov 
ers  her  front  face,  and  dances  away  to 
ward  the  trees.] 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

Oh,  what'll  I  do?    What'll  I  do?    Help!    Help! 
Police!    Police! 

GWENDOLYN 

[Springing  up,  frightened.] 

She's  going  after  the  Policeman!     Oh,  don't  let  him 
get  me !    Don't  let  him  get  me ! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

[Reassuringly;    putting    an   arm    about 

her.~\ 

Oh,  that's  all  right.     You  see,  I  gave  him  a  black  eye! 
And  he's  probably  coming  to  match  it. 

JANE 

[Calling  from  among  the  trees.'} 
Hurry  1    Hurry! 

[She  dances  in  and  strikes  an  attitude.'] 
Look  what  Thomas  is  mad  at! 

[The  POLICEMAN  enters,  walking  on  his 

hands.    He  halts,  standing  on  his  head. 

One  of  his  eyes  is  black.'] 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh!    Oh!    Isn't  it  too  bad? 

[To  the  POLICEMAN.] 
That  must  tire  you  awfully. 

THE  POLICEMAN 
I  don't  mind.     All  on  account  of  Jane. 

113 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
And  what  makes  it  easier,  he's  got  a  level  head. 

THE  POLICEMAN 
[Proudly.] 
So  I  have.     So  I  have. 

GWENDOLYN 

Heels  over  head — on  account  of  Jane?     Have  you 
taken  a  good  look  at  her? 

THE  POLICEMAN 
Why — why — 

[He  turns  his  head  to  look] 

GWENDOLYN 
She's  two-faced! 

THE  POLICEMAN 
So  she  is!    Well,  in  that  case — 

[He  turns  a  somersault,  landing  on  his 
feet.    He  wears  a  long,  shiny  club] 

GWENDOLYN 

And  she  told  me  that  you  grab  little  girls  and  boys 
and  carry  'em  off. 

THE  POLICEMAN 

Well,  I  do.     But  where?     Why,  I  takes  'em  to  their 
fathers  and  mothers. 

114 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

You  do?     Oh!     Then  I'm  not  afraid  of  you. 

[She  puts  out  a  hand  to  him.     The  OR 
GAN-GRINDER  picks  up  the  hand-organ.] 

JANE 

[To  the  POLICEMAN.] 
See  how  cold  her  hand  is ! 

THE  POLICEMAN 

Yes!     Yes!     Come,  start  the  circulation. 

[He  slaps  GWENDOLYN'S  hand.] 

GWENDOLYN 

[Gleefully  holding  out  a  hand  to  JANE.] 
Yes,  come!     Start  the  circulation! 

[The   hand-organ   plays   a   lively   tune. 
The  three  circle,  laughing.] 

THE  POLICEMAN 

Stop!     This  won't  do!     We  got  to  call  some  one! 
[The   ORGAN-GRINDER   puts   the   hand- 
organ  into  the  Face  Shop.] 

JANE 

No,  no! 

THE  POLICEMAN 
Ain't  anybody  here? 

JANE 

Yes.     In  there  at  dinner. 

[Points  past  the  Face  Shop.] 

115 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

But,  oh,  I  dassn't— I  dassn't!     Wait!    Wait!     I'll 
get  Thomas. 

[She  dances  away.~\ 

THE  POLICEMAN 
[To  GWENDOLYN.] 
Ho!     Ho!     I'm  glad  I  found  her  out! 

GWENDOLYN 
And  I'm  glad  I  know  the  truth  about  you. 

THE  POLICEMAN 
Why,  I  love  little  kids.     Here! 

[With  a  bow,  he  offers  her  a  stick  of 

striped  candy.] 
Allow  me ! 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  it's  the  chewing  kind! 

[She  sucks  at  the  stick  heartily.'] 

THE  POLICEMAN 

And  what's  more,  I  protect  blind  folks,  and  all  old 
people. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Coming  over.] 
Eh?     How  about  old  organ-grinders? 

THE  POLICEMAN 
I  guess  you  didn't  give  me  this  black  eye  for  nothing. 

116 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Well,  if  you  get  another,  I'll  have  to  charge  you  for 
it. 

[He  goes  to  his  Shop.'} 

JANE 

[Dancing  toward  them.'] 
Sh!     I  got  Thomas. 

THE  POLICEMAN 
[To  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
And  who  is  Thomas? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
A  footman — a  big-eared  footman. 

[THOMAS  enters.  He  stops  at  the  Face 
Shop  to  pick  a  flower  for  his  buttonhole. 
Again  GWENDOLYN  leans  back  with  eyes 
closed.'] 

THE  POLICEMAN 
[To  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
Did  you  sell  him  those  ears? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Boxed  'em  yesterday,  and  sent  'em  to  him. 
[To  THOMAS.] 

See  here,  sir!    I  don't  exchange  goods  that've  been 
worn. 

THOMAS 
[Airily.] 

My  hears  suits  me  first-clawss.     Hi  'ears  most  things 

117 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

that  goes  hon. — Jane,  what's  this  you're  tellin'  me 
about  'er? 

[Leaning  down  to  GWENDOLYN  crossly.] 
Come,  Miss,  come ! 

[He  twitches  her  sleeve. ] 
Git  right  hup ! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Warningly.] 

Don't  answer.     You  needn't  mind  him  any  more. 
He  drops  his  h's. 

THOMAS 
[  Threateningly.] 
You  git  hup,  or  Hi'll  bring  the  Bear. 

JANE 

Oh,  yes,  Thomas,  bring  the  Bear.     Maybe  she'll  pay 
attention  to  him. 

[THOMAS   strides   to   the   BEAR'S   Den, 

from  which  come  growls.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[Sitting  up.] 
Oh,  he's  loose! 

[She  flies  to  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Let  him  come. 

THE  POLICEMAN 
I'll  stand  by  you. 

[He  suits  the  action  to  the  word.] 

118 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
All  right,  then,  I'll  see  the  Bear! 

THOMAS 
Come  Bear!     Come,  Bear! 

[Slaps  a  knee  as  if  calling  Rover.] 
'Ere!     'Ere!     'Ere! 

JANE 

Now,  you'll  find  out,  Miss ! 

THOMAS 

[Taking   a  footman's  attitude  and  an- 
nouncing.] 
Mr.  Bear! 

THE  BEAR 
[Emerging.] 
Rar-rar-rar-rar ! 

[He  is  a  large  replica  of  Puffy.] 

THOMAS 
No!    No! 

[Starts  at  him.] 
We  don't  want  you!     You  re  not  the  one. 

[Gives  him  a  smart  shove  back.] 

THE  BEAR 

[Resentfully.] 
Now,  you  stop,  Thomas.     You  stop! 

[He     waddles     toward     GWENDOLYN, 
smoothing  his  shaggy  coat.] 
I  won't  be  treated  like  that!     I  simply  won't! 

119 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
[Stepping  forward.'] 
Why — why — ! 

THE  BEAR 

[Halts  and  bows,,  with  one  paw  over  his 
heart.] 
Ah!    The  Poor  Little  Rich  Girl,  I  see! 

GWENDOLYN 

Why,  it's  Puffy! 

[She  runs  to  him.  They  embrace.  She 
kisses  him  fondly.  To  the  ORGAN- 
GRINDER.] 

It's  only  my  Puffy ! 

[JANE  dances  to  THOMAS,  and  they  con 
fer.  Holding  the  BEAR  at  arm's  length.] 

Oh,  you  dear  Puffy!    How  are  you? 

THE  BEAR 
Oh,  pretty  shabby,  thank  you. 

GWENDOLYN 
I  think  you  look  splendid! 

THE  BEAR 

[Moodily.] 

Oh,  well,  that's  because  you  look  on  the  bright  side  of 

things.     Bears  never  do.     Rar-rar-rar! 

120 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

[Pointing   to   a  ragged  spot   over   his 
heart.] 

Excuse  me,  but  aren't  you  losing  your  pocket-hand 
kerchief? 

THE  BEAR 
[Shaking  his  head.] 
No ;  that's  my  stuffing  coming  out. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh! 

[The     POLICEMAN     and    the     ORGAN- 
GRINDER  show  great  concern.] 

THE  BEAR 
I  lost  some  cotton  batting  once  before. 

[Whispering.] 
It  was  when  you  were  teething. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  I  was  so  little ! 

THE  BEAR 

I  know  you  didn't  mean  it.     But  really — I — can't — 
spare — any — more. 

[He  staggers  to  the  mossy  rock  and  sinks 
upon  it.] 

GWENDOLYN 

[Cheerily,  as  she  follows  him.] 

But  we'll  mend  you,  Puffy!    We'll  mend  you!     The 
shop's  right  here. 

[To  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
121 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

I'll  take  some  stuffing,  please,  and  a  little  fur  to 
match. 

[She  waves  a  hand  toward  the  BEAR.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Bowing.'] 
Madam,  your  order  will  have  prompt  attention. 

[He  goes  to  the  Face  Shop  and  hastily 
gathers  some  articles  together.] 

THE  BEAR 

Once  I  asked  Jane  to  take  me  to  the  Doll  Hospital. 
— Rar-rar-rar! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Madam! 

[He  comes  to  GWENDOLYN.] 

I  regret  very  much  that  I  am  out  of  the  articles  you 
asked  for,  but  here  are  others  just  as  good. 

[He  holds  out  a  nose  and  a  cheek.'} 

GWENDOLYN 
What!    A  nose? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Chanting.'} 
In  place  of — do  as  well — substitution. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  we  can't  use  a  nose! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Ah,  well,  then  I'm  afraid  I  must  have  help.     This  is 

a  case  that  requires  a  doctor. 

122 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  POLICEMAN 
That's  right!    We're  losin'  time! 

JANE 
A  doctor?    Oh,  no!    No! 

THE  POLICEMAN 
[Darkly;  to  GWENDOLYN.] 
Why  is  she  afraid  to  call  a  doctor? 

GWENDOLYN 
You  mean  —  he'd  help  ? 

[The  ORGAN-GRINDER  nods,  smiling.] 
All  right.     We'll  call  a  doctor.     Puffy,  he'll  fix  you 
up. 

THOMAS 

[To  the  POLICEMAN.] 
There's  one  right  hin  the  dinin'-room. 

THE  POLICEMAN 
Fetch  him  —  quick! 

[GWENDOLYN    seats    herself   beside   the 
BEAR  as  THOMAS  hurries 


THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Proudly;  to  all.] 
You'll  see!    I  made  that  doctor  a  very  nice  face. 

JANE 

[To  the  BEAR.] 
Yes!    But  he'll  cut  out  your  appendix. 

123 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  BEAK 
If  he  does,  I  hope  he'll  forget  and  sew  in  a  sponge. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Chanting.'} 
Frequent — scientific — professional. 

[The  BEAR,  JANE,,  and  the  ORGAN- 
GRINDER  gather  close  about  GWENDOLYN 
as  the  DOCTOR  enters.  He  has  on  a  rid 
ing-suit  3  and  carries  a  long  crop.  Behind 
him  follows  THOMAS.] 

GWENDOLYN 

Why,  it's  the  specialist! 
[Nodding.} 
Which  hobby  are  you  riding  to-day? 

THE  DOCTOR 

[Waving  the  others  away."] 
Fresh  air!     Fresh  air,  here!     Fresh  air! 

[Anxiously '.] 
Little  girl!    Little  girl! 

[She  gives  him  her  hand.    He  feels  her 

pulse.} 
Jane,  what  have  you  been  giving  her? 

[THOMAS  and  JANE  show  fear.} 
Officer,  there's  something  wrong  here. 

[To  JANE.] 
What  have  you  given  her,  I  say? 

124 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

JANE 

[Dances  close  to  THOMAS  and  attempts 
to  smuggle  the  medicine  bottle  to  him;  it 
drops  to  the  ground.] 
Pick  it  up,  Thomas! 

[THOMAS  reaches  for  the  bottle.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Springing  forward.] 
Hold  on!     I'll  have  a  look  at  that. 

[Seizes  the  bottle  and  examines  it.  The 
BEAR  is  faint.  GWENDOLYN  half  sup 
ports  him] 

THE  POLICEMAN 
Ah— ha! 

[Shakes  his  club  at  THOMAS  and  JANE.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
Good  heavens!     Did  she  have  any  of  this? 

JANE 

I  don't  know  a  thing  about  it. 

[The  DOCTOR  turns  upon  THOMAS.] 

THOMAS 
Nor  me,  neither ! 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  the  POLICEMAN.] 
It  was  bought  at  the  corner. 

125 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  POLICEMAN 
[Taking  the  bottle.] 

I'll  find  out,  sir.     Leave  it  to  me! — Give  me  a  sharp 
eye. 

[He  goes  to  the  Face  Shop  and  helps 
himself  to  an  eye  on  the  end  of  a  stick. 
It  lights  up.  He  flashes  the  eye  about 
him  as  he  hurries  away  through  the  trees. ~\ 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
I  really  ought  to  make  him  pay  for  that  eye. 

[Mumbles  to  himself  as  he  rearranges  the 
faces  on  the  counter  of  the  Shop.] 

THE  BEAR 
You're  lucky  you  don't  have  to  pay  him! 

GWENDOLYN 
[To  the  DOCTOR.] 
We're  forgetting  Puffy.     He  needs  a  doctor. 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Tenderly] 
The  doctor's  here,  little  girl;  the  doctor's  here. 

GWENDOLYN 
You're  a — a  doctor? 

THE  DOCTOR 
And  I'm  going  to  help  all  I  can. 

[He  feels  the  BEAR'S  pulse.] 

126 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

But— 

[He  goes  to  the  Face  Shop.] 
There  are  some  things  I've  got  to  have. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Anything  in  the  face  line? 

JANE 

[To  the  BEAR.] 
He'll  give  you  nasty  medicine. 

THE  BEAR 
What?    Rar-rar-rar! 

GWENDOLYN 
No,  Puffy,  he'll  give  you  bread-pills. 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
Have  you  any  bread-pills  ? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

I  don't  keep  'em,  but  I'll  put  a  dozen  in  stock. 
[He  hurries  toward  the  River.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  JANE.] 
Call  her  father. 

JANE 
Oh,  Doctor! 

[She  dances  toward  the  Face  Shop.] 

127 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
Call  her  father! 

[To   THOMAS,   as  JANE  goes  waltzing 

away.] 
My  overcoat! 

THOMAS 
Yes,  sir. 

THE  DOCTOE 

The  small  case  in  the  right-hand  pocket.     Bring  it 

here. 

[As  THOMAS  hastens  to  obey,  the  DOC 
TOR  seizes  the  BEAR  by  a  paw  and  throws 
him  toward  the  Soda  Water  stream, 
where  the  BEAR  sits  awkwardly,  like  a 
sawdust  bear.] 

FATHER 

[Anxiously;  as  he  hurries  in,  wearing  the 
money -suit. ~\ 
Doctor!    Doctor!    What  has  happened? 

THE  DOCTOR 

I  don't  know.     I  came  out  here  and  found  her  de 
lirious. 

FATHER 

[Kneeling  in  front  of  GWENDOLYN.] 
Gwendolyn!     Gwendolyn!     Here's      father,      little 
darling.     See! 

GWENDOLYN 
How  do  you  do,  sir? 

128 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 

Gwendolyn!     This  is  father,  little  daughter, — father! 
Oh,  don't  you  know  me? 

GWENDOLYN 

[Dreamily.] 
Made  of  money ! 

[She  smooths  a  sleeve  of  the  yellow  coat.~\ 
I  think  I've  met  you  before  somewhere. 

FATHER 
[Rising.] 
Doctor,  she  doesn't  know  me !     She  doesn't  know  me ! 

THE  DOCTOR 
There,  there!     Steady,  old  man! 

[GWENDOLYN  rises,  and  he  measures  her 
with  his  crop  as  the  ORGAN-GRINDER 
comes  puffing  in,  carrying  a  doctor's  bag 
full  of  bread-pills.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Here's  a  dozen — fresh  from  the  oven! 

FATHER 
Doctor,  how  low  is  she? 

THE  DOCTOR 
I'm  measuring  her. 

[The  riding -crop  lights  up,  showing  de 
grees  and  height  of  mercury.'] 

129 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

Ninety-seven  and  two-fifths. 

[He  shakes  his  head.] 

FATHER 
That's  low! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Too  low. 

GWENDOLYN 
Yes,  but  I'll  grow  taller. 

THE  DOCTOR 
It  must  come  up !     It  must ! 

[He  takes  a  bread-pill  from  the  bag  and 

offers  it  to  her.] 
Here,  take  one  of  these  bread-pills. 

GWENDOLYN 

[Taking  the  pill  and  eating  it  heartily.] 
Oh,  it's  awfully  crisp  and  crunchy! 

FATHER 

[Touching  her  hand.] 

It'll  make  you  better,  dear.     Make  my  little  girl 
better. 

GWENDOLYN 

[Shrinking  from  him  and  watching  him 
as  she  goes  to  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
It's  too  bad!     This  gentleman  has  come,  and  I  don't 
remember  who  he  is.     Is  he   Sam  Hill,  or  Great 
Scott? 

130 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

[Scratching  his  head.] 
Well,  I  made  him  that  long  face. 

[He  stares  at  FATHER.] 
Money — currency — cash. 

FATHER 
Doctor,  what  is  she  saying? 

THE  DOCTOR 
She's  seeing  many  strange  things. 

THOMAS 
[Returning.'] 
Here  you  are,  sir. 

[He  hands  a  small  hypodermic  case  to  the 
DOCTOR.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
Here!    Hold  this. 

[He    gives    the    case    to    the    ORGAN- 
GRINDER.] 
Sh!     Her  mother! 

[All  turn  as  MOTHER  comes  hurrying  to 
ward  them.  Behind  her  walk  five  grey 
figures — two  men,  and  three  women.] 

MOTHER 

[Staring  down  at  the  bonnet  she  carries.] 
Why,  what  has  happened?  What  has  happened? 
Gwendolyn!  Gwendolyn!  My  little  daughter! 

131 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
[Timidly.] 

Have — have  I  met  you  before? 
[She  curtseys.] 

MOTHER 

Doctor,  she  doesn't  know  me!     Oh,  what  has  hap 
pened! 

[The  Bee  in  the  bonnet  buzzes.] 

GWENDOLYN 
May  I  ask  what  you  have  in  your  bonnet? 

MOTHER 
[As  if  dazed.] 
The  Bee!    The  Bee! 

[The  buzzing  is  loud.] 

GWENDOLYN 
The  Bee? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

She  hears  nothing  else !     She  sees  nothing  else ! 

MOTHER 
[Still  staring  at  the  bonnet.] 

Oh,  what  a  terrible  thing!     She  was  all  right  when  I 

left  her — such  a  little  while  ago! 

[The  Bee  buzzes  angrily.] 

GWENDOLYN 
She's  very  fond  of  the  Bee ! 

132 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GKINDER 
[Wagging  his  head  sadly.] 
Contemplation !     Speculation !    Perlustration ! 

GWENDOLYN 
What  kind  of  a  Bee  is  it? 

MOTHER 
The  Bee!    A  social  honey-gathering  insect. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  a  Society  Bee! 

THEY 

[In  chorus.] 
And  the  very  latest  fashion. 

MOTHER 
[Brokenly.] 
The  Bee !     The  Bee !     The  Bee ! 

THE  DOCTOR 

[To  FATHER,  who  has  put  an  arm  about 
MOTHER  comfortingly.] 
Don't  you  think  you  had  better  take  her  upstairs? 

FATHER 

Yes. — Come,  dear!    Come! 

{ 

MOTHER 

Come?    Why,  what  do  They  say? 

133 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 
They  say!    They  say! 

GWENDOLYN 
They? 

[Crossing  to  THEY.] 
Are  you  They? 

THEY 

[In  chorus. ] 
We  are. 

GWENDOLYN 
How  do  you  do,  They? 

[She  curtseys.] 

THEY 

[In  chorus.] 
We  do  the  proper  thing. 

[They  shake  hands  with  one  another, 
holding  their  hands  very  high.~\ 

I  congratulate  you!  I  congratulate  you!  I  con 
gratulate  you! 

GWENDOLYN 

I'm  glad  to  meet  you.  I've  heard  about  you  so  often. 
And  I've  heard  things  you've  said.  Aren't  you  al 
ways  saying  things? 

THEY 

Saying  things?  Well,  we  get  the  blame,  but  the 
talking  is  done  by  the  Little  Bird. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  I  don't  want  to  blame  you. 

134 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THEY 

[In  chorus,  while  they  point  at  one  an 
other.] 

I  blame  him  and  she  blames  me.  In  that  way  we 
shift  the  responsibility.  And  as  we  always  keep  to 
gether,  nobody  ever  knows  who  really  is  to  blame. 

FATHER 
[To  THEY.] 
This  is  no  place  for  her. 

[He  indicates  MOTHER.] 
Tell  her  so. 

THEY  i 

[Advancing.] 

It  isn't  good  form  to  stay  here,  Madam.  People 
aren't  doing  it  this  year.  Come! 

[They  gesture  toward  the  stream  of  Soda 
Water.] 

MOTHER 
Yes!    Yes!     I'll  go — I'll  do  whatever  you  say. 

[The  Bee  buzzes.] 

The  Bee!  The  Bee!  The  social  honey-gathering 
insect ! 

[She  ascends  the  steep  path.] 

THEY 

[In  chorus,  following.] 

Well,  people  must  know  about  this.  Good  day! 
Good  day!  Good  day! 

[THEY  shake  hands  with  one  another  as 
they  go.] 

135 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 
My  little  girl,  Doctor? 

THE  DOCTOR 
I'll  bring  her. 

[To    GWENDOLYN,   as   FATHER   follows 
THEY.] 

Come! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Holds  out  both  hands. ~\ 
I'm  ready. 

THE  DOCTOR 
Then  come. 

[He  walks  beside  her.~\ 

JANE 

[Barring  the  way.] 

Here !     That  child's  in  my  charge,  and  she'll  do  noth- 
in'  of  the  kind. 

[She  catches  at  GWENDOLYN.] 

THOMAS 
[To  JANE.] 
We  must  git  'er  away  from  'im. 

JANE 
I  know  a  way! 

[She  points  at  the  ground.] 

See!     It's  an  automobile  road!     It's  a  fine  automo 
bile  road! 

136 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THOMAS 
[Darkly.] 
Ah,  hit  makes  a  difference,  that ! 

JANE 

Wait! 

[Calling  across  the  pool.'} 

Mo-tor!    Mo-tor! 

[A  motor-horn  answers  her.] 

Ah-ha-a-a ! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Frightened.] 

Oh,  no,  no!     Oh,  I  don't  want  to  be  shut  up  in  the 

car!    And  I  won't!     I  won't!     I  won't! 

[As  she  falls  back,,  a  limousine  advances 
to  her  swiftly  and  stops.  It  has  no 
driver.  It  honks  at  her  threateningly. 
Behind  it  enters  the  PLUMBER.  The 
length  of  pipe  over  his  shoulder  now  re 
sembles  a  musical  instrument.] 

JANE 

Now,  sweetie,  rich  little  girls  don't  hike  along  the 
streets  like  common  poor  little  girls. 

[She  reaches  out  to  seize  GWENDOLYN.] 

GWENDOLYN 
But  I  want  to  walk! 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Frantically.] 
This  motoring  must  stop} 

137 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

JANE 

Aw!  go  back  to  your  hobbies!    What  do  you  know 
about  kids?     Come,  Gwen;  you're  a-goin'. 

[She  takes  GWENDOLYN  by  the  arm.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[Holding  back.} 
Oh,  please !    Please ! 

THE  PLUMBER 
[Who  is  examining  the  car.] 
Well,  she  can't  go. 

GWENDOLYN 
It's  the  Piper! 

JANE 

[To  the  PLUMBER.] 
What  do  you  mean? 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  I  hope  something's  wrong  with  the  car! 

THE  PLUMBER 
Wrong?    You  bet  yer  life !     It's  broke! 

[Horrified,  JANE  clasps  both  foreheads.'] 
Look  who  I  got  for  my  passenger! 

[The  BROKER  steps  out  of  the  car,  break- 

ing  a  hinge  of  the  door,  which  sags  with 

a  bang.'} 

THE  BROKER 
I'm  his  broker! 

138 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  PLUMBER 
Ya-ah!    That's  what  comes  of  carryin'  a  Broker! 

JANE 

Yes.     You  broke  itl     But  you  didn't  hurt  yourself, 
did  you? 

THE  BROKER 
I  take  no  chances ! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Careful!     Cautious!     Commission! 

GWENDOLYN 

[To  the  BROKER.] 
Oh,  I'm  so  grateful  to  you! 

[She  curtseys.] 
Now  I  won't  have  to  ride. 

THE  BROKER 
You're  very  welcome,  I'm  sure. 

[He  shakes  hands  with  her,  bowing.'] 
Very  welcome. 

[He  crosses  to  the  Face  Shop;  the  OR 
GAN-GRINDER  shows  him  a  forehead.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[To  the  DOCTOR.] 
Now,  if  we  could  only  get  rid  of  the  car! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Officer! 

139 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  POLICEMAN 
I  can  help ! 

JANE 
No,  no! 

THE  POLICEMAN 
[Shoving  JANE  aside.] 
It  can't  resist  a  policeman. 

[To  the  Motor;  waving  his  club.] 
Here,   Motor,   you're   blocking   traffic.     Move   on! 
Move  on! 

[With  loud  blasts  of  the  horn,  the  limou 
sine  rushes  away  into  the  Forest,  while 
the  POLICEMAN  proudly  takes  his  stand 
at  the  top  of  the  steep  path.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
Ah-ha  1    That's  the  last  we'll  see  of  that  car ! 

[There  is  a  chorus  of  applause,  in  the 
midst  of  which  the  BROKER  drops  the 
forehead.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Oh!    Oh!    Oh!    He's  broken  a  forehead! 

THE  BROKER 

Oh,  I'm  so  sorry!     I'm  so  sorry!     It  was  purely  ac 
cidental. 

[He  backs,  knocking  a  wrench  out  of  the 

PLUMBER'S  hand.] 

THE  PLUMBER 
Say,  you've  broke  me  pipe  wrench. 

140 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  BROKER 
I'm  so  sorry! 

THE  PLUMBER 
You'll  pay  for  dat  wrench. 

THE  BROKER 

It  was  purely  accidental,  I  assure  you. 

[He  stumbles  against  the  BEAR,  who  top 
ples  sidewise.~] 

Oh,  I'm  so  sorry! 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  Doctor!     Puffy! 

THE  DOCTOR 
I'll  fix  him  up  all  right.     There! 

[He    thrusts    the   riding-crop   into    the 
BEAR'S  mouth,  then  feels  his  pulse.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Puffy,  you're  mended! 

THE  PLUMBER 
[Staring  at  GWENDOLYN.] 
Well,  what  do  you  know  about  dis ! 

GWENDOLYN 

How  do  you  do,  Mr.  Piper? 
[She  curtseys.'} 

THE  PLUMBER 
Well,  if  here  ain't  the  P.  L.  R.  G. ! 

141 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  when  did  you  come  out? 

THE  PLUMBER 
[Gruffly.] 
I  didn't  come  out. 

GWENDOLYN 
No? 

THE  PLUMBER 
No.     I  got  run  out. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  but  why? 

[JANE  hides  a  double  smile.'] 

THE  PLUMBER 

Well,  in  town  everybody's  in  debt.  And  nobody 
wants  to  pay  the  Piper.  Anyway,  I  ain't  never  been 
popular. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Sternly.] 
You  overcharge? 

THE  POLICEMAN 
[Calling  down.] 
You  made  me  pay  too  dear  for  my  whistle. 

THE  PLUMBER 
Why,  hello,  copper!     Say!     Yer  off  yer  beat! 

[JANE  titters  as  she  comes  waltzing  up.] 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

What  do  you  t'ink  yer  doin'?     Singin'  a  duet  with 
yerself? 

JANE 

I'm  dancin'  attendance. 

THE  PLUMBER 
Them  that  dance  must  pay  the  Piper. 

[He  holds  out  his  hand,  and  she  pays  him 

too  little.'} 
No,  you  don't,  ma'am!    I'm  a  union  man. 

[She  pays  more.'] 
That's  more  like  it. 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  the  BEAR.] 
Now  you're  as  good  as  new ! 

THE  BEAR 

Thank  you!    Would  a  little  soda-water  hurt  me. 
Doctor? 

[He  waves  a  paw  toward  the  stream.'] 

THE  DOCTOR 
We-e-ell— 

GWENDOLYN 
[Pleadingly.] 
And  I'm  thirsty — so  thirsty. 

THE  DOCTOR 
Then  drink. 

GWENDOLYN 
All  I  want  to? 

143 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Sip!    Lap!    Tipple! 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  soda-water! 

[She  runs  with  the  BEAR  to  the  pool, 
where  they  lean  to  drink.    As  she  rises,  a 
change  is  apparent.    She  comes  to  the 
DOCTOR  and  looks  up  into  his  face.~\ 
Tell  me — who  is  he? 

THE  DOCTOR 
He? 

[He  takes  her  hand,  covertly  feeling  her 
pulse.'} 

GWENDOLYN 
The  Man  Who  is  Made  of  Money? 

THE  DOCTOR 
That,  little  girl> — that  is  your  father. 

GWENDOLYN 
My  father? 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes. 

JANE 

[Steps  forward.] 
You  shan't  bother  your  father!1 

THOMAS 
It's  'is  busy  day. 

[The  POLICEMAN  rushes  down  to  drive 
the  two  back.] 

144 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL, 

GWENDOLYN 

[To  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
Where  is  my  fath-er? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Embarrassed.  ] 

Where?    Well, — er — the  fact  is,  he's  gone  to  the 
Land  of  the  Lights. 

GWENDOLYN 
The  Land  of  the  Lights? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
YouVe  heard  that  light  grows? 

[She  nods.~\ 

It's  there  that  candle-light  grows— the  candles  that 
burn  at  both  ends. 

GWENDOLYN 
Is  it  far? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Out  in  a  new  addition — yes,  addition,  subtraction, 
multiplication. 

[THOMAS  and  JANE  whisper  together.'} 

GWENDOLYN 
[To  the  DOCTOR.] 
Will  you  go  with  me? 

THE  DOCTOR 

[Looking  at  his  riding -crop.] 
If  you're  tall  enough. 

[He  measures  her.] 

145 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

JANE 
I  know  who'll  put  a  stop  to  this! 

[To  GWENDOLYN.] 
You  can't  go  without  asking  her,  darlin'. 

GWENDOLYN 
Her? 

JANE 

Ah-ha!     See  what's  up  yonder  in  the  grass! 

[She  points  up  the  steep  path,  whereupon 
Miss  ROYLE  comes  gliding  down.] 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Hissing.] 

Yes-s-s! 

GWENDOLYN 
The  snake! 

JANE 
Ah-ah!     I  thought  so! 

Miss  ROYLE 

[Out  of  sight  among  the  trees.] 
Yes-s-s ! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[To  GWENDOLYN.] 

That  old  snake  in  the  grass — she's  the  cause  of  a  lot 
of  your  troubles.     You  must  get  rid  of  her,  too. 

THE  DOCTOR 

[Reading  the  degrees  on  his  riding-crop.] 
Ninety-seven! 

146 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  PLUMBER 

[Advancing  toward  the  trees.'] 
Here's  more  comin'  to  me! 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Rising  to  meet  him.] 
Sir,  I  have  not  been  dancing. 

THE  PLUMBER 
Well,  what  do  you  call  that  wrigglin'  and  twistin'? 

Miss  ROYLE 

Oh,  very  well;  take  this. 

[She  gives  Mm  money.'} 

My  neuralgia's  been  much  worse  to-day. 

[She  puts  a  hand  to  her  cheek.  As  she 
glides  toward  GWENDOLYN,  the  DOCTOR 
waves  the  riding-crop  at  her  threaten 
ingly.} 

Which  direction  are  you  going,  darling? 

GWENDOLYN 
[Dreamily.} 
Oh,  I'm — I'm  just  wandering. 

[She  takes  a  step  or  two.} 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes,  she's — just  wandering. 

[He  puts  an  arm  about  her  tenderly.} 

Miss  ROYLE 
Then  I'll  wander  with  you.    Yes-s-s! 

147 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

JANE 

Thomas ! 

THOMAS 
To  save  hour  jobs! 

[He  disappears  among  the  trees  for  a 
moment,  returning  with  a  long,  rough 
tongue ',  which  he  waves  menacingly  at  the 
DOCTOR.] 

You  shan't  pass  this  way ! 

THE  DOCTOR 
You  forget  whom  I  have  at  my  command. 

[To  the  POLICEMAN.] 
Officer,  blow  your  whistle ! 

[The  POLICEMAN  obeys.'} 
Blow  it  at  the  top  of  your  lungs! 

[The  POLICEMAN  places  the  whistle 
against  his  chest,  and  there  sounds  the 
loud  blast  of  a  river  steamer — where 
upon  the  KING'S  ENGLISH  appears  at  the 
top  of  the  steep  path.} 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
I  am  the  King's  English! 

THOMAS 

[Appalled.} 
The  King's  Hinglish? 

148 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 

I  have  the  King's  English  at  my  command !  See  his 
polished  tongue ! 

[The  KING'S  ENGLISH  holds  a  shining 

tongue  aloft.] 

THOMAS 

He'd  better  start  no  tongue-lashin',  or  Hi'll  murder 
'im!  Hi'll  murder  'im  with  me  rough  one!  Hi'll 
give  you  a  tongue-lashin'. 

[The  KING'S  ENGLISH  descends.  And 
the  two  circle,  looking  for  a  chance  to  at 
tack.] 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
I'm  for  her  going  up ! 

[He  lashes  out  with  the  tongue. ,] 

THOMAS 
Hi'm  for  'er  stayin'  down! 

[He  returns  the  blow.] 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
Up!    Up! 

THOMAS 
Down,  Hi  say! 

[They  cut  at  each  other  furiously.] 

JANE 

Use  H-words,  Thomas!     Use  H-words! 

149 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THOMAS 
'Ack!    And 'it!     And 'ammer! 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
Hack,  and  hit,  and  hammer! 

GWENDOLYN 

[To  the  KING'S  ENGLISH.] 
Put  your  best  foot  forward! 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[Breathing  harder,  as  they  circle.] 
H-words  don't  matter.     I'm  safe  as  long  as  his  gram 
mar  doesn't  get  too  bad. 

THOMAS 
[  Triumphantly.  } 
Ah-ha! — Me  and  him  will  fight! 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[Panting.'} 
He  and  I  will  fight! 

[They  exchange  blows.} 

JANE 

[Darkly.} 
Try  your  verbs,  Thomas !     Try  your  verbs ! 

THOMAS 
I  have  went !     I  have  went !     I  have  went ! 

[He  delivers  three  lashes  of  the  tongue.} 

150 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[Gasping.] 
Oh!    Oh!    I  have  gone!    I  have  gone! 

[He  strikes  back,  but  weakly.  The  DOC 
TOR,  the  PLUMBER,  the  BEAR,  the  POLICE 
MAN,  the  ORGAN-GRINDER  and  GWENDO 
LYN  show  fear  for  the  safety  of  the  KING'S 
ENGLISH,  but  JANE  and  Miss  ROYLE 
dance  and  wriggle  with  joy] 

THOMAS 
Hi  done!    Hi  done!     Hi  done!     Hi  done! 

[He  lashes  the  KING'S  ENGLISH  unmer 
cifully.] 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
Help!    Help! 

[He  tries  to  strike  back,  but  cannot.] 

THOMAS 

[Swinging  his  rough  tongue  with  renewed 
vigor] 
Ho!    Worser,  'n'  worser,  'n'  worser,  'n'  worser! 

[The  polished  tongue  falls  from  the  trem 
bling  hand  of  the  KING'S  ENGLISH;  he 
sinks  to  a  knee] 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[Weakly] 
I— I  did! 

THOMAS 
Hi  seen!    Hi  seen!    Hi  seen! 

151 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[Falling  forward.] 
I — I — saw!     I — I — saw! 

[He  straightens  out  upon  his  back.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  he's  murdered ! 

THE  POLICEMAN 
[Advancing  upon  THOMAS.] 

You  bought  that  medicine  at  the  corner.     I  arrest 
you! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Taking  down  a  long  tongue  from  the 
wall  of  his  Face  Shop.] 
Tongue-tie  him!     Tongue-tie  him! 

GWENDOLYN 
Yes,  tongue-tie  him!     Tongue-tie  him! 

[The  POLICEMAN  and  the  BEAR  seize 
THOMAS  and  wind  the  long  tongue  about 
his  body.] 

THE  DOCTOR 

There,  little  girl,  the  way  is  clear.     I'll  take  you  to 
your  father. 

GWENDOLYN 
To  the  Land  of  Lights? 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes. 

152 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[The     ORGAN-GRINDER    shoulders     the 
hand-organ.] 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  but  I  want  you,  Puffy,  and  you,  Mister  Police 
man,  and  you,  Mr.  Piper. 

Miss  ROYLE 
[Gliding  forward."} 
And  me  ?    Yes-s-s ! 

GWENDOLYN 
No! 

Miss  ROYLE 

Yes-s-s! 

[To  JANE.] 
I  know  another  way. 

JANE 

Oh,  hurry!    Hurry! 

[Miss  ROYLE  glides  out  of  sight,  followed 
by  JANE,  dancing.] 

GWENDOLYN 

[Bending  down  to  the  KING'S  ENGLISH.] 
Good-bye,  King's  English,  and  thank  you. 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[Sitting  up] 

Don't  mention  it,  Miss.     It's  the  hundredth  time  he's 
murdered  me. 

[He  rises,  and  limps  away  into  the  For 
est] 

153 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

[To  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
You'll  come,  too? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Yes,  but  wait!     Here's  something  you'll  need. 

[He  takes  the  hypodermic-case  from  a 

pocket.] 

It's  the  finest  thing  in  the  world!     Here,  little  girl, 
keep  this  stiff  upper  lip. 

GWENDOLYN 
[Taking  the  case.] 
A — stiff — upper — lip  ? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Yes,  you'll  need  it  on  your  journey. 

[He  begins  to  play.  The  music  carries 
a  note  of  weary  wandering.  GWENDO 
LYN  holds  out  a  hand  to  the  DOCTOR. 
He  lifts  her  in  both  arms  and  climbs  the 
steep  path.  The  ORGAN-GRINDER  fol 
lows 3  and  behind  him  come  the  BEAR,  the 
PLUMBER,  and  the  POLICEMAN.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Good-bye,  old  Big  Ears! 

[The  Forest  darkens.  Up  through  the 
long  grass,  in  pursuit  of  GWENDOLYN, 
glides  Miss  ROYLE,  hissing.'} 

154 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

JANE 

[Dancing  behind  Miss  ROYLE.] 
One,  two,  three,  point!     One,  two,  three,  point! 

[Blackness  shuts  down  over  the  glade.] 


SCENE  2:    THE  LAND  OF  THE  LIGHTS 

At  first,  all  is  rolling  gray  mist.  The  music  of  the 
ORGAN-GRINDER  now  sounds  far-away,  and  haunt- 
ingly  mysterious.  Then  a  faint  glimmer  appears  at 
one  side,  lighting  up  the  faces  of  THEY,  who  steal  on. 
As  they  speak,  they  move  slowly  across  the  Land, 
swaying  rhythmically. 

THEY 

[Each  of  four  speaking  in  turn.~\ 
Hush!    Hush!    Hush!    Hush!  ' 

THE  FIFTH 
Whisper! 

THEY 

[As  before.'} 

What  do  you  think  ?  What  do  you  think  ?  What  do 
you  think?  What  do  you  think? 

THE  FIFTH 
Tell  me! 

THEY 

I  hardly  know.  I  hardly  know.  I  hardly  know.  I 
hardly  know. 

155 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  FIFTH 
I'm  bothered! 

THEY 

Isn't  it  strange!  Isn't  it  strange!  Isn't  it  strange! 
Isn't  it  strange! 

THE  FIFTH 
Oh,  very! 

THEY 

How  did  it  happen?  How  did  it  happen?  How  did 
it  happen?  How  did  it  happen? 

THE  FIFTH 
I  can't  imagine! 

THEY 

Do  you  think  she  will  recover?  Do  you  think  she 
will  recover?  Do  you  think  she  will  recover?  Do 
you  think  she  will  recover? 

THE  FIFTH 
Pull  through? 

THEY 

One  never  can  tell.  One  never  can  tell.  One  never 
can  tell.  One  never  can  tell. 

THE  FIFTH 
Can  one? 

THEY 

It's  a  pleasant  evening,  isn't  it?  It's  a  pleasant  eve 
ning,  isn't  it?  It's  a  pleasant  evening,  isn't  it?  It's 
a  pleasant  evening,  isn't  it? 

156 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  FIFTH 
Extremely! 

THEY 

Hush!    Hush!    Hush!    Hush! 

THE  FIFTH 
[Finger  to  lip.] 
Silence! 

[As  THEY  sway  from  sight,  the  music  of 
the  ORGAN-GRINDER  changes.  Its  note 
is  no  longer  mystery,  but  grief  and  dan 
ger.  Above  it,  GWENDOLYN'S  voice  is 
heard,  as  she  comes  to  the  Land  in  the 
wake  of  THEY.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Doctor! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes,  little  girl, — here. 

[A  faint  light  shines  on  their  faces.  The 
DOCTOR  is  carrying  her.~\ 

GWENDOLYN 
I  couldn't  see  you.     It's  dark. 

THE  DOCTOR 
Take  hold  of  my  hand.     There,  now,  try  to  rest. 

GWENDOLYN 
I'll  try. 

THE  DOCTOR 

Rest — rest.  The  light  will  grow  again.  Rest — rest. 
[They  disappear  into  the  darkness.  The 
music  grows  louder,  and  more  lively. 

157 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

The  glimmer  brightens.  From  near  at 
hand  comes  the  voice  of  the  LITTLE  BIKD, 
calling  out  like  a  newsboy.] 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

Uxtra!    Uxtra!     All  about  the  lubble-lubble  in  Aw 
Street!     Ux-tra! 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[To  the  LITTLE  BIRD.] 

I  sha'n't  go  any  fawster!     I  sha'n't! 

{He  limps  into  sight,  carrying  a  pouter- 
pigeon  on  his  right  fore-arm.  The  pi 
geon  has  a  large  white  lump  of  salt  on  its 
tail.  Across  its  full  breast  is  a  streak  of 
black.  The  KING'S  ENGLISH  halts,  pant 
ing.'] 

Well,  go  on,  little  bird! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

Uxtra!     Uxtra!     All  about  the  lubble-lubble  in  Aw 
Street!     Uxtra!     Uxtra! 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[Mockingly.'] 

Uxtra!     Uxtra!     I'm  jolly  well  sick  and  tired  of 
your  precious  talk. 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
Oh,  you  are? 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
Yes,  I  am. 

158 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
Do  you  think  I  like  this  work? 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
Talk !     Talk !     Talk !     And  never  a  rest ! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

It's  not  my  fault,  and  you  know  it.  They  make  me 
talk. 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
Night  after  night!     Night  after  night! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

If  you  hate  it  so  much,  why  don't  you  take  the  salt 
off  my  tail  ? 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
Take  the  salt  off  your  tail? 

[He  limps  a  few  steps. ~\ 
You  had  no  business  getting  the  salt  on  your  tail. 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
I  was  under  the  window,  and  They  threw  it  out. 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[Sneeringly.~\ 
Oh,  you  judged  it  was  a  crumb,  I  suppose? 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

What  do  you  care  what  I  "judged"?  The  salt  lit  on 
my  tail,  They  caught  me,  and  They've  worked  me 
like  a  dog  ever  since. 

159 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 

Oh,  go  on!     Stick  to  business,  and  let's  get  through. 
[He  limps  forward  again,  and  stops.] 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
[Calling.] 

Uxtra!     Uxtra!     All  about  the  lubble-lubble  in  Aw 
Street !     Uxtra !     Uxtra ! 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[Impatiently.] 
Well,  which  way? 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

Why  do  you  ask?     You  know  whom  we're  working 
for— They.     Go  on. 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[Grumbling  as  he  starts.] 
Yes,  go  on!     With  my  lame  leg? 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

Uxtra!     Uxtra!     All  about  the  lubble-lubble  in  Aw 

Street!     Coo!     Coo!     Coo!     Coo! 

[They  go.  The  music  swells.  The  light 
grows.  Four  dim  figures  enter.  The 
ORGAN-GRINDER  leads,  playing  as  if  tired. 
Behind  him  come  the  POLICEMAN,  the 
PLUMBER,  and  the  BEAR,  who  carries  the 
DOCTOR'S  bag.  The  ORGAN-GRINDER 
stands  the  hand-organ  upright,  and  stops 
turning  the  crank.  He  mops  his  fore- 

160 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

head.  The  POLICEMAN  passes  him,  peer 
ing  about  with  the  sharp  eye.  Suddenly 
the  Land  lights  up,  and  a  great  field  can 
be  seen,  in  which  are  growing  myriads  of 
candles  that  burn  at  both  ends.] 

THE  PLUMBER 

My!     My!     But  ain't  there  a  fine  crop  this  year! 

[There  are  murmurs  of  admiration  and 
wonder  from  the  others  The  BEAR 
shades  his  eyes] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Pointing] 

That's  the  way  they  went. 

THE  PLUMBER 
Sure!    We're  wandering  the  right  way. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Anxiously;  to  the  POLICEMAN.] 
But  I  don't  see  him. 

THE  POLICEMAN 
[Patrolling] 
I'll  keep  this  eye  out  for  him. 

THE  BEAR 

Oh,  I'm  tired!    Rar-rar-rar! 

[He  staggers  a  step  or  two] 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  PLUMBER 
And  I'm  hungry.     Here,  Copper. 

[He  helps  himself  to  several  bread-pills, 

and  tosses  one  to  the  POLICEMAN.] 
Have  a  bread-pill! 

[The  POLICEMAN  catches  the  pill,  and 

eats  it.~\ 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Discouraged.] 
Not  here!    Absent!    Elsewhere! 

THE  PLUMBER 

Now,  now,  Grinder,  don't  worry  about  that  money 
gent. 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

But  I  promised  he'd  be  up  here.     These  are  his  office 
hours.     He  ought  to  be  making  his  ducks  and  drakes. 

[All  turn  to  look  back  as  GWENDOLYN'S 

voice  is  heard  behind  them.'} 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  Doctor!     It's  getting  brighter! 

THE  PLUMBER 
Here  she  comes ! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes,  little  girl;  yes. 

[He  approaches,  carrying  her.  She 
raises  herself  in  his  arms,  and  very  gently 
he  sets  her  upon  her  feet.'] 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  the  lights!     The  lights! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

This  is  where  the  lights  go  when  they're  put  out  at 
night. 

GWENDOLYN 
The  candles  that  burn  at  both  ends! 

THE  DOCTOR 
[£«%.] 

Yes,  yes! 

GWENDOLYN 

[Turning  to  the  DOCTOR.] 
Oh,  we've  come  a  long  way,  haven't  we  ? 

[All  assent  sadly.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  the  POLICEMAN.] 
Her  strength's  giving  out! 

THE  POLICEMAN 
How  much  farther  can  she  go? 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Looking  down  at  her.] 
I'm  afraid  her  little  journey's  almost  done. 
[There  is  a  murmur  of  sorrow] 

GWENDOLYN 
[Smiling.] 
You  mean — he's  here? 

163 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  the  POLICEMAN.] 
Where  is  her  father? 

[The  POLICEMAN  answers  with  a  helpless 
gestured] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Uneasily.'} 
Yes,  where?     Oh,  dear!     Oh,  dear! 

THE  BEAR 
Rar-rar ! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Ancciously .] 
Doctor ! 

THE  DOCTOR 

There!  there!     He'll  be  here  soon. 
[To  the  POLICEMAN.] 
Bring  him  in. 

[The  POLICEMAN  goes,  holding  the  shari 
eye  out  in  front  of  him. 
To  GWENDOLYN.] 
Brave  little  girl,  now! 

GWENDOLYN 

But  I  never  could' ve  gotten  this  far  without  a  stifl 
upper  lip. 

THE  PLUMBER 
You're  all  grit,  kid! 

164 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Pointing*] 

Oh,  look!    Look! 

[FATHER  enters.  Now  lie  wears  a  har 
ness,  the  tugs  of  which  are  fastened  to  a 
large  machine  that  has  a  hopper  and  a 
wide  chute.  He  bends  forward  labori 
ously  to  draw  his  load.  His  hands  are 
full  of  bills.  He  looks  across  the  field  of 
candles.  The  POLICEMAN  follows  him.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  GWENDOLYN.] 
See,  little  girl !     Here  is  your  father. 

GWENDOLYN 
My — my  father? 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes. 

[He   urges   her   forward   gently.     The 

PLUMBER  follows,  and  observes  FATHER'S 

money  greedily.'] 
Speak  to  him. 

GWENDOLYN 

[Clinging  to  the  DOCTOR'S  hand.'] 
If — if  you  think  I  ought  to ! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Call  him  Father. 

GWENDOLYN 
[Timidly.'] 
Father! 

165 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

[To  the  DOCTOR.] 
He  doesn't  look  like  my  father! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Oh,  yes,  yesl 

GWENDOLYN 
Father! 

FATHER 

[Without  looking  at  her.'] 
My  hands  are  full!    My  hands  are  full! 

GWENDOLYN 
[To  the  DOCTOR.] 
Oh,  that  can't  be  my  father!     See  his  heavy  load! 

THE  DOCTOR 
We  all  have  our  burdens. 

[He  holds  up  his  riding-crop.~\ 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Nodding.] 
Hand-organ. 

[The  POLICEMAN  waves  his  club.'} 

THE  BEAR 

Bag! 

THE  PLUMBER 
Pipes  1 

[FATHER  feeds  money  into  the  hopper  of 
the  machine.] 

166 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  GWENDOLYN.] 
Speak  to  him  again. 

GWENDOLYN 
[Timidly.'] 
Father.     Here  I  am. 

[She  holds  out  her  hands.'] 

FATHER 

[Without  looking  at  her.] 

Busy !    Busy !     I'll  have  time  to  see  you  when  you're 
grown-up. 

GWENDOLYN 

Doctor,  you  just  measure  me.     He  thinks  I'm  little. 
But  I'm  not,  am  I? 

[She  stands  on  tip-toe.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Measuring  her.] 
Ninety-six!     Ah! 

[Frightened,  he  crosses  to  FATHER.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[To  the  BEAR.] 
Downward!     Lower!     Sinking! 

[Both  show  deep  concern.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  FATHER.] 
Brace  up,  man!     Speak  to  her! 

167 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 

[Feeding  the  machine.'] 
I  can't  bear  it !    I  can't  bear  it ! 

[The  quacking  of  the  TEACHERS  comes 
from  the  wide  chute.'} 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[To  GWENDOLYN;  explaining.'} 

I  make  faces;  he's  making  ducks  and  drakes  out  of 

his  money. 

[As  FATHER  turns  the  handle  of  the 
money-machine.} 

Look!    Look! 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
[Appearing  from  the  chute,  dressed  as  a 
drake.] 
One,  two,  three,  quack!     One,  two,  three,  quack! 

THE  FRENCH  TEACHER 

Quack!     Quack!     Parlez-vous    Fran^ais?     Quack! 
Quack! 

THE  GERMAN  TEACHER 

Quack!     Quack!     Sprechen  Sie  Deutsch?     Quack! 
Quack! 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
Quack!   Quack!    Strike  that  chord !   Quack!   Quack! 

THE  TEACHERS 
[Forming  a  line;  in  chorus."} 

Quack!    Quack!    Quack!    Quack!    Quack!    Quack! 
Quack!     Quack! 

168 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

[To  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
Oh,  I  don't  like  them! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Cavil!     Criticism!     Correction! 

THE  TEACHERS 
[Angrily.] 
Quack!     Quack!     Quack!     Quack!     Quack! 

[As  GWENDOLYN  crosses  toward  FA 
THER,  the  TEACHERS  snap  at  her  vi 
ciously] 

THE  DANCING  MASTEK 

Up  on  your  toes ! 

THE  FRENCH  TEACHER 
Oh,  don't  bozzer  me! 

THE  GERMAN  TEACHER 
Was  fur  ein  dumpf  Kopf ! 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
Mind  the  metronome! 

GWENDOLYN 

[To  FATHER.] 
Oh,  see  them!     See  them!     Don't  make  any  more! 

[She  turns  to  fly  toward  the  DOCTOR.] 
Don't  make  any  more! 

169 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  TEACHERS 
[Angrily.] 
Quack!     Quack!    Quack!     Quack!    Quack! 

THE  DOCTOE 
[Comfortingly.'} 
Sh!    Sh! 

[Severely,  to  the  TEACHERS.] 

There's  too  much  noise  in  here. 

THE  PLUMBER 
[To  the  DOCTOR.] 

I'll  get  this  bunch  out. — Go  on,  you!    Now,  you 

waddle  out  of  here !     Shoo !     Git ! 

[The  TEACHERS  refuse  to  obey;  each  ap 
peals  to  FATHER,  quacking  loudly.] 

Well,  you're  a  greedy  bunch!     Git,  I  say!     Git! 

THE  DOCTOR 

[To  the  TEACHERS,  as  they  start.] 
You  belong  in  the  barnyard ! 

THE  TEACHERS 

[To  the  DOCTOR,  very  pointedly.] 
Quack!    Quack!    Quack! 

THE  PLUMBER 
Haw!    Haw!     That's  one  on  you,  Doc! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Their  opinion  doesn't  worry  me ! 

170 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  PLUMBER 

[Picking  up  a  stone  and  throwing  it  at 
the  TEACHERS.] 
Go  on,  you!    Waddle  out  of  here.     Shoo!     Shoo! 

THE  TEACHERS 
Quack!    Quack!     Quack!     Quack!    Quack! 

[They  go,  the  PLUMBER  pursuing  them.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
Now,  little  girl. 

[Again  he  urges  her  toward  FATHER.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[To  FATHER.] 
Why  do  you  work  so  hard?     Don't  you  ever  stop? 

FATHER 
Busy!    Busy! 

[He  crams  bills  into  the  hopper.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  Doctor,  it's  that! 

[She  points  to  the  money  machine.] 
The  poor  man  is  harnessed  to  it ! 

FATHER 

[Coming  toward  her.] 
She  doesn't  know  me !     She  doesn't  know  me ! 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  GWENDOLYN.] 
Ah,  yes.     Poor  father!    You  don't  know  him. 

171 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

[Turns  to   FATHER,   looks,  shakes  Tier 
head  and  sighs.'} 
Maybe  he  is,  but — 

[She  turns  away.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  FATHER.] 

Ah!     Something  must  be   done!     She  mustn't   go 
down  another  fifth  of  a  degree! 

FATHER 

[Offering  money.'] 
Doctor !    Take  this !    Take  this ! 

THE  DOCTOR 
What  good  will  all  your  money  do  you  now? 

FATHER 
But  you'll  help,  Doctor !    You'll  help ! 

THE  DOCTOR 
I  won't  give  up  hope! 

THE  BEAR 

Oh,  for  just  one  glass  of  soda-water! 

THE  POLICEMAN 
Would  a  bread-pill  help? 

GWENDOLYN 
[Faintly.'] 
Oh, — I — can't  hold  this  any  longer! 

[She  sways,  dropping  the  stiff  upper  lip.] 

172 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

[Picking  up  the  lip.~\ 

No,  no,  little  girl!     Keep  it,  keep  it!     Keep  the  stiff 
upper  lip! 

[He  puts  an  arm  about  her,  and  puts  the 

Up  into  her  hand.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
Oh,  I  have  a  solution! 

ALL 

[Eagerly.] 
A  solution? 

THE  DOCTOR 
A  salt  solution! 

THE  POLICEMAN 
A  salt  solution? 

THE  BEAR 
A  salt  solution? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
A  salt  solution? 

THE  DOCTOR 
A  salt  solution.     It's  the  last  chance ! 

GWENDOLYN 
[Feelly.] 
But — but — where  will  you  get  the  salt? 

173 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 

The  salt?    Wait! 

[To  the  POLICEMAN.] 

Blow  your  whistle. 

[The  POLICEMAN  puts  the  whistle  against 
his  chest,  and  there  sounds  the  loud  blast 
of  a  river  steamer.  Instantly,  from  close 
at  hand,  comes  the  call  of  the  LITTLE 
BIRD.] 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

Uxtra!     Uxtra!    All  about  the  lubble-lubble  in  Aw 
Street! 

ORGAN-GRINDER,  BEAR  AND  POLICEMAN 

[In  chorus. ] 
The  Little  Bird! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
Uxtra!     Uxtra!    Uxtra!— Coo!     Coo!    Coo! 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 

[Limping  into  sight.'] 
Here,  sir! 

[He  halts  beside  the  DOCTOR.] 

GWENDOLYN 

[Stepping  forward.] 
Oh,  how  do  you  do,  Little  Bird! 

174 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
[Sulkily.] 
Do  ?    Huh !    I  do  exactly— 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[To  the  LITTLE  BIRD.] 
Be  careful,  now !    Mind  your  manners ! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
Let  me  answer,  will  y'? 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
Go  ahead. 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

[To  GWENDOLYN.] 
I  have  to  do  as  They  say! 

GWENDOLYN 

[To  the  KING'S  ENGLISH.] 
A  pigeon! 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 

[Sneering.] 
A  pouter-pigeon. 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
A  carrier,  sir !    Carrier ! 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
Ya-a-as,  and  what  do  you  carry? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Talk!    Gossip!    Scandal! 

175 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
Rawther ! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
No,  sir !     I  carry  news ! 

GWENDOLYN 
[To  the  LITTLE  BIRD.] 
But  you've  told  things  against  me! 

THE  POLICEMAN 
[Warning  her.~\ 

Sh!    We  need  that  lump  of  salt. 
[He  points  at  it.'] 

THE  DOCTOR 
Little  Bird,  I  think  I  can  help  you. 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
That's  cheerful! 

THE  DOCTOR 
I  want  that  salt. 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
What? 

THE  DOCTOR 
May  I  take  it? 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
All  of  it? 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes,  yes, — for  her! 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
Take  it.     I'd  be  delighted. 

[The  DOCTOR  helps  himself  to  the  salt.'} 
Thank  goodness,  that's  gone ! 

[He  shakes  his  feathers.] 

Hurrah!    Hurrah!    We   don't   have   to   work   for 
They  any  more !     Coo !     Coo !     Coo !     Coo ! 

[The  KING'S  ENGLISH  and  the  LITTLE 

BIRD  make  of  gaily.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Offering  the  salt  to  GWENDOLYN.] 

Now,  little  girl,  will  you  take  this  for  me? 

[GWENDOLYN  looks  at  the  salt,  then  up  at 
the  DOCTOR.  The  POLICEMAN,  the  BEAR 
and  the  ORGAN-GRINDER  watch  her  anx 
iously.'] 

Just  a  taste! 

[She  takes  the  salt,  tastes  it,  and  makes  a 
face,  as  if  the  taste  is  unpleasant.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Bitter  pill!    Gall!    Wormwood! 

[Now  a  change  comes  over  GWENDOLYN. 
She  looks  toward  FATHER,  and  seems  al 
most  to  know  him] 

FATHER 

Oh,  Doctor,  if  she'd  only  know  me  again!    Just  for 
a  moment! 

177 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Why — why — 

[Goes  to  him,  lifting  a  puzzled  face.  He 
frees  himself  from  the  machine,  and  drops 
on  one  knee  before  her.] 

FATHER 
[Tenderly.] 

Poor  little  girl!     Poor  little  girl! 

GWENDOLYN 
Poor — little — rich — girl ! 

FATHER 
Ah!  yes!    Poor  little  rich  girl! 

GWENDOLYN 

I — I  haven't  seen  you  often,  but — but  I  think  I  know 
you  now. 

[She  holds  out  her  hands  to  him>  and  he 

takes  them  in  his.] 

FATHER 
My  little  daughter!    My  little  daughter! 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  you  are!    You  are  my  father!    You  are! 

[She  throws  her  arms  about  him,  sob- 
bing.] 
You  are! 

178 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 

Oh,  Doctor,  she  knows  me!     She  knows  me! 
[He  buries  Ms  face  against  her.~\ 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Consciousness !     Understanding !     Recognition ! 

[The  ORGAN-GRINDER,  the  DOCTOR,  the 
BEAR,  and  the  POLICEMAN  wipe  their 
eyes.} 

GWENDOLYN 

[Drawing   away  from  FATHER  gently, 

and  taking  his  face  between  her  palms.] 

Oh,  father!     It's  so  nice  just  to  be  with  you!     Oh,  if 

I  could  only  see  you  often!     If  I  could  only  see  you 

often! 

THE  DOCTOR 

[Tapping  FATHER'S  shoulder.] 
A  little  too  much  excitement,  I'm  afraid. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  it's  this,  father. 

[She  touches  the  harness.] 
Your  harness !    Must  you  wear  it  ? 

FATHER 
Ah!    The  harness! 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  take  it  off!    Oh,  yes! 

[She  pulls  at  the  strap.] 

179 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 
Yes!    Yes! 

[As  he  starts  to  divest  himself  of  the  har 
ness,  the  BROKER  appears  and  taps  him 
on  the  shoulder.  FATHER  looks  up, 
startled.'] 

THE  BROKER 
I  am  his  Broker.    Do  you  understand?    His  Broker! 

FATHER 
Ah! 

[His  arms  fall  to  his  side.] 

THE  BROKER 
Haven't  you  forgotten  some  one? 

FATHER 
Forgotten? 

THE  BROKER 
Her! 

[He  points  a  mailed  hand.] 

FATHER 

[To  GWENDOLYN.] 

Ah,   yes!    I   can't  take   off  the  harness  till  your 
mother — 

GWENDOLYN 
My  mother? 

FATHER 
Till  your  mother  gets  rid  of  the  Bee. 

[The  BROKER  reaches  to  re-adjust  the 
harness.  Then  he  goes.] 

180 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  I  want  my  mother!     Where  is  my  mother? 
[She  turns  to  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

The  place  has  a  road  around  it,  and  some  hobbies  in 
side. 

GWENDOLYN 
Hobbies? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Yes.    Madam  follows  They  around  Robin  Hood's 
Barn. 

GWENDOLYN 
Robin  Hood's  Barn? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Embarrassed.'] 
Exactly. — Nice  day,  isn't  it? 

FATHER 
How  low  is  she  now,  Doctor? 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Measuring  GWENDOLYN.] 
Ah!    Ninety-six — and  two-fifths! 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  I'm  growing!     I'm  growing! 

FATHER 

[Drawing  her  to  him.'] 
Come! 

181 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
,To  Robin  Hood's  Barn,  father? 

FATHER 
lYes,  dear,  to  Robin  Hood's  Barn. 

[As  they  go,  the  ORGAN-GRINDER  plays, 
and  the  music  has  a  note  of  hope.'] 

THE  DOCTOR 
!AJi!    We'll  ride  my  hobbies  yet! 

[He  follows,  mtli  the  POLICEMAN,  the 
BEAR,  and  the  PLUMBER.  The  field  of 
candles  begins  to  fadeJ] 

JANE 

[Calling  from  near  at  hand.~\ 
Oh,  Gwennie !     Oh,  I  can't  go  no  further !     Oh,  wait ! 

Miss  ROYLE 
Stop  your  dancing! 

JANE 

[Waltzing  into  sight.] 
Oh,  what  a  night! 

Miss  ROYLE 
Stop  your  dancing.     Yes-s-s! 

JANE 

I'd  rather  wash  dishes! 

Miss  ROYLE 
Stop  your  dancing! 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

JANE 

I'd  rather  scrub  floors! 

Miss  ROYLE 
Stop  your  dancing! 

JANE 

I'd  rather  starve  I 

Miss  ROYLE 
Yes-s-s!    Yes-s-s! 

[They  disappear.  Again  darkness  shuts 
down.] 

SCENE  3:    ROBIN  HOOD'S  BARN 

The  strains  of  the  hand-organ  are  full  of  tender  long- 
ing.  A  faint  Ught  grows  at  one  side.  Into  it,  walk 
ing  slowly,  come  GWENDOLYN  and  her  father. 

GWENDOLYN 
Father! 

FATHER 

Be  brave,  dear.    We'll  soon  be  out  of  the  woods. 

GWENDOLYN 
Is  Robin  Hood's  Barn  near,  father? 

FATHER 
Yes,  dear,  right  here!    Rest — rest — rest! 

[They  go.  Behind  them,  a  score  of  trees, 
ranged  in  a  semi-circle,  suddenly  show 
countless  fruit-like  globes  of  light.  And 

183 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

the  Barn  can  be  dimly  seen — a  picture- 
book  structure,  with  a  wide  double  door, 
and  a  small,  square  window  that  is  set 
high  up  near  the  roof.  Under  the  win- 
dom,  among  some  hollyhocks,  is  a  huge 
rubbish-can.  On  the  farther  side  of  the 
door  is  a  hollow  log.  Long,  leafy 
branches  bend  down  toward  the  Barn 
from  either  side.  As  the  lights  grow 
brighter,  THEY  appear,  coming  from  be 
hind  the  Barn,  and  move  forward,  shift 
ing  and  swaying.] 

THEY 

[Each  of  four  speaking  in  turn] 
Well,  we've  been  around  again.     Well,  we've  been 
around    again.     Well,    we've    been    around    again. 
Well,  we've  been  around  again. 

THE  FIFTH 
Around  the  Barn. 

THE  TEACHERS 

[Calling  from  among  the  trees] 
Quack!     Quack!     Quack!     Quack!     Quack! 

[THEY  stare  at  one  another  in  astonish 
ment] 

THE  PLUMBER 
[Scolding  at  the  TEACHERS.] 

Hey!    Move  along!     Shoo,  there!    Waddle,  I  sayl 

Come !     Hurry  up ! 

[The  TEACHERS  appear,  driven  by  the 

184 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

PLUMBER,    whose    hands    are    full    of 
money.] 

THEY 
[Shocked.'] 
What  an  unheard-of  proceeding! 

THE  PLUMBER 
Say,  go  on!    Jolly  up  these  swells! 

THE  FRENCH  TEACHER 
[To  THEY.] 
Bon  j our !    Quack !    Quack ! 

[She  goes  toward  the  door  of  the  Barn.] 

THEY 
[Bowing.] 
Bon  jour! 

THE  GERMAN  TEACHER 
Wie  geht  es !    Quack !    Quack ! 

[She  follows  the  FRENCH  TEACHER.] 

THEY 
Ganz  gut! 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
Pleased  to  meet  you.    Quack!    Quack! 

THEY 
How  do  you  do! 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 
One,  two,  three,  quack!    One,  two,  three,  quack! 

185 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THEY 
Your  dancing  is  perfect! 

[To  one  another.'] 

What  very  nice  ducks !     Such  a  competent  and  oblig 
ing  staff! 

THE  PLUMBER 

[Driving  the  TEACHERS  through  the  Barn 
door.'] 

Hey !     Go  on !     Go  on !     In  you  go, — and  I  hope  the 
hobbies  kick  you  to  pieces ! 

THEY 

[Catching  sight  of  the  PLUMBER'S  hands.] 
Oh,  what  a  lot  of  money  you  have! 

THE  PLUMBER 

[Taking  bills  out  of  one  pocket  and  stuff 
ing  them  into  another.'] 

Yep !    You  bet  I  have ! 

THEY 

Yes,   indeed!    Quite   a   fortune!    What   are   your 
plans? 

THE  PLUMBER 
[Impudently.] 
Don't  let  that  worry  you. 

[He  goes  up  to  the  door  of  the  Barn,  sits, 
and  continues  to  count  his  money.] 

186 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THEY 

But  where  is  that  Bird?  This  is  very  curious !  He's 
never  been  late  before.  And  now,  when  there's  so 
much  to  tell — ! 

[THEY  stop  suddenly,  hearing  the  voice 

of  the  KING'S  ENGLISH.] 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 

[Singing.] 

"Oh,  Tommy,  Tommy  Atkins,  you're  a  good  'un 
heart  and  hand — " 

[He  limps  on.    Seeing  THEY,  he  stops  in 

the  middle  of  a  bar,  and  grins  sheepishly. 

The  LITTLE  BIRD  is  fast  asleep.] 

THEY 

[Horrified.] 
Can  we  credit  our  senses? 

[The  PLUMBER  looks  up.] 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[To  THEY.] 

I — I  fancied  you  wouldn't  like  it.  Haw,  haw!  But 
— er — I'm  under  the  painful  necessity  of  telling  you 
that  henceforth  the  Bird — 

[He  holds  out  his  right  arm.] 
— doesn't  have  to  work  for  you  any  more. 
[The  LITTLE  BIRD  snores.] 

THEY 
Asleep? 

[The  KING'S  ENGLISH  nods.] 

187 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

Back  to  your  duty,  Little  Bird! 

[The  LITTLE  BIRD  snores  again.] 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
[Coming  to  THEY  and  pointing  at  the 
LITTLE  BIRD'S  tail.] 
Please  to  notice. 

THEY 

[Falling  back,  aghast.] 
The  salt!    Gone!  ' 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 
And  now  for  some  much  needed  slumber. 

[He  goes  up  to  the  Barn,  seats  himself 
among  the  hollyhocks,  and  shuts  his  eyes.] 

THEY 

[Sadly.] 

Well,  I  suppose  we  must  go  around  and  tell  it  our 
selves. 

[THEY  start  away,  chanting  musically.] 
Uxtra!  Uxtra!  All  about  the  lubble-lubble  in  Aw 
Street!  Uxtra!  Uxtra! 

[As  they  disappear  from  sight,  the  OR 
GAN-GRINDER  and  the  BEAR  enter,  and 
halt  in  an  attitude  of  listening.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Sh !    Do  you  hear  it  ? 

[There  sounds  the  loud  buzzing  of  the 
Bee.] 

188 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL, 

THE  BEAR 

[Nodding.] 
Rar-rar! 

[MOTHER  appears  from  around  a  corner 
of  the  Barn,  her  look  fixed  steadily  on  the 
bonnet  she  carries.] 

MOTHER 

The  Bee!     The  Bee!     The  social  honey-gathering 
insect ! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Hurrying  to  meet  her.] 
Madam!     Stop  for  a  moment! 

THE  BEAR 
[Imploringly] 
Lady! 

MOTHER 

[Scarcely  pausing] 

Not  now !     Not  now !     I  must  go  around.     The  Bee ! 
The  Bee!     The  Bee! 

[She  follows  THEY.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
[Sadly] 

The  first  to  circle  it  were  ladies  who  used  feather 

dusters  on  the  parlor  furniture. 

[GWENDOLYN,  the  DOCTOR  and  FATHER 
now  emerge  from  the  woods.  GWENDO 
LYN  is  walking] 

189 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  Robin  Hood's  Barn! 

FATHER 

[To  the  DOCTOR.] 
What  strange  ideas  in  this  little  head! 

GWENDOLYN 

[To  the  ORGAN-GRINDER.] 
Oh,  Mr.  Man-Who-Makes-Faces,  is  my  mother  here? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
By-and-by.     Presently.     Later  on. 

GWENDOLYN 

[To  FATHER  and  the  DOCTOR.] 
Oh,  my  mother  isn't  here! 

Miss  ROYLE 
[From  among  the  trees. ,] 
Yes-s-s!    Yes-s-s!    Don't  worry  mother. 

GWENDOLYN 
[Frightened.] 
Oh,  that  snake  has  followed  us ! 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  GWENDOLYN.] 
Same  old  snake!    But  we're  not  afraid  of  it. 

[Miss  ROYLE  glides  into  sight,  simpering 
and  hissing] 

190 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 

[Advancing  to  meet  her.] 
What  are  you  doing  here? 

Miss  ROYLE 
I  want  my  darling  Gwennie.    Yes-s-s! 

FATHER 
Go  away!    You  worry  her. 

[Miss  ROYLE  turns  to  leave.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
Wait  I    I  want  to  ask  one  question,  Miss  Royle. 

Miss  ROYLE 

Oh,  Doctor,  it  was  all  Jane's  fault!    Ask  her,  sir. 
She's  here.    Yes-s-s ! 

FATHER 
[Calling.] 

Jane! 

[As  all  turn  to  look  for  JANE,  Miss 
ROYLE  steals  away  to  the  log,  and  disap 
pears  into  it.] 

JANE 

[Breathlessly] 
Oh,  laws!    Oh!    Oh! 

[She  comes  waltzing  forward  weakly] 
I  can't  dance  another  step ! 

191 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  JANE.] 

I  want  to  know  just  how  much  of  that  medicine  you 
gave  the  child. 

JANE 

[Whining.'] 
I  didn't  give  her  none! 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  FATHER.] 
Oh,  if  there  were  only  some  way  to  get  at  the  truth! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
Ladies  and  Gents! 

ALL 
Oh,  the  Little  Bird! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
I  can  tell  you  all  about  it. 

ALL 
Good!    Splendid!    Come  here! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

[Pecking  the  KING'S  ENGLISH  on  the 
cheek.} 
Wake  up,  English!    Wake  up! 

[The  KING'S  ENGLISH  rises  sleepily,  rub 
bing  at  his  eyes.} 

192 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

[Shaking  a  finger  at  JANE.] 
The  Little  Bird  is  going  to  tell  on  you! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

Ladies  and  Gents,  now  that  the  salt  is  off  my  tail,  I'd 
like  to  make  a  clean  breast  of  it. 

ALL 

[Applauding.'] 
A  clean  breast  of  it! 

THE  KING'S  ENGLISH 

Charmed,  I'm  sure! 

[He  produces  a  white  handkerchief,  with 
which  he  wipes  the  black  streak  from  the 
LITTLE  BIRD'S  breast.] 

There!    .Your  breast  is  clean,  Little  Bird! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
Doctor!    Here!    The  child  took  one  teaspoonful — 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Horrified.] 
A  teaspoonful! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
Then  Jane  made  her  take  another. 

THE  DOCTOR 
Two!    Oh! 

193 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 

[Turning  upon  JANE.] 
You  wretched  girl! 

JANE 
I  never! 

•  THE  LITTLE  BIRD 

[To  JANE.] 
You  hold  your  tongue ! 

[JANE  thrusts  out  the  tongue  of  one  face 

and  holds  it.~\ 

Doc-tor!  Here! — It  seems  Jane  was  in  the  habit  of 
givin'  the  little  one  quietin'  drops  to  get  her  asleep 
early,  and  off  her  hands. 

JANE 

That  ain't  so! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
You  hold  your  other  tongue ! 

[JANE  obeys.'} 

Doctor!  Doctor! — This  medicine  wasn't  the  usual 
kind.  So  Jane  gave  her  an  over-dose. 

THE  DOCTOR 
Over-dose ! 

FATHER 
Oh,  how  could  she  do  such  a  terrible  thing! 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
Because  she's  empty-headed. 

W 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Empty-headed ! 

[JANE  makes  an  inarticulate  denial.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Easy  to  prove! 

GWENDOLYN 
How? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

Put  a  flea  in  her  ear! 

GWENDOLYN 
A  flea? 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 

[To  the  BEAR.] 

Puffy! 

THE  BEAR 

Glad  to  oblige  you. 

[He  scratches  behind  an  ear.] 

Rar-rar-rar! 

[There  is  a  tense  wait.  Then  the  BEAR 
finds  one.  The  ORGAN-GRINDER  takes  it 
from  him,  and  crosses  quickly  to  JANE.] 

THE  LITTLE  BIRD 
You'll  see!    It'll  go  in  one  ear,  and  out  the  other! 

JANE 

[Letting  go  of  both  tongues] 
Say!    What're  you  doin'? 

[The  ORGAN-GRINDER  puts  the  flea  into 
her  ear.  The  DOCTOR  watches  the  other] 

195 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 

[Excitedly.] 
Here  it  comes! 

[Looking  up  among  the  branches.] 
There  it  goes ! 

[With  his  professional  manner] 
The  operation  was  successful! 

[There  is  general  rejoicing] 

FATHER 
[To  JANE.] 
You  shall  be  punished  as  you  deserve! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Make  her  dance.     She  can't  last  much  longer. 

GWENDOLYN 
Mr.  Piper! 

JANE 

Oh,  no!     No!     Don't  make  me  dance!     Oh,  I  can't 
stand  it!     Oh! 

THE  POLICEMAN 
Play  a  jig,  Piper! 

[The  Piper  plays] 

JANE 

[Dancing  weakly] 
Oh,  Piper!    Not  a  jig!    Oh! 

[The  DOCTOR  and  FATHER  watch  her. 
The  others  join  in  the  dancing  gaily] 

196 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

ALL 
Ah!    Weaker  and  weaker! 

JANE 

Oh,  shame  on  you!     Oh! 

ALL 
Weaker  and  weaker! 

JANE 

Oh,  I'm— worn— out!     Oh!    Oh! 

IS  he  stops,  and  sways  from  side  to  side.] 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Give  her  the  last  straw! 

GWENDOLYN 
Yes!    The  last  straw! 

[The  ORGAN-GRINDER  takes  a  straw  from 
the  KING'S  ENGLISH  and  places  it  on 
JANE'S  shoulder.  The  BEAR  catches  her 
as  she  falls.] 

GWENDOLYN 
What  shall  we  do  with  her? 

THE  BEAR 

I'm  going  to  throw  her  into  the  rubbish-can. 

ALL 
The  rubbish-can! 

[The  BEAR  throws  JANE  into  the  can  and 
puts  on  the  cover.] 

197 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  she's  gone!    She's  gone! 

FATHER 

[To  GWENDOLYN.] 
She'll  never  trouble  you  again. 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Measuring  GWENDOLYN.] 
Ninety-seven! 

[The   loud   buzzing   of   the   Bee   again 
sounds  from  beyond  the  log.] 

FATHER 
Her  mother  must  know! 

[He  starts  away.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[To  DOCTOR.] 
Oh,  my  mother's  coming! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes,  your  mother  is  here,  little  girl. 

[MOTHER   comes   into   sight   as   before. 
THEY  are  walking  behind  her.] 

FATHER 
[To  MOTHER.] 
Dear!    Come! 

[He   takes   her   hand,   guiding   her   to 
GWENDOLYN.] 

198 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 
Oh,  how  is  she?    How  is  she? 

FATHER 
Speak  to  her. 

MOTHER 

[Holding  out  her  hands.] 
Oh,  Gwendolyn,  my  little  daughter ! 

GWENDOLYN 

[With  outstretched  arms.] 
Mother !     Mother !— Ah ! 

[As  their  fingers  are  about  to  touch,  the 
Bee  buzzes.     GWENDOLYN  shrinks  back.] 

MOTHER 

Oh,  come  to  me,  dearest!     Let  me  put  my  arms 
around  you.     Come!     Come! 

[She  holds  out  her  hands  again.     The 

Bee  buzzes  angrily.] 

GWENDOLYN 
I  want  to  come  to  you,  but — 

[She  watches  the  bonnet  in  fear.] 

MOTHER 
Don't  be  afraid  of  Mother!     You'll  break  my  heart! 

GWENDOLYN 
I'm  not  afraid  of  you.     It's — ihat ! 

[She  points  at  the  bonnet.] 

199 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 
Doctor!     She's  afraid  of  me!    Afraid  of  me! 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  MOTHER.] 

It's  the  Bee  she's  afraid  of.     Won't  you  give  it  up? 
[THEY  show  much  concern.] 

MOTHER 
It's  a  good  Bee.     The  very  best  people  like  this  Bee. 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  FATHER.] 
You  ask  her — for  the  child's  sake ! 

FATHER 

Ah,  Doctor,  I've  never  felt  I  could  ask  my  wife  to 
give  up  that  sort  of  thing. 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  GWENDOLYN.] 
Then,  little  girl,  you  ask  her. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  mother,  how  can  you  like  it? 

MOTHER 
I  like  it  for  your  sake. 

GWENDOLYN 
For  my  sake? 

200 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 
You'll  understand  some  day. 

GWENDOLYN 
You  mean — it  would  help  me? 

MOTHER 

Oh,  yes.     A  mother  with  a  growing  daughter  must 

think  of  this. 

[As  GWENDOLYN  leans  down  to  the  bon 
net,  the  Bee  buzzes  angrily.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[Shrinking."] 

But,  mother,  it  hates  me !  It  hates  me !  See  how  it 
keeps  me  away  from  you! 

MOTHER 
But  later  on,  when  you're  grown  up — 

GWENDOLYN 

When  I'm  grown  up!  Now  I  know  what  terrible 
things  it's  done  to  me!  It  makes  me  ride  in  the 
motor,  and  keeps  me  from  going  to  school  with  other 
girls  and  boys.  And  it  won't  let  me  sit  at  the 
grown-up  table,  or  see  father  every  day,  or  have  you 
sing  me  to  sleep.  And  oh,  that  doesn't  matter  so 
much,  but,  mother,  it  keeps  father  in  harness;  and 
he'll  never  get  rid  of  the  harness  till  you  give  up  the 
bee.  Oh,  mother,  give  it  up  if  you  love  me — if  you 
love  me! 

[She  bursts  into  sobs.~\ 

201 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 

Oh,  my  little  daughter!    My  poor  little   girl!    I 
thought  I  was  doing  my  best  for  you.     And  I  was 
only  making  you  unhappy.     Well, — I'll  put  it  aside. 
[She  sets  the  bonnet  on  the  ground.'] 

THEY 
[Shocked.] 
Ah! 

MOTHER 

[Turning,  and  putting  out  her  arms.] 
Gwendolyn ! 

GWENDOLYN 
Mother!    Mother!     Mother! 

[They  embrace.] 

MOTHER 

My  dearest!     My  dearest! 

[MOTHER  and  GWENDOLYN  murmur  to 
each  other  tenderly.  THEY  come  for 
ward  swiftly.] 

THE  SECOND  SOCIETY  WOMAN 

[To  MOTHER.] 
Madam ! 

[MOTHER  lifts  her  head  and,  still  holding 
GWENDOLYN,  half  turns  to  look  at 
THEY.] 

THEY 
Madam!    You're  making  a  great  mistake! 

202 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 

[Drawing  away  from  GWENDOLYN.] 
What? 

THEY 
It's  wiser  to  keep  the  Bee. 

MOTHER 

[Drawing  farther  away.] 
The  Bee!    The  Bee! 

[She  reaches  out  a  hand  to  touch  the  bon 
net.] 

GWENDOLYN 

No !    No !    Oh,  don't  look  at  it !    Don't  listen !    Oh, 
mother,  don't  touch  it! 

[She  clings  to  MOTHER.] 

THEY 
Don't  make  a  scene.     It's  common! 

MOTHER 
[To  THEY.] 

She's  closed  my  ears  to  you,  too.     I'll  never  hear  you 
again. 

THEY 

But  think  of  her  future.     She  should  go  into  the 
smartest  little  set. 

MOTHER 

Say  what  you  like,  I  don't  care!     I'm  through  with 
the  Bee.     It's  never  brought  me  any  real  happiness. 

203 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

It's  almost  cost — her  life.     I  give  it  up!    I  give  it 
up!    I  give  it  up! 

[She  embraces  GWENDOLYN.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Mother! 

MOTHER 

Dearest !    They  will  never  come  between  you  and  me 
again! 

THEY 

[Shrugging.'] 

We're  not  surprised.     Just  an  ordinary  country  girl, 
with  absolutely  no  culture. 

[Each  of  four  speaking  in  turn.] 
Isn't  she  vulgar!     Isn't  she  vulgar!    Isn't  she  vul 
gar!    Isn't  she  vulgar! 

THE  FIFTH 
Horrid! 

[The  PLUMBER  advances  and  stares  down 
at  the  bonnet.] 

MOTHER 
Take  it  away! 

THE  PLUMBER 
Take  it? 

[He  thrusts  both  hands  into  his  pockets, 
brings  out  large  rolls  of  bills,  puts  them 
back,  and  picks  up  the  bonnet.  The  mo 
ment  he  touches  it,  he  is  fascinated,  and 
does  not  take  his  eyes  from  it.] 

204, 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

Do  I  like  it?    Well,  I  guess!    De  Bee!    De  Bee! 
De  Bee! — Now,  where's  dem  Ducks? 

[He  opens  the  door  of  the  Barn,  and  the 

TEACHERS  come  filing  out.] 

THE  FRENCH  TEACHER 
[To  the  PLUMBER.] 
Parlez-vous  Frai^ais?     Quack,  quack! 

THE  PLUMBER 
Learn  me  dat. 

THE  GERMAN  TEACHER 

Sprechen  Sie  Deutsch?     Quack,  quack! 

THE  PLUMBER 
Yes,  learn  me  Dutch. 

THE  Music  TEACHER 
Quack!     And  my  music? — quack! 

THE  PLUMBER 
Yes,  and  music. 

THE  DANCING  MASTER 

Quack!     One,  two,  three,  quack!     One,  two,  three, 
quack ! 

THE  PLUMBER 
Yes,  and  dancin'. 

[The  KING'S  ENGLISH  presses  forward.] 
No,  you  don't!    No,  you  don't! 

[He  shoves  the  KING'S  ENGLISH  back] 
I  talk  English  good  enough.     Ha,  de  Bee!    De  Bee! 

205 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THEY 

[Bowing  to  him.~\ 

I  congratulate  you.     I  congratulate  you.     I  congrat 
ulate  you. 

THE  PLUMBER 
Don't  mention  it. 

THEY 

[Each  of  four  speaking  in  turn.'} 
Come!     Come!     Come!     Come! 

THE  FIFTH 
Follow! 

THE  PLUMBER 

De  Bee !    De  Bee !    De  Bee ! 

[THEY  go,  accompanied  by  the  PLUMBER 
and  the  TEACHERS.] 

FATHER 
[To  MOTHER.] 

Well,  dear? 

MOTHER 

Oh,  take  that  off! 

[Slipping  a  strap  of  the  harness  from  his 
shoulder.] 

You'll  never  wear  it  again.     Not  for  my  sake! 

[The  harness  falls  to  the  ground.  FA 
THER  and  MOTHER  embrace,  while  the 
BEAR  tosses  the  harness  into  the  rubbish- 
can.] 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Father!    Mother! 

[She  clings  to  them.] 
I  wish  we  were  home ! 

MOTHER 
We'll  go  home,  dearest. 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes,  home!    We'll  ride  my  hobbies  home! 

GWENDOLYN 

Hobbies? 

FATHER 
[To  MOTHER.] 

Come! 

[The  ORGAN-GRINDER  strikes  up  a  lively 
tune,  the  DOCTOR  smugs  open  the  Door 
of  the  Barn,  and  the  five  hobby  horses 
circle  into  sight.  These  resemble  the 
hobbies  of  the  merry-go-round.'} 

THE  DOCTOR 

[To  MOTHER.] 
Yes,  come!  Come! 

[To  the  hobbies.} 

Fresh  Air!     Exercise!    Plain  Food!    Good  Earth! 
Warm  Sun! 

MOTHER 
[To  FATHER.] 
We'll  ride  them  together. 

[They  go  up,  hand  in  hand.} 

'207 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 
Fresh  Air !     Good  Earth ! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Come!    We'll  ride! 

[GWENDOLYN  turns  back  to  bid  the  OR 
GAN-GRINDER  farewell,  and  Miss  ROYLE 
comes  gliding  out  of  the  log.  The  DOC 
TOR,  the  BEAR,  FATHER  and  MOTHER 
mount  the  hobbies. ] 

ALL 

Whoa,    Good    Earth!     Stop,    Fresh    Air!    Whoa, 
Warm  Sun!    Whoa,  Exercise!    Plain  Food! 

GWENDOLYN 
Good-bye,  Mr.  Man- Who-Makes-Faces !     Good-bye ! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Good-bye  I    You'll  hear  me  again  after  a  while. 

GWENDOLYN 
Good-bye! 

[As  she  turns  to  enter  the  Barn,  Miss 
ROYLE  rises,  hissing,  and  blocks  the  way.~] 

Miss  ROYLE 
Yes-s-s-s ! 

[She  swings  the  Barn  door  to.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh!    Oh! 

208 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MlSS   ROYLE 

Yes-s-s!     Don't  worry  mother!     Yes-s-s! 

GWENDOLYN 

[Calling  up  at  the  window.'} 
Oh,  Doctor!     The  Snake!     The  Snake!     Help  me! 

THE  DOCTOR 

[Looking  out  of  the  window.] 
Reach  up!     I'll  pull  you  through! 

GWENDOLYN 

[Climbing  to  the  top  of  the  rubbish-can.] 
Oh,  can  you? 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes !    Yes !     I'll  pull  you  through !     Come ! 

[He  reaches  across  the  sill  and  lifts 
GWENDOLYN  into  the  Barn.  A  great 
shout  goes  up.  The  music  swells.  And 
out  of  the  rear  of  the  Barn  rush  the  hob 
bies,  each  with  its  rider.] 

FATHER 
[Riding  first] 
He  pulled  her  through! 

MOTHER 
[Following] 
He  pulled  her  through ! 

THE  BEAR 
He  pulled  her  through! 

209 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
I've  pulled  her  through! 

GWENDOLYN 
He  pulled  me  through! 

THE  ORGAN-GRINDER 
Hurrah!    Hurrah!    He  pulled  her  through! 


[CURTAIN] 


ACT  III 
GWENDOLYN'S  NURSERY 

The  curtain  rises  on  what  seems  to  be  Robin  Hood's 
Barn.  For  there,  ranged  in  a  semi-circle,  are  the 
trees  with  the  fruit-like  globes  of  light.  But  now  the 
trees  are  very  small.  Among  them  is  a  single  light 
that  is  larger  than  any  one  of  the  tiny  globes.  It  is 
a  night-lamp,  burning  on  a  bed-side  table.  Beside 
the  lamp  is  a  clock. 

The  tree-lights  fade  and  go,  leaving  only  the  night- 
lamp.  Then  the  trees  are  seen  to  be  the  dado  on  a 
wall.  Next,  the  outlines  of  a  bed  show.  The  bed 
has  a  canopy,  and  this  top  of  pleated  silk  very  re 
motely  suggests  the  roof  of  the  Barn.  Near  the 
head  of  the  bed  is  a  window;  close  to  its  foot  is  a  door. 
Curtains  of  cretonne  are  drawn  across  both  window 
and  door,  and  the  foliage  of  their  pattern  is  not  un 
like  the  long  leafy  branches  that  bent  down  to  the 
Barn  from  either  side.  Between  the  bed  and  the 
door  is  a  couch.  At  one  end  of  the  couch  stands  a 
globe,  while  scattered  about  on  it,  among  some  pil 
lows,  are  several  toys:  An  English  soldier  in  a  scar 
let  coat  and  a  busby;  a  jointed  snake;  a  uniformed 
man  who  stands  on  his  head;  and  four  small  yellow 
ducks.  Beside  the  toys  is  a  dictionary;  also,  the 

merry-go-round. 

211 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

A  dressing-table  stands  near  the  window.  On  it  are 
a  Doctor's  bag,  a  hypodermic  case,  and  a  glass  in 
which  is  some  colorless  liquid.  Beside  the  glass  is  a 
spoon.  Towels  are  scattered  about  over  the  dresser. 
Three  silent  figures  are  waiting  in  the  dim  light  by 
the  bed.  And  on  the  bed  is  a  little  figure — very  still. 
Suddenly  the  curtains  of  the  window  are  drawn  aside 
by  the  DOCTOR,  who  is  in  evening-dress,  but  has  Ms 
coat  off  and  his  sleeves  rolled  up.  The  light  of  early 
morning  floods  the  room,  and  shines  into  the  anxious 
faces  of  FATHER  and  MOTHER,  who  are  standing  at 
the  foot  of  the  bed,  leaning  to  watch  GWENDOLYN. 
Her  face  is  turned  away  from  the  window.  Her 
eyes  are  shut. 

A  moment,  and  she  moves.  With  a  deep,  sobbing 
breath,  MOTHER  draws  back  from  the  bed.  And 
FATHER  puts  his  arms  about  her,  as  if  to  quiet  any 
outburst.  He  watches  the  DOCTOR,  who  makes  a 
quick  movement  toward  GWENDOLYN,  and  a  warning 
gesture  for  silence.  Gently,  FATHER  leads  MOTHER 
farther  away.  She  hides  her  face  against  his  breast. 
The  DOCTOR  listens  to  GWENDOLYN'S  breathing,  using 
a  stethoscope.  He  feels  her  pulse.  Then  leaves  the 
bed,  watching  back  as  he  goes.  MOTHER'S  face  is 
still  hidden.  FATHER'S  eyes  are  averted.  The  DOC 
TOR  comes  to  them,  and  touches  FATHER'S  arm.  As 
FATHER  and  MOTHER  turn  to  him  in  agonized  in 
quiry,  he  smiles  his  good  news. 

MOTHER 

Oh,  my  baby!  My  baby!  My  little  one!  My 
dearest ! 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 
Sh !    Better,  dear ;  better. 

[He  pats  MOTHER'S  shoulder,  facing 
away  from  the  DOCTOR  to  hide  his  tears. 
The  DOCTOR  brushes  at  his  own  eyes. 
Then,  as  FATHER  and  MOTHER  turn  to 
him  again,  he  grasps  each  by  a  hand. 
They  thank  him  silently.  He  motions 
them  toward  the  bed.  They  steal  to  it, 
and  again  lean  to  look  at  GWENDOLYN. 
Across  from  them  bends  the  DOCTOR. 
There  is  a  moment's  wait.  Then  GWEN 
DOLYN  sighs.  MOTHER  and  FATHER  ex 
change  quick  looks,  smile  and  clasp  each 
other  by  the  hand.  The  DOCTOR  nods 
happily,  and  takes  GWENDOLYN'S  hand. 
She  opens  her  eyes,  looks  past  him,  then 
sees  FATHER  and  MOTHER.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
Well,  little  girl? 

[Her  glance  comes  back  to  him.  He 
raises  her  slightly  by  raising  the  pillow 
under  her  head] 

GWENDOLYN 
[Smiling  faintly.] 
You — pulled  me  through! 

MOTHER 

[Kneeling  and  burying  her  face  in  the 
covers  of  the  bed] 
Oh,  my  baby !     My  dearest ! 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 

[Gently  to  MOTHER.] 
This  won't  do,  dear. 

[The  DOCTOR  feels  GWENDOLYN'S  pulse.] 

GWENDOLYN 

[Anxiously.'} 
Mother! 

[She  reaches  to  touch  MOTHER'S  hair.] 
Why  do  you  feel  bad? 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Hastily.'] 
Mother's  crying  because  she's  happy. 

MOTHER 

[Smiling  through  her  tears.] 

Oh,  so  happy,  dear!     So  terribly  happy!     Just  to 
know  I've  got  you,  my  brave  little  daughter ! 

FATHER 
And  father  never  was  so  happy ! 

THE  DOCTOR 

We're  all  pretty  happy,  eh?    Now  tell  me — just  how 
does  my  small  patient  feel? 

GWENDOLYN 
Well,  I— I  feel  hungry. 

[ALL  laugh  with  relief.    MOTHER  rises. 
FATHER  rushes  to  touch  a  bell.] 

214 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
Oh,  that's  a  fine  sign ! 

MOTHER 

Oh,  what  would  you  like,  my  dearest?     Doctor,  what 
can  she  have? 

THE  DOCTOR 

Anything  simple  will  do. 

FATHER 
Potter  will  have  something  ready. 

THE  DOCTOR 

[Taking  out  a  thermometer.'] 
Now,  until  your  breakfast  gets  here — 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  you  want  to  measure  me ! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Well,  you  might  call  it  that. 

[He    puts    the    thermometer    into    her 
mouth.] 

I'm  afraid  there  can't  be  any  more  talking  for  a 
minute. 

[GWENDOLYN  looks  across  at  the  toys  on 

the  couch.] 

FATHER 

Do  you  want  your  toys,  dear? 
[GWENDOLYN  nods.] 

215 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

Well,  here's  your  soldier  man. 

[GWENDOLYN  examines  the  soldier  curi 
ously.'] 

MOTHER 
And  here's  your  policeman. 

[GWENDOLYN  stands  the  Policeman  on 
his  head.} 

FATHER 
And  here's  your  ducks,  and  your  snake. 

[GWENDOLYN  seizes  the  snake  and  throws 
it  from  her.  FATHER  and  the  DOCTOR 
nod  at  each  other,  understanding.} 

MOTHER 
And  here's  the  new  one  father  got. 

[She  brings  the  merry-go-round.  GWEN 
DOLYN  puts  out  a  finger  and  sets  it  to 
circling.} 

GWENDOLYN 

[Forgetting  the  DOCTOR'S  orders.} 
Wobin  Hoo's  Bar — 

[The  thermometer  falls  to  the  coverlet. 
She  catches  it  up  and  restores  it  to  her 
mouth.} 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Shaking  a  finger.} 
No  talking! 

[GWENDOLYN  begins  to  look  about  her, 

216 


THE  POPE  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

searching.  The  others  follow  her  look. 
Suddenly  the  DOCTOR  catches  sight  of  the 
Teddy  bear  behind  a  pillow.  He  gives  it 
to  her,  and  she  clasps  it  to  her  breast. 
POTTER  enters  softly,  watching  GWENDO 
LYN  anxiously.  His  face  is  drawn,  his 
clothes  are  disheveled,  and  have  not  been 
changed  since  the  previous  evening.] 

POTTER 

[Whispering  to  FATHER.] 
How  is  she,  sir? 

FATHER 

Ready  for  her  breakfast,  Potter! 

POTTER 
Oh! — Good  morning,  Miss  Gwennie. 

[He  bows,  wiping  at  his  eyes.  GWEN 
DOLYN  nods  to  him,  while  FATHER  gives 
him  an  order  in  a  low  voice.  The  DOCTOR 
comes  to  read  the  thermometer.'] 

THE  DOCTOR 
Urn!     Better. 

[POTTER  goes,  smiling  back  at  GWENDO 
LYN  happily,  and  wiping  his  eyes.~\ 

MOTHER 
How  high  is  it  now,  Doctor? 

THE  DOCTOR 
Just  right. 

[He  hands  the  thermometer  to  FATHER, 
who  shows  it  to  MOTHER.] 

217 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Do  you  mean  I'm  taller? 

THE  DOCTOR 
Well,  you're  just  as  high  as  I  want  you  to  be. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  the  sun  is  up ! 

MOTHER 

[Going  to  draw  aside  a  curtain  J[ 
Do  you  want  to  see  the  sky,  dear? 

GWENDOLYN 

Father,  is  it  always  the  same  piece  of  Heaven  there 
through  the  window? 

FATHER 
No,  dear. 

[He  turns  to  the  globe.] 

The  earth  is  turning,  like  your  globe;  and  every  mo 
ment  you  see  a  new  square. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh !    It's  as  blue  as  the  sky  at  Johnnie  Blake's ! 

THE  DOCTOR 

And  now  that  I've  got  a  breathing  spell,  I  think  I'd 
better  see  about  getting  a  good  nurse. 

GWENDOLYN 
[startled.] 
A  nurse? 

218 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes. 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  be  sure  to  look  at  the  back  of  her  head! 

THE  DOCTOR 
We'll  examine  her  very  carefully. 

FATHER 
[Anxiously, ,] 
Doctor,  do  you  think  the  delirium — ? 

THE  DOCTOR 

Don't  worry.     Things  are  pretty  real  to  her,  that's 
all. 

[He  starts  to  go.~\ 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  Doctor! 

[He  stops.] 
Are  you  going  away? 

MOTHER 
Just  downstairs,  dear. 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Coming  back.] 
You  like  this  Doctor,  don't  you? 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  yes!    I'm  never  going  to  be  afraid  of  doctors 
any  more,  nor  policemen  either. 

219 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
That's  right. 

[Taking  FATHER  aside. ] 

Some  of  the  poison  that  Jane  gave  didn't  come  out 
of  a  bottle. 

FATHER 
Poison? 

THE  DOCTOR 

Jane  fed  her  liberally  on  the  worst  poison  of  all — 
fear. 

[POTTER  enters  with  a  tray,  on  which  is  a 
covered  silver  dish.] 
Ah!  here's  breakfast  already! 

[The  DOCTOR  goes  out.] 

POTTER 
I  was  getting  this  ready  for  you,  Madam. 

[He  carries  the  tray  to  GWENDOLYN.] 

GWENDOLYN 
[Sniffing.] 
M'm!    It  smells  good! 

MOTHER 
[To  FATHER.] 
Isn't  it  splendid  that  she  has  an  appetite! 

FATHER 
Father  feels  like  going  out  and  running  up  a  flag! 

GWENDOLYN 
What  have  you  brought  me,  Potter,  please? 

220 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

POTTER 
Ah,  dear. 

[Uncovering  the  silver  dish.'] 
It's  a  little  bird. 

GWENDOLYN 

[Draws  away,  staring  at  the  tray.} 
A  little  bird! 

POTTER 

Piping  hot  from  the  broiler. 

MOTHER 
Oh,  so  plump  and  tender  and  brown! 

GWENDOLYN 
Er — what  kind  of  a  bird  is  it? 

POTTER 
It  might  be  a  plover,  or  a  quail. 

GWENDOLYN 

[Taking  a  fork  to  poke  the  bird.} 
It  might  be  a — a  talking  bird. 
[FATHER  laughs.} 

MOTHER 
Oh,  no,  dear! 

FATHER 
Try  a  bite  of  it. 

POTTER 
Likely  as  not  it's  a  pigeon. 

221 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
[Startled.] 
A  pigeon? 

[She  lays  the  fork  down  and  pushes  the 
tray  away.] 
Oh, — I  couldn't  eat  a  pigeon! 

FATHER 

[Motioning  POTTER  away.] 
Something  else,  Potter.     Something  else. 

POTTER 
[Going.] 
Broth,  sir? 

FATHER 
Yes. 

POTTER 

[From  the  door.] 

The  gentleman  who  called  last  evening  on  business, 
sir,  is  downstairs. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  the  broker! 

FATHER 

Well,  I  don't  propose  to  miss  this  breakfast-party. 
Gwennie,  may  I  see  him  up  here? 

GWENDOLYN 
Why,  yes! 

FATHER 

Ask  him  to  step  up  here,  Potter. 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

POTTEE 

Yes,  sir.     Broth,  yes;  yes,  broth! 

[He  hurries  out,  beaming."] 

GWENDOLYN 

[Reaching  for  the  ducks."] 

Sprechen  Sie  Deutsch?  Quack,  quack!  Parlez- 
vous  Frai^ais?  Quack,  quack!  Quack!  Don't 
bother  me !  Quack !  quack ! 

FATHER 

Those  teachers  will  never  bother  you  any  more.  I 
know  a  little  girl  who's  going  to  day-school. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  day-school! 

FATHER 

Yes;  and  if  any  questions  come  up  at  home,  I'll  an 
swer  them  myself. 

GWENDOLYN 
Will  you,  father? 

FATHER 
Indeed,  I  will. 

GWENDOLYN 

Then —  would  you  please  tell  me,  what  is  the  mean 
ing  of  absquatulate? 

FATHER 
What,  dear? 

GWENDOLYN 
Absquatulate. 

[Scratching  his  head.     To  MOTHER.] 
Dear, — absquatulate  ? 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 
I  didn't  know  there  was  such  a  word. 

FATHER 

Where's  your  dictionary? 

[ He  goes  to  the  couch.     The  whistle  of  a 
steamer  sounds  from  the  river.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  mother,  there  he  is!     There  he  is! 

MOTHER 
[Looking  out.] 
Who,  dear? 

GWENDOLYN 
The  policeman!     Oh,  mother! 

MOTHER 
That's  not  a  police  whistle,  dear. 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  it's  his  whistle,  when  he  blows  at  the  top  of  his 
lungs ! 

[The  music  of  a  hand-organ  is  heard  in 

the  distance.] 

MOTHER 
Well,  I  don't  see  him,  but  the  organ-grinder  is  there. 

224 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  mother,  wave  to  him. — Father,  he's  made  you  a 
very  happy  face. 

FATHER 

Yes,  dear. 

[Intent  on  the  dictionary.] 

A— b— Ab;  A— b— Ab. 

[Handing    MOTHER    the    dictionary    as 
POTTER  shows  in  the  BROKER.] 

Dear,  there  are  the  Abs. 

THE  BROKER 
Good  morning! 

FATHER 
Oh,  good  morning! 

[They  shake  hands.] 

THE  BROKER 
I'm  terribly  sorry  to  hear  about  this. 

FATHER 
She's  coming  on  splendidly. 

THE  BROKER 
Well,  that's  good. 

[He  looks  at  his  watch.] 
I'm  a  few  minutes  late,  I'm  afraid. 

FATHER 
Doesn't  matter.     I'm  not  going  down  town  to-day. 

225 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  BROKER 
What?    But  that  loan! 

FATHER 
I'm  not  going  to  make  it. 

THE  BROKER 

Good  heavens,  man!  You're  not  in  earnest!  You 
can't  be ! 

FATHER 

Oh,  yes,  very  much  in  earnest.  When  those  fellows 
are  through  with  me,  there'll  be  enough  left  to  carry 
out — 

[He  looks  at  MOTHER.] 
— our  new  plans.     Eh,  dear? 

MOTHER 
Yes. 

[The  BROKER,   appalled,  leans  on   the 
globe.~\ 

GWENDOLYN 
[Frightened."] 

Father! 

[FATHER  crosses  to  her.~] 
My  globe !    My  globe ! 

[FATHER  returns  to  take  up  the  globe 

and  bring  it  to  her.~\ 

THE  BROKER 

But  I  don't  think  you  fully  realize  just  what  this  step 
means  to  you. 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

FATHER 
{Going  to  him.] 

Let  me  tell  you  something:  For  twelve  solid  hours 
we've  been  fighting  here  to  shove  Death  back  and 
back — out  of  this  room.  Some  of  us  have  to  face 
death  before  we  learn  what  is  really  precious  in  life. 

THE  BROKER 
I — I  think  I  understand.     Well, — good  morning! 

[He  bows  to  MOTHER,  who  bows  in  re 
turn.] 

FATHER 
Good  morning. 

[He  shakes  hands  with  the  BROKER.] 

GWENDOLYN 
Good  morning. 

[The  BROKER  goes  out  as  the  DOCTOR 
enters,  reading  a  prescription  pad,  and 
smiling.] 

FATHER 
Doctor,  that  must  be  a  cheerful  prescription. 

THE  DOCTOR 
[Without  looking  up.] 
The  country  is  always  cheerful. 

GWENDOLYN 
Does  the  Doctor  mean  Johnnie  Blake's? 

THE  DOCTOR 
I  prescribe  Johnnie  Blake's. 

227 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  mother! 

[POTTER  enters  with  a  tray,  which  holds 
a  steaming  bowl.  He  takes  the  tray  to 
GWENDOLYN  and  holds  it  for  her,  smiling 
broadly  all  the  while.} 

FATHER 

[To  the  DOCTOR.] 

You're  giving  me   full  instructions  about  what  I 
ought  to  take  along  for  her? 

THE  DOCTOR 

[Seated,  and  writing.] 

Take  some  gingham  dresses,  with  plenty  of  extra 
pieces  for  patches,  and  one  dull  garden  hoe. 

[FATHER  laughs.] 

And  a  bottle  of  three  and  a  half  per  cent  tincture  of 
iodine. 

FATHER 
[Puzzled.'] 
Iodine? 

THE  DOCTOR 
Good  for  blackberry  scratches. 

[Rising  and  crossing  to  GWENDOLYN.] 
Perhaps   you'd  like  to  listen  to   this   prescription, 
young  lady? 

GWENDOLYN 
I — I  hope  it  won't  taste  bad? 

228 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 

Absolutely  tasteless,  and  IVe  arranged  for  a  differ 
ent  kind  every  week.  Shall  we  hear  it?  All  right. 

[Reads.] 

First  week:  Take  every  day  one  hour  quiet  driving 
in  the  sun,  also  one  hour  out-door  napping.  Mix 
both  well  with  listening  to  bird  songs. 

GWENDOLYN 
Why,  that  isn't  medicine! 

THE  DOCTOR 

Oh,  yes,  it  is — the  very  best  kind  of  medicine !  I  in 
sist  that  it  be  administered  regularly.  Second  week: 
One  hour  every  day  gathering  flowers,  one  hour  rid 
ing  fat  pony — 

MOTHER 
[Laughing.] 
Fat  pony! 

THE  DOCTOR 
Add  to  these,  sitting  on  grassy  bank  while  you  fish. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh! 

THE  DOCTOR 

Third  week:  One  hour  chasing  butterflies,  assisted 
by  one  large,  good-natured,  ordinary,  long-haired 
dog. 

GWENDOLYN 
Rover! 

229 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 
Exactly.     Also  one  hour  making  mud-pies. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  I  love  mud! 

THE  DOCTOR 

Then  double  the  dose !  Alternate  with  climbing  hills, 
hat  down  back  on  string.  For  lung  development — 
let  me  see!  We'll  have  some  torn-boy  yelling  twice 
a  day;  also  a  judicious  amount  of  going  barefoot. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  barefoot! 

MOTHER 
Mother  went  barefoot  when  she  was  a  little  girl. 

GWENDOLYN 
[To  the  DOCTOR.] 
And,  oh,  may  I  scuff  in  the  dirt? 

THE  DOCTOR 

Dear  me !  I  prescribe  scuffing,  and  also  suggest  that 
you  wade  the  creek. 

MOTHER 
Oh!    When  can  we  go,  Doctor? 

THE  DOCTOR 
The  sooner,  the  better. 

GWENDOLYN 
[Eagerly.'} 

Oh,  mother!     This  afternoon? 
[ALL  laugh, ,] 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

THE  DOCTOR 

I'd  like  to  see  you  again  this  afternoon,  and  a  couple 
of  times  to-morrow. 

MOTHER 

Just  as  soon  as  my  precious  little  daughter  is  strong 

enough. 

[GWENDOLYN  falls  to  eating.    The  DOC 
TOR  takes  up  his  bag,  preparing  to  go.] 

THE  DOCTOR 
[To  MOTHER.] 
Good-bye. 

MOTHER 

[Holding  out  her  hand.] 

Doctor,  you  brought  her  into  the  world,  and  now 
you've  kept  her  here! 

THE  DOCTOR 
We  fought  for  her  together. 

MOTHER 
[Brokenly.] 
She  was  nearly  lost  through  me! 

FATHER 
Nonsense ! 

MOTHER 

Ah,  I  know!  As  I  listened  all  night  to  those  wild 
little  cries,  those  queer,  queer  things  she  called — my 
baby! — I  saw  myself  as  the  kind  of  mother  I  am.  I 

231 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

trusted  her  life  to  strangers.     Why,  I  scarcely  knew 
Jane's  last  name. 

FATHER 

I'm  going  to  share  the  blame.     I  never  even  took  a 
good,  square  look  at  Jane. 

GWENDOLYN 
Doctor? 

THE  DOCTOR 
Yes,  dear? 

GWENDOLYN 

What  is  a  square  look? 

THE  DOCTOR 
A  square  look?  Well — er — 

[He  bows  to  FATHER.] 

FATHER 
Well,  it  isn't  really  square  like  the  top  of  a  table. 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh! 

FATHER 

It's  the  sort  of  a  look  that  a  good  father  gives  the 
people  he  hires  to  take  care  of  his  small  daughter. 

GWENDOLYN 
Ah! 

THE  DOCTOR 

Good-bye,  little  girl. 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 

Good-bye.     And,  oh,  thank  you  for  letting  me  ride  a 
hobby. 

THE  DOCTOR 
I'll  have  you  riding  all  my  hobbies  yet. 

[FATHER  conducts  the  DOCTOR  to  the 
door.'} 

MOTHER 

[As  POTTER  is  about  to  go.] 

Potter,  you  know  what  we'll  need  in  the  country. 
I'll  leave  all  that  to  you. 

POTTER 
Very  well,  Madam. 

[He  bows  and  crosses  the  room.'} 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  mother,  may  I  take  Puffy? 

MOTHER 
Of  course. 

FATHER 
And,  Potter, — 

[POTTER  halts.] 
— we'll  take  the  dictionary! 

MOTHER 

And  after  this,  put  a  chair  for  Miss  Gwendolyn  at 
our  table. 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

GWENDOLYN 
Oh,  mother! 

[POTTER  goes.  ] 

Oh,  mother,  I'm  so  glad  you've  gotten  rid  of  that — 
that  Bee!! 

[MOTHER  looks  down,  embarrassed.] 

FATHER 
Little  daughter, — 

GWENDOLYN 
Yes,  father? 

FATHER 

We  shan't  speak  of  that  bee  any  more,  shall  we? 

[MOTHER  goes  to  him.  He  kisses  her.] 
We're  going  to  be  happy,  the  three  of  us,  and  what 
ever  stands  in  the  way  of  that  will  have  to  get  out  of 
the  way! 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  it's  so  nice  to  have  you  both  in  the  nursery  with 
me,  and  not  in  a  hurry  to  go !  Oh,  I  was  tired  of  pre 
tending  it. 

MOTHER 
Pretending! 

FATHER 

Mother  and  I  are  tired  of  pretending,  too.  Aren't 
we,  dear? 

MOTHER 

[Kneeling  beside  the  bed.] 

Oh,  darling,  mother  never  guessed  how  lonely  your 
poor  little  heart  was.  But,  oh!  I  never  forgot  you — 

234 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

believe  that,  dearest.  I  loved  you  all  the  time.  And 
I'll  never  leave  you  again.  Never!  Never!  Only 
forgive  mother,  and  she'll  make  it  all  up  to  you,  my 
baby!  All  the  little  heartaches — all  of  them!  All 
of  them!  I'll  make  them  up.  I  will!  I  will! 

GWENDOLYN 

Don't  cry!  Oh,  mother,  don't  cry!  Father,  tell 
mother  not  to  cry, — or  I'll  cry,  too! 

FATHER 
[To  MOTHER.] 
Now!    Now!     This  isn't  good  for  her. 

MOTHER 

[Smiling  through  her  tears.] 
I  know.     I  won't  cry  any  more. 

FATHER 

Now,  I  know  a  certain  little  girl  who  must  have  some 
sleep. 

GWENDOLYN 
Me? 

FATHER 
Yes,  you. 

[He  draws  the  curtains  across  the  win 
dow.     The  room  darkens. ~\ 

MOTHER 
Try,  darling!    And,  oh,  have  happy  dreams! 

GWENDOLYN 
Will  you  sing  to  me,  mother,  on  this  side? 

235 


THE  POOR  LITTLE  RICH  GIRL 

MOTHER 
(Yes,  dearest.     Mother  will  sing  to  you. 

GWENDOLYN 

Oh,  father, — mother,  the  Dearest  Pretend  has  come 
true! 

[FATHER  leans  to  arrange  her  pillows. ~\ 

MOTHER 
[Sings.] 

"Sweet  and  low — 

Sweet  and  low — 

Wind  of  the  Western  sea — " 

[As  the  orchestra  takes  up  the  melody, 
the  back  of  the  nursery  becomes  trans 
parent.  Through  it,  across  the  bed  where 
a  little  form  lies  sleeping, — watched  on 
either  side  by  a  quiet  figure — can  be  seen 
a  grassy,  wooded  slope,  and  FATHER  with 
a  fishing  pole;  MOTHER  in  a  simple  out 
door  dress;  POTTER,  carrying  a  hamper; 
JOHNNIE  BLAKE,  a  bare-legged  boy, 
wearing  overalls  and  a  torn  hat;  and 
GWENDOLYN, — at  her  side,  ROVER.] 


[CURTAIN] 


936 


"WE  ARE  SEVEN" 

[THE  PLAY  THAT  WOMEN  LOVE] 

BY  ELEANOR  GATES 

Author  of  "  The  Poor  Little  Rich  Girl/'  "  Swat  the  Fly!  "  etc. 

Peter!  Diantha!  William!  Thomas!  Phoebe!  Frederick! 
Hope! 

"  Seven !  "   gasped  Doctor  Fanny.     "  You  reckless  woman !  " 

But  Diantha  didn't  agree.  (She  was  twenty,  just  out  of  col 
lege,  and  possessed  an  unfair  amount  of  good  looks.)  Never 
mind  the  high  cost  of  living.  Seven  wasn't  too  many.  And  she 
not  only  had  them  named,  but  all  their  professions  were  picked 
out  for  them  —  and  a  lot  of  their  clothes  were  made! 

Seven  little  shadows  around  the  house ! 

"  And,  oh,"  wailed  Auntie,  "  she  isn't  even  engaged !  "  (Poor 
Auntie!  No  wonder  she  consulted  a  lawyer.  And  no  wonder 
Col.  Avery  advised  marriage.)  But  what  lawyer  could  cope  with 

that  d and  d idea?  Or  with  a  nephew  with  too  much 

imagination  —  and  a  "  poker  face  " 

Well,  it  was  all  bound  to  end  where  it  did.  Oh,  oh,  what  a 
girl! 


WHAT  THE  CRITICS  SAID  ABOUT  IT: 

"  A  brilliant  and  whimsical  farce." —  Drama  League,  New 
York. 

"  Admittedly  contains  more  laughs  than  anything  seen  on  the 
boards  this  season." —  Wesley  Hamer,  New  York  American. 

"  Many  of  the  lines  would  grace  the  best  work  of  Shaw  or 
Wilde." —  Drama  League,  Philadelphia. 

"  WE  ARE  SEVEN  wins  by  its  wit  and  originality.  It  is  a 
novelty  and  a  treat." — Acton  Davies,  New  York  Evening  Sun. 

"  WE  ARE  SEVEN  was  a  good  farce  all  the  time  —  clever  and 
amusing  —  and  made  us  laugh  tinklingly  and  riiigingly." — Alan 
Dale,  New  York  American. 

"  There  are  so  few  writers  of  good  farce,  and  in  particular  so 
few  writers  of  polite  farce,  that  it  is  a  pleasure  to  call  attention 
again  to  Eleanor  Gates." —  Burns  Mantle,  New  York  Mail. 

"  It  is  a  farce  taken  right  out  of  the  air  that  people  who  read 
newspapers  and  magazines  are  at  the  moment  breathing,  written 
with  cleverness  and  the  breeziest  humor,  yet  with  warm  human 
feeling  and  complete  good  taste." — Arthur  Ruhl,  New  York 
Tribune. 

Three  color  jacket  by  Everett  Shinn 
Cloth,  12  mo.  Net,  75  Cents. 

THE  ARROW  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 

450  RIVERSIDE  DRIVE,  NEW  YORK 


"SWAT  THE  FLY!" 

BY  ELEANOR  GATES 
Author  of  "  The  Poor  Little  Rich  Girl/'  "  We  Are  Seven,"  etc. 

THE  ungrateful  little  villain !  What  was  it  the  Dog  said  about 
him,  there  in  the  dusk  of  the  Garden?  "  It's  only  because  you're 
so  little  that  you've  lived  so  long !  "  True !  "  As  true,"  said 
the  Monkey,  "  as  there's  milk  in  cocoanuts !  " 

You  wouldn't  let  a  rattlesnake  come  into  your  house.  You 
wouldn't  entertain  a  tiger.  Yet  this  Fly  has  warmed  himself  at 
your  fire,  eaten  at  your  table,  slept  under  your  roof.  And  all  the 
while  he  was  plotting  with  his  relatives  to  kill  you ! 

Now  he's  shown  up !  —  in  this  one-act  play,  whimsical,  tragic 
and  fantastic.  Read  what  he  has  to  say  for  himself ! 


"  In  '  Swat  the  Fly!',  the  ill  deeds  of  that  beast  are  depicted 
as  dramatically  as  were  the  animals  in  Miss  Gates's  play  '  The 
Poor  Little  Rich  Girl.9  It  is  to  be  recommended  particularly  to 
anti-vivisectionists,  but  it  is  so  entertaining  that  all  types  of 
humans  could  profitably  either  see  or  hear  it." 

Norman  Hapgood  in  Harper's  Weekly. 


"  'Swat  the  Fly!*  by  Eleanor  Gates  should  be  read  by  every 
body.  The  medical  profession  will  undoubtedly  be  enthusiastic 
about  it,  for  it  aims  to  make  the  same  points  that  the  doctors  are 
making.  It  should  be  on  every  waiting-room  table,  and  in  every 
library." 

Dr.  William  J.  Robinson,  editor,  Critic  and  Guide. 


"  I  think  it  is  one  of  the  most  effective  pleas  in  behalf  of  the 
only  known  method  of  progress,  in  scientific  medicine,  that  I  have 
ever  seen." 

Dr.   Woods   Hutchinson,  president-elect,  American  Academy  of 
Medicine. 


"  Dear  Miss  Gates :  I  wish  I  had  been  able  to  produce  '  Swat 
the  Fly!'  before  I  left  the  Princess  Theatre.  I  am  very  glad 
it  is  to  be  published,  and  I  hope  it  will  be  read  by  everyone." 

Holbrook  Blinn. 

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